Struggling with EVERYTHING.

[em10699]

I'm a new mum currently, 6 weeks ago gave birth, and really struggling to cope with my mental health and having a newborn. My partner is currently doing everything, and I mean everything, I haven't actually changed a nappy yet myself. My confidence is at an all time low and extremely scared everytime I even have to hold her, look after her or she's passed to me. I'm in contact with my doctors and the mental health team, but with COVID everything's taking so long, just wanting to know if there's anyone else out there who's struggled as much as I am at the moment because I feel like an absolute failure, and really really stupid for even feeling this way, but nothing I do seems to shift it.

Thanks in advance, Em.

It sounds like you are doing the right things by communicating with your partner and doctors. I'm sorry the system is so slow at the moment don't feel stupid because this is a mental health issue, not some personal failing.

Do you feel comfortable holding the baby with your partner around? If so, go for it! If not, try chatting to baby or holding his/her hand while your partner holds her.

Really hope you start feeling better soon!

That sounds so hard. You are doing the absolute right thing in asking for help. Well done for being brave and reaching out.
I think maybe baby steps would be a good idea. Pick one thing you want to do and give it a try. Go easy on yourself, don’t set impossible targets and keep using the support around you.
Half the battle is recognising there is a problem. You will be ok, it just takes a bit of time.
Congratulations on your baby 💐

You absolutely aren’t a failure and you won’t always feel this way. A first newborn can be such an overwhelming experience that nobody can prepare you for. It’s 17 years since I gave birth but I clearly remember intensely feeling hormonal, dazed, confused, scared and as though I was in the twilight zone for the first few weeks. My mental health spiralled and I would be too scared to walk downstairs with him in my arms or bath him. Did you have a traumatic birth? Sometimes this can trigger PND and PTSD as was the case for me, but regardless perhaps it’s worth badgering the mental health services as it sounds as though you could really do with more support right now. I was put on anti depressant medication which really helped and as the weeks went by my confidence grew as I realised I wouldn’t drop him or fall asleep bathing him.. And now he's almost a man and I’m teaching him to drive. I promise you, it does get better! Hang in there and as others have said, don’t force it, just take little steps when you feel you can.

@PlantDoctor

It sounds like you are doing the right things by communicating with your partner and doctors. I'm sorry the system is so slow at the moment don't feel stupid because this is a mental health issue, not some personal failing.

Do you feel comfortable holding the baby with your partner around? If so, go for it! If not, try chatting to baby or holding his/her hand while your partner holds her.

Really hope you start feeling better soon!

I feel a little bit okay holding her with my partner and parents around, just have such a bad feeling that they're judging the way I'm holding her, if I'm holding her correctly, and if I'm making her feel comfortable!

@Ohmyzebra

That sounds so hard. You are doing the absolute right thing in asking for help. Well done for being brave and reaching out. I think maybe baby steps would be a good idea. Pick one thing you want to do and give it a try. Go easy on yourself, don’t set impossible targets and keep using the support around you. Half the battle is recognising there is a problem. You will be ok, it just takes a bit of time. Congratulations on your baby 💐

Definitely trying to get the confidence together to help my partner bathe her, it's just really hard, feel absolutely useless!

@JesusWearsPrada

You absolutely aren’t a failure and you won’t always feel this way. A first newborn can be such an overwhelming experience that nobody can prepare you for. It’s 17 years since I gave birth but I clearly remember intensely feeling hormonal, dazed, confused, scared and as though I was in the twilight zone for the first few weeks. My mental health spiralled and I would be too scared to walk downstairs with him in my arms or bath him. Did you have a traumatic birth? Sometimes this can trigger PND and PTSD as was the case for me, but regardless perhaps it’s worth badgering the mental health services as it sounds as though you could really do with more support right now. I was put on anti depressant medication which really helped and as the weeks went by my confidence grew as I realised I wouldn’t drop him or fall asleep bathing him.. And now he's almost a man and I’m teaching him to drive. I promise you, it does get better! Hang in there and as others have said, don’t force it, just take little steps when you feel you can.

I wouldn't say it was a traumatic birth, pretty straightforward and had a small cut at the down below area, but for me it's taken 5 weeks to heal fully, but already said to my partner I never want to go through pregnancy and having a baby again, this is my first and last lol.

Thankyou though, it's really kind what you said.

Yes I can understand that, I only had one child too, decided very early on that he was my first and last, and thats ok! It sounds as though you have a fabulous, understanding and supportive partner around too which is great so I know it’s cliched but try to focus only on the positives and what you have achieved rather than what you feel you haven’t. Maybe set small goals for yourself, even teeny tiny ones and if you feel you can’t manage it well no matter, try again another day. Please be kind to yourself. All the best to you and your little family.