Sleep deprivation

[kidsareok]

My little boy is 2 weeks old now and for the first 7 nights I had severe sleep deprivation and didn't sleep. I was in labour for 40 hours with a traumatic birth then I just couldn't sleep a wink afterwards. I ended up having to take sleeping pills for 2 nights whilst my OH looked after my little one. Anyway, my little boy doesn't sleep much and I get about 3 hours sleep a night if that. I try and sleep during the day but I can't relax. I feel like I've been hit by a bus - so dizzy, heavy legs, like I'm living in a cloud and floating around. I'm absolutely wrecked. Please tell me it gets easier? Does anyone else feel this way? I don't know how I'm functioning!

Oh god OP, that sounds like a particularly hellish start! It does get easier, of course - you will adjust to it and eventually your baby will sleep for longer periods. That said, you really do need to focus on looking after yourself when sleep deprived. Stay well hydrated and nourished, rest as much as you possibly can during the day, and do whatever it takes to maximise night time sleep. Tune into your mental health and know where and how to ask for help if you need it. The effects of sleep deprivation on new parents (mothers, I'm particular) is something that we should be much more mindful of. Be really gentle with yourself, it will get easier!

I was exactly the same. I spent 10 days in hospital and just didn't get any sleep a d then when I got home I did not take the advice of sleeping when the baby did and ended up like a zombie. The only advice I have is really sleep whenever you can. Don't do anything apart from look after your little one and yourself. Veg out on the sofa, get your partner to deliver you food, everything. And it will get better. Soon the baby will start to know day from night and you'll get longer stretches of sleep. Around 6 weeks if I remember. And congratulations!

Are you still taking any pre/post natal vitamins?
The dizziness could be some anaemia - probably a good idea to take some multivits with iron.

The first few weeks are completely insane though, nothing prepares you for it. Prioritise sleep above almost anything else - just get some whenever you can, even if it’s ten minutes!

Once you’ve had a bit more sleep, everything will start to get better I promise.

My daughter had her son 15 weeks ago. She has been struggling with sleep and now her anxiety around sleep has reached such a climax it’s terrifying. She is afraid to go to bed, dislikes her home and wants to move back with me and by mid afternoon she is so anxious she becomes extremely tearful and doesn’t believe she can do this anymore. She averages 2-3 hours sleep and has gone 3 days without any sleep at all. She has started Sertraline for anxiety but worries about that as a side effect is possible insomnia. She’s started counselling but try as she might she can’t seem to move forward. Has anybody any advice please, I’m now a desperate grandmother.

Hi @Desperategran

I’m so sorry, it must be so worrying for you.

Is she breastfeeding or formula?
Does baby have any medical issues that may effect why it can’t sleep for slightly longer stretches?

Does she have good support from a partner/husband?

Essentially I think the short answer is that she needs a lot more sleep - sorry that’s so obvious, but it must be everyone’s main aim.

There are a few ways to make that happen- in the short term, it might be that she needs a few hours or a whole night away from baby to get some proper, deep refreshing sleep.

Could a partner/husband or perhaps you look after baby for a long stretch, so that she can get that sleep? After a couple of stretches of good sleep, she will feel so much better, and might be able to talk about how to improve things with your help over the next few weeks

Hi there, I don't often post but I struggled with this to. I just couldn't switch off a nap when baby did as I was so anxious. When baby falls asleep try and go up to bed and just shut your eyes to get some 'rest' if not sleep. If you are nursing baby on the sofa or something make sure you are positioned where if you go fall asleep baby is safe. It's not ideal but it will happen and best not to add fuel to the anxiety fire. Ask whoever will help to come over and have a bath and lie on the bed to see if you drop off. If your partner is back in work make sat and Sunday morning his time every weekend. Are you sharing night feed? My friend used to sleep with ear plugs in when it was partners turn to help her sleep! Good luck, they get easier!

Thank you so much for responding. We’ve tried all of this. Her partner is fantastic as is baby, he rarely cries and only does what babies do which is cry when he needs his feed, he doesn’t even really cry and she’s quick to get him to the breast. She’s started mixed feeding so her partner shares that responsibility too. The problem is anxiety. She has just got herself into this dark place so when she tries to get to sleep she just can’t even though she is dropping. She now has an extreme fear of the dark, of going upstairs, of being on her own she says she’s so lonely as the night just drags on and on. I’ve exhausted ideas and she won’t go back for help for fear of losing her son. Of course she wouldn’t but this anxiety as a result of lack of sleep has caught her in this viscous loop where she goes round and round in her head making it impossible to sleep even when she needs it. Baby is beautiful and fortunately the easiest most adorable child you could imagine. Her partner is fantastic. I just wish someone out there somewhere maybe has been or indeed is where my daughter is and could possibly shine a glimmer of light on how they got or are getting out of this.

This horrible virus has claimed more than just lives. Mental health is such an integral part of what’s happening here now. We must all look out for each other. This isolation has been soul destroying to so many. If there are any new young mums or anyone who needs to talk, just ramble on about anything, don’t bottle it, talk.

