Your experience of PND

[Flappityflippers1]

Hi all,

If you had post natal depression, I was wondering if I could ask your experience of it? How did you feel? How was it treated? How long did it last? Did sleep make a big difference?

I suspect I have PND with newborn DS - he’s 6 weeks old. We’re having a lot of issues with silent reflux and he’s getting terribly trapped wind (doing everything advised to help this). He’s breastfed, although I primarily pump for him for various reasons (one being I find direct feeding makes MH issues worse)

We also have suspected thrush and/or mastitis, and my c section scar is possibly infected - so going through it a bit at the moment. I’m calling the GP first thing for an emergency appointment for omeperazole for baby, swabs for thrush, get scar checked and to discuss possible PND.

I’m feeling like I don’t like baby at all, and I really dislike caring for him/holding him - he screams near constantly. I absolutely adore him and the love is there and strong, I just don’t like him much 😦 I feel like there must be something wrong with me/my milk, and that I’m not good enough, and I get so upset with myself as just cant deal with the screaming episodes. I’m heartbroken for my 3 year old too as he’s starting to struggle with the constant screaming and exhausted parents.

(DH /and I are doing shifts to ensure we both get a good block of sleep, I have my MIL or mum with me most days when DH is working so doing everything I can to lighten the load - which makes me feel more shit for not coping when I have all this help!)

I had poor post natal MH after my first (ptsd, severe PNA and PND) so this isn’t unexpected. Just really disappointed that it’s hit again 😞

I’m also finding how I feel this time is different to how I felt with PND after my first.

Hopeful bump x

Hey @Flappityflippers1 It sounds like you’re struggling with a hell of a lot there, and I hope you manage to get an emergency GP appointment for both of you. Looking after yourself is so important (cliche but true) and I think mental health will always struggle if there are physical health issues preventing you from resting properly even when sleep is an option.

Six weeks is so early on and things are so difficult then - I recall with mine that everything clicked into place a bit more around 10-12 weeks, but before that it was just absolute nonsense day and night. You are doing absolutely the right thing by taking shifts and taking help from your mum - do not feel guilty about this.

I have a 14 month old DS and have had PND/PNA probably since they were born but diagnosed when they were about 7 months, because it really ramped up then when I went back to work. I didn’t dislike him and enjoyed caring for him, but I resented the loss of my freedom and hadn’t expected to struggle with going back to work. I loved my job and had taken a short mat leave partly for that reason, but I found it hard to concentrate when I returned, especially because I was mostly working from home and DP and DS were usually in hearing distance. I got resentful and upset about. It being able to go back to work “properly” and eventually I ended up fucking up a few minor tasks and trying to hand my notice in, whilst crying hysterically on a Teams call with my boss. Luckily it got sorted out, and whilst I’ve had another period of managing my workload badly and making some minor mistakes, I am working through it positively with work and it’s going better now. I enjoy DS a lot more too the older he gets, which I didn’t think would happen as I have always worried about how to play with and educate toddlers, babies seemed a lot easier.

I had some counselling through work, which I would have liked to continue but it is not affordable for me to do privately. I can still use what I learned from the sessions I had, though, which is useful. However it was an entirely different situation to you - I think you need to keep taking the offers of help and support from your mum as much as possible, and get both yours and baby’s physical health issues sorted first.

Good luck, it’s difficult stuff and sounds like you are very self-aware, which is often handy for getting support. Take care