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Postnatal health

Please can somebody tell me it gets better

13 replies

RubyRed401 · 15/06/2021 14:33

Hi there,
I was wondering if anyone can help - just give me something to feel positive about.
I can’t seem to feel happy and feel it’s not going to get better.
I don’t want to go on antidepressants as I’ve heard they can make you not sleep - and I desperately need sleep. I’m not getting it as my daughter doesn’t sleep.
I’ve got 2 children. I feel like I’m a terrible mother. I snap, I shout, I’m anxious all the time.
At the moment I feel it is not a happy home and I really want it to get better but I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.
I’m constantly tired, I wake up and long for the evening when I can go to bed.
My second child is lovely but quite difficult. Very frustrated, seems angry a lot, cries all the time, clingy. It’s affecting my relationship with my other daughter.
I don’t know if she’s on the spectrum / got autism , but the doctors not really helping. She is only 18 months though so I know too soon to tell possibly.
I work part time and normally I love it but due to the lack of sleep every single night, I’m dreading going in.
I just wish things would start to get better. It’s been since Christmas like this and not got any better.
I’m feeling so so low and don’t want to talk to the doctors as afraid they would look into taking my children from me.
Please could anyone give me some advice about anything to look forward to?

Thank you xxx

OP posts:
Greenmarmalade · 15/06/2021 14:39

It will all get better. Sleep deprivation has a massive impact- it had a similar impact on me. One of my twins was also very challenging and it was hard work- I completely empathise with your struggles.

I have taken antidepressants and after a few days to adjust (I was a bit shaky), gradually felt a million times better. Your children won’t be taken from you- you’re taking good care of them. This won’t be a red flag.

They didn’t affect my sleeping either, but I know they can make some people tired.

Could you consider a chat with the Gp, and try a low dose, see what it’s like? You can always come off them if they don’t work for you.

Greenmarmalade · 15/06/2021 14:40

Do you get why chances to have time off, or time to sleep in the daytime? Is there any way of achieving this?

MuchTooTired · 15/06/2021 14:46

Oh lovely, I’ve been where you are, it’s horrible.

For me, ads were the answer. My world became colour again, and I was just able to live - they took away the anxiety/rage/fear/stress. My sleep wasn’t affected at all, if anything I slept better as my brain wasn’t whirring constantly.

I’d been terrified that SS would take my children away from me (I had it all planned out how I’d remove myself from their lives but they’d not know) but it was additional stress I put on myself for no reason at all. Reading on here about SS intervention, it seems it’s got to get horribly bad before it even becomes a potential thing to happen - and seemingly is a last resort. This obviously is just based on what I’ve read online, I’ve no real life experience.

Please speak to your HV or GP, they want to help and have heard it all (and a billion times worse!) before. You are not a terrible mother, just a struggling mother who’s not getting any sleep. It’s used as a torture method for a reason!

RubyRed401 · 15/06/2021 19:31

Hi ladies,
Thank you so much for your replies.
I read them in the car park at school pick up and it’s just really nice to know that people care out there! So thank you :)
My partners mum is brilliant and helps a lot , they sometimes sleep over at her house maybe once every 2 weeks.
I keep just wishing that my little one was easier as I know everything would be so much better and happier.
I just worry so much, every ailment just makes me completely edge and there’s been one thing after the other recently.
I feel like my relationship is breaking down as we haven’t slept in the same bed since she was born , because I wanted him to get a proper nights sleep.
He could sleep with me but the monitor goes off constantly so he doesn’t want to, I totally understand.
I know when things get easier, our relationship will get better too.
Just want everything to be ok.
I feel guilty because I am constantly searching for time on my own , to watch tv or just sleep ( which doesn’t happen as I can’t switch off in the day)
Thank you, I may try the antidepressants as a last resort, if it helps then it is definitely a good thing
Thank you for your kind words

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 15/06/2021 19:36

It’ll pass, it’s very hard but it will pass. Hang in there!
Why do you need a monitor? (genuine question).
Your G.P won’t take your children away, for asking for help.
How many hours is your little one getting?

