PND in fathers ?

[Bubba1208]

I hope I've posted this in the correct place , apologies if I haven't.

Can fathers suffer post natal depression ?
I'd rather hear from real people with real experiences than listen to google.

My DS was born 10 days ago & he's fantastic. Not very good at sleeping but we're testing stuff out , finding out what works & realising - it doesn't last forever

When I gave birth , it was slightly traumatising & went from 0-100 within seconds. My DP was amazing
I ended up having forceps , a tear & a episiotomy alongside a epidural so it's took me a while for my body to recover. DP did everything. Fed , changed , winded as I couldn't ( had temp weakness in my hands & couldn't hold baby for long )
I would often sit & cry at the fact I wasn't bonding with my son. DP was a fantastic support for me , reassured me & would tell me I was doing a fantastic job.

The tables now seem to have turned - I'm healed a lot more now so can be hands on , meaning we now share a lot of the responsibilities.
But my DP seems to have become withdrawn from our son. He gets very frustrated very easily
DS seems to settle with me a lot easier , doesn't cry as much when been changed.
He screams bloody murder when dp has him , causing my DP to get stressed etc which DS picks up on.
I've tried telling DP to calm down , talk utter nonsense to DS , stroke his face etc but he refuses
Just complains about how he's tired & DS "needs to sleep tonight cos he's getting sick"

I ask him all the time if he's okay , he'll either mutter or give me a one word answer. I don't push any further
I also , reassure him & tell him he's doing a amazing job but it doesn't seem to sink in
I don't dare mention PND as I don't know how he'll take it ( not in a violent way at all , has suffered depression many years ago )

Has anyone any experience with pnd in fathers or is it just a case of he's exhausted with having to do everything for the first week ?

Thank you

Men can’t have post natal depression because natal refers to the pregnancy. So it’s impossible for men to have this condition. However it’s absolutely possible for your husband to have depression and it being related to being a new father who is struggling.

Whether he is depressed or just tired and snappy? It sounds like the latter. And he needs to snap out of it. Babies cry, they don’t sleep and your husband demanding the child sleeps won’t make him sleep any better at all. Your husband needs to get himself a reality check. This is life with a small baby.

He could be tired or depressed.
I wouldn’t say pnd but life changing events and trauma can cause depression.
Have you got family you can talk about this with?

@Houseworkavoider currently talking to my sister about it , I've forced DP to go to bed
He's as stubborn as he is tired

I think he is massively tired ( as am I but I think I'm handling it a lot better than him )

Hi OP, I've also had a forceps delivery and a third degree tear which my DH witnessed. He didn't seem to be very negatively affected but at the time one of the midwives at the hospital mentioned that father's can be very much affected, particularly by traumatic births. She explained it by saying that men have an innate desire to protect their families but in the situation of births cannot protect their wives/partners which results in some sort of internal struggle that can present as depression or some form of adjustment disorder afterwards... .

I'm sure the utter exhaustion is not helping him.

Good luck OP and I hope your DH will feel better soon!

@Bobbeldibop I think you're right !
He did mention that he felt helpless during the procedure
He got some decent sleep last night & seems to be a lot more perkier today so I'm hoping it was just tiredness 🤞🏼

Hi OP - my OH witnessed the shit show that was my birth and struggled to bond with baby. At 5 weeks he told me he didn’t want to be a dad anymore and had a complete meltdown down 😩
However now LG is 6 months and they are besotted with each other!

@CountryGirl36 I think this is the case also
He was so supportive during labour , that he felt useless when it came to the forceps - he even mentioned he was overwhelmed with the amour of people suddenly in the room
He's been a lot better today so I'm thinking he was just cranky from tiredness 🤞🏼

Ive got a 3 week old and I’ve had the same discussion with my partner yesterday after he’s been cranky for the last few days and had no patience with the baby. He’s always said he “doesn’t get tired” and refuses to rest. He took our son most of yesterday morning so I could nap so last night I forced him to go to bed early and said I’d do all night feeds tonight so he could sleep properly.
Not much help but hopefully reassuring to know you’re not alone!

Hey there @Bubba1208

I’m a mental health counselor by trade.

My partner and I had a similar experience to yourself where I needed time to recover after a horrific accident which I won’t go into detail about.

Your partner could me experiencing PND. 9 times out of 10, it always goes undiagnosed. As did my partners, until I probed him with questions. I know it’s not the easiest on yourself or your partner.

Men have tendency of bottling it up, as they have a natural need to protect their family.

Men tend to experience similar PND to us, their testosterone, oestrogen, cortisol, vasopressin, and prolactin level tend to change, making them hormonal like us.

If one of you is experiencing emotional or mental health difficulties, it's more likely that the other is too.

He may be feeling fear, confusion, helplessness and uncertainty about the future. frustration, irritability, cynicism and anger as well.

It broke my heart when my partner was like this as I knew he was trying his best.

Honestly, you need to ask him straight down how is he feeling, no one word answers from him. Men have a harder time opening up about their feeling then what we do, but make sure you make him feel like he’s listened to, just as much as he probably listens to you.

He’s probably trying his best, I went though it all, after talking about it, and finding the root of everything, we both sought mental health therapy. he’s been 100% better with my cold, and myself.

PND in men is treated the exact same way as PND in women.

Seriously, talk to him.

How in the name of all that’s sacred can a mental health professional think men can get post natal depression?

@UhtredRagnarson you’ve litterally just answered you’re own question.

I am a mental health professional, there has been plenty of research and testing throughout the NHS to prove these facts. In fact, there are charities/organisations as well that back the research as well.

Remember, this isn’t past days where men’s mental health can be ignored.

[quote Plantfoot21]@UhtredRagnarson you’ve litterally just answered you’re own question.

I am a mental health professional, there has been plenty of research and testing throughout the NHS to prove these facts. In fact, there are charities/organisations as well that back the research as well.

Remember, this isn’t past days where men’s mental health can be ignored.[/quote]
Don’t worry. It’s not you. The Tories deflated the respect of an actual ‘expert’ long ago.

Most commonly the male side of things falls under ‘postpartum’ not that it flipping matters either way.

Do men undergo hormone changes after birth? Are they sleep deprived? Are their lives also flipped upside down? Are they stressed and frightened? Yes to the above. How can people with children have no concept of this?

In terms of sleep OP, your baby is so tiny he barely knows he’s been born. Have you read up on the fourth trimester? At this stage, and for the next couple of months, you do whatever you can to maximise sleep for everyone. There is no rod for your back with a 10 day old, there’s getting through the day the best way you can. Your son wants to be close to you and his dad, your his safe places in the bright new world he’s entered.

Be gentle with yourselves and follow your instincts instead of fighting things with ideas of what you should be doing or what should work.

You’ve all been through a lot at an already difficult and confusing time. Eat well, stay hydrated, enjoy your baby as best you can, try and get each of you sleeping or resting when you can, especially you while your body heals. Between you you’ve made a whole unique person, that’s incredible.

@UhtredRagnarson

How in the name of all that’s sacred can a mental health professional think men can get post natal depression?

Because women aren't allowed to have anything specific to them.

[quote Plantfoot21]@UhtredRagnarson you’ve litterally just answered you’re own question.

I am a mental health professional, there has been plenty of research and testing throughout the NHS to prove these facts. In fact, there are charities/organisations as well that back the research as well.

Remember, this isn’t past days where men’s mental health can be ignored.[/quote]
Yes, God forbid men not be centred on a physiological process that effects only women.