So if there is anyone else out there who is struggling please talk, you maybe able to help my daughter and she you, just knowing she’s not alone as a new mum. I know that, so many others know that, but she needs to know she’s not struggling with anxiety to this extreme alone. So if you are out there please talk to us.

@Desperategran, this sounds more than sleep deprivation, it sounds like PND. She really needs to speak to her doctor, midwife or health visitor to explain exactly how she is feeling. He baby will not be taken away, I know that is easy to say and when you are in a dark place you can't think straight, but he won't.
Sleep deprivation is just horrible.

I also echo what previous poster said, she needs to sleep whenever baby sleeps. Everything else can go to pot, she needs to look after herself. It will get better, but it may take a little time.
@kidsareok let others help, be kind to yourself and get rest whenever and however you can. Let others help. Honestly life will get better.
Congratulations on your lovely baby boy xx

Thank you. She’s been to the doctors and been prescribed Sertraline and she’s accessed counselling. I’m guessing this is just going to take time. I’m just so worried it’s hard to see her so distraught, so drawn you feel helpless. It’s good for me to talk about it actually. I just know this can’t just be happening to just my daughter

Thanks everyone. I seem to have turned a corner these last few nights and am getting more sleep which is definitely helping! @Desperategran my dad called the Dr who prescribed me sleeping pills (zoplicone) after I hadn't slept for 7 nights and was delirious. He only gave me enough for 2 nights - it was hard leaving the baby with OH and sleeping in another room but I was at breaking point. Honestly those 2 nights of being completely knocked out brought me back down from a dark place. It might be worth asking for some? Even if she sleeps in the spare room for a few nights? Sleep deprivation is torture.

Thank you so much. I will definitely chase that up. I do appreciate your recommendation.

Keeping you updated. I persuaded my daughter to contact the GP yesterday. I told her to be honest about how low she was feeling and following in from #kidsareok comment regarding sleeping pills and fortunately the doctor took her more seriously and prescribed an antihistamine which will assist her. I messaged her this morning to ask how she was and she said she “slept like the dead “. So thank you for all your recommendations I also believe the GP plans to follow her up by ringing to see how she is. She only takes one tablet once a day for two weeks so although not a long term solution, this could help break the pattern. I’ve also enrolled her onto a Udemy online CBT training course so I’m praying if she follows the training as well as getting some sleep she will be able to pull herself out of the depths she has sunk to. We can only try. So thank you once again maybe this will help someone else looking for support.

I resorted to co sleeping a couple of time and it was the best thing I did. I remember getting my first stretch of sleep and feeling like a new woman (albeit it was a 4 hour stretch only). The sleep deprivation got so bad for me I was getting delirious and saying things that weren't actually right (bit scary). All I have to say is do what you have to do to get sleep and don't feel guilty for it! Baby will be much better looked after with a well rested mum x

Following with interest... my LO is 6 weeks and not a great sleeper (silent reflux). I am EBF. At first I was coping and leaving LO with DH for a couple of hours in the eve and in the morning when I would get decent kip, even though up most of the night. But increasingly LO struggles to settle with DH ,(prob the reflux) and DH gets frustrated. Since hearing LO crying when with DH and DH getting frustrated, I've been unable to sleep when away from my LO and it has triggered my anxiety. If I get chance to sleep during the day I just can't drop off as I can't relax / am on high alert for baby crying / feel over anxious. LO tends to only nap for 1 hour max in the day unless on me, and for a couple of hours at the start of the night but then v unsettled from 3am onwards. Now I am getting more and more exhausted and it is affecting my mood significantly. I know I need to prioritise sleep but the pressure to do so is preventing it. It's hard but reading this thread has helped.

Hi @Paris2019

I totally feel your pain! DD2 is 9 weeks so I’m v familiar with this right now

Have you tried expressing so that DH can give a bottle? Or even the odd bit of formula? Just to give you a solid window of a few hours to have a proper rest

It’s so tricky when the dad can’t settle them - us having boobs is such a helpful shortcut to a happier baby! Thing is, the dad will only learn with practice, so keep encouraging him and tell him he’s doing great. If baby gets upset, it’s vital he stays relaxed. He will figure it out over time (it’s too easy for mum to just take baby back, but then the dad never learns, and the gap between you as parents just gets wider...)

Get some earplugs, I find them a massive help. ‘Macks dreamgirl earplugs’ are great! They just dull that fifth sense us mums have, and can allow you a deeper sleep

Tell DH how important it is for you to get a good stretch of sleep and he must must try to keep baby out of earshot. Could he take baby for walk in pram/sling? Or go to the inlaws for a few hours? (Bubble permitting!)

‘Naps save lives’!! Sleep is so important - so do persevere x

@kidsareok hi!!! Im currently 3weeks postpartum! I had a 37 hr labour. Was aeful i was also in hospital. But im still feeling dizzy and heady! My iron levels are now fine! How fid yours go? And how long did it last? Xx