Never be pregnant again

[emma911030]

I'm currently 3 weeks pp with twin boys, I already have a 22 month old boy too. First birth I think I wasn't prepared for how painful it could be and maybe was a little nieve about it all (I was 27) anyway, was worse than I thought, only managed to stay home for an hour after waters broke and contractions started and insisted I had had and air from the start.. ended up having a forceps delivery as babies head was slightly off to be able to pass through down and out. So needed turning a little so anyway ended up in theatre with a spinal etc I knew it was needed to get him out and safely. I spent ages feeling like I had been robbed of giving birth for the fact I had help delivering and also didn't feel like I had done anything for not feeling any pain of delivery..
Fast forward to now I had my twins on 4/12, I woke up early doors with what I thought were contractions although not too painful (I'd been having braxton hicks and figured could just be them) but they kept coming but with no regularity. However i was only 36+1 so called the hospital to let them know I thought I was contracting and with being twins and only 36 weeks they wanted me in.. I was only 3/4cm when I arrived at 7.30 ish. This time I coped really really well with the pain and went without any pain relief for a good 3 hours after arriving at the hospital despite the contractions getting worse.. anyway on second examination at 12 I was fully dilated and while being examined my waters went and the contractions ramped up and I was enjoying gas and air by this point. 27 mins later twin 1 was out and by 12.42 twin two had been born vaginally despite being breach.. I'm so proud of myself for this second labour and now although I know all labours are different and anything could happen and change so quickly I feel like I could do it all over again... I know this sounds like a really boasty post but sometimes I think you have to acknowledge a great achievement following something not going how you want previously. I now have three beautiful boys and that for me is absolutely more than enough! But I cannot for the life of me shake the feeling of real sadness that I will never be pregnant again as my partner is done. He's 10 years older than me as it is abs turned 40 this year so unless we weren't together there's no more. Second pregnancy wasn't exactly planned so that was a shock in itself then to find out we were expecting twins was something else..
Has anyone else experienced this sadness and has it got better or have you gone on to have more children(where possible) I appreciate I am extremely lucky to have the three children I have considering how much of a struggle it is for some people to have even 1! But I can't shake it 😞

Congratulations!

Your feelings about your body and your experience are yours. Some posters are likely to slate you for feeling that you had failed. Ignore them. Your feelings about yourself are not opinions about others.

I get it. I felt awful after my first birthing (irrelevent why) and hugely better after my second. TBH that second birthing totally changed how I felt about the first, 'cured' me, I suppose.

The self-belief, the realisation that you have done something awesome and can do it again, is wonderful. Hold on to it! Some women feel broody, some don't. It took me a couple of years before I could hold someone's baby and give them back without a pang of heartache that this would never be me again. But that feeling of empowerment, that self -knowledge lasts forever.

You birthed twins, one being breech in a global pandemic?!
You are amazing - I'm in awe!!

You absolutely should be proud of yourself, for every birth not just the one you found easier. Like you say, no birth is the same so even if you did have another, it might not be the same experience as last time. I have spent my whole pregnancy worrying about that with this baby.
Sire your hormones are playing a part in it. It will likely pass.

Good for you, OP, that’s amazing. It’s really great when you can look back on your birth with happiness. As for being broody, I think some women are broody all the time no matter how kids we have so I think it’s normal, not necessarily an indication you should have more.

Never say never. You could easily go on to have baby number 4. You're young and you have a lot of time to contemplate (doing the math at this ungodly hour, I'm assuming you're around 30, give or take a few months?). I've been a broody 'let's have another one' mess after all 3 of mine. But 3 was really the magic number for us. We'd had a stillbirth in between DCs 2 and 3, so when I had number 3, I really, really felt ok with getting off the baby making trail for good. I was also 42! So, that helped me to 'stop'. You can't go on forever.

However, in your 30s, you're at your prime and you're surrounded by friends and family members having babies. You're raising babies. You're in Baby World. So see how it goes over the next few years. There's nothing at all wrong with a gap if you want to get your twins to nursery or reception before contemplating another one. You have time on your side. You may feel broody until your early 40s, to be honest. Oh and your partner is 40... he's not old by any means. 3 boys under 3 may make him feel old. But he's not. congratulations on your glorious brood!

I'm a bit similar (although not twins - you are a hero!)

DS was born 16 years ago, I was young and naive and listened to everything the midwives told me (in the old fashion birthing unit I was in) so spent the whole established labour on my back in the same position. Ouch.

This time with 6m old DS, I worried about labour for my whole pregnancy but.... no chance I was getting on my back, at all! I had a water birth in a lovely suite where the midwifes let me lead the whole thing and it was perfect. I left hospital feeling like superwoman, was only in there a few hours and spent all of it walking around or on all fours then in the pool for the birth.

HOWEVER!!!

Do I feel smug about the labour after 9 months of worrying? Yes I do.

Would I want another based on the amazing experience? Not on your nelly mate.

I'm done

The feelings might ease as your babies get a bit older. After my vbac the feelings to be pregnant and have another again were huge. She’s five months now and I’d like another one but that primal need and incredible sadness that I might not have another has thankfully gone.