RubyRed401 · 15/06/2021 20:26

Hi Suzi888 thank you
I have a monitor in my bedroom so I can hear her / see whether I need to go in, just leave her. I started sleeping next to it after she had a bout of sickness and I was scared she might be sick so needed to listen for it.
She’s usually up every single night 2-3 hours. Usually crying. Sometimes talking. Then head banging till she goes back to sleep. So I just like to have to monitor there so I can listen what’s going on xxx

OP posts:
RubyRed401 · 15/06/2021 20:29

Oh sorry, so in the day it’s usually a 2 hour nap. I’ve made this longer, made it shorter, tried all diff routines, but nothing has helped her sleep at night.
She usually goes to bed 7 ish but like tonight I’ve just been in as she’s already been crying. ( partner telling me to turn the monitor off as he doesn’t like crying)
But usually she wakes 1ish till 4 or could be 2-4, she wakes without fail though. And I’m just so on edge constantly I hardly sleep at all xx

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/06/2021 20:32

partner telling me to turn the monitor off as he doesn’t like crying
Op does your partner help you, surely he understands babies cry

RubyRed401 · 15/06/2021 21:10

It’s a difficult one
He’s not emotionally supportive at all
But he’s a very good dad, to our older daughter
But no he doesn’t ‘do’ crying and never has done
It does feel very lonely as I feel I’m doing the hard bit by myself
It stresses him out when the younger one is crying and it puts me massively on edge
That’s why I can’t imagine things getting better until my little one becomes a little more settled xx

OP posts:
toastjam · 15/06/2021 21:30

Take the meds. I did and it saved me, I'm a better mum on them just now. You adjust after a few days.


OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/06/2021 21:39

Your partner needs to step up-
How old is your little one?

Yes you could indeed be depressed but equally you have a hard life: 2 very young children (18months was the hardest time for me), you’re trying to work, sleep deprived and your partner isn’t helping by the sounds of it.
Practically: speak to your partner, Can you stop work? Hire any additional home help?

Suzi888 · 15/06/2021 22:17

Ahh I see why you would want the monitor. Is she still being sick though? do you need to use it now? I don’t say that lightly, as my baby was hospitalised for a few days with what I can only describe as cough vomiting - awful! We had an awful couple of weeks, had to wake her every hour to give her asthma pump. But eventually, when they’re better you have to rest too.

Your partner needs to get some ear defenders or listen to music (or at least try) so he can help out…. No one likes crying, but babies cry.

At 18 months, are you still giving milk? if bed is at 7pm when do you give milk? Wondering if she’s hungry…
The head banging at night I’ve no experience of, but mine did do it when having a tantrum and it was scary. I took a video and the G.P said it was fineHmm but she’s now 5 and no issues at all! She didn’t crawl for awhile and GP said to increase belly time, exercise, mental stimulation as much as possible and keep to a routine.

Ultimately not to worry, there’s so much out there now, I did far too much googling! My mum and aunties who are getting on all told me to chill out, stop reading things and that she was fine (and they were right).

RubyRed401 · 16/06/2021 12:25

Hello, thank you toast jam. Think
Going to try them as was so down last night.
My little one is 18 months. I have been occasionally ( more often than not) giving her a bottle in the middle of the night to try get her to settle. But I do give her one just before bed, 6.30 ish. I could maybe try giving her some porridge too as supper
I would love to stop work at the moment just because it all feels too much. I do love my job and I’m sure they would have me back in the future, but practically I need it as my partner would be able to support me ( just) but it would add extra stress on him.
On a better note, this morning I took my little girl to the library ( I made myself get out) and felt really good. She really enjoyed it and that made me happy. I might even go myself later as would be something to look forward to xx

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