When will I feel like he is mine.

[Sunnytimes04]

I had my first baby almost 3 months ago, the birth went well, I don't really know how to explain it because I love him, the way he has little giggles and smiles all the time. But the other part of me doesn't feel as though I'm a mum at all, like I'm caring for someone else's child. I found it really hard to talk to him and some days still do. I am trying to be a good happy mum, just don't think I'm doing it very well at the moment, can any tell me it gets better?

Sending lots of hugs OP. Its so hard but it does get better. The challenges change but the way they develop and have their own personalities really makes up for it.

With all this said, sometimes it helps to talk to someone about how you're feeling. I felt loving feelings but not actual love for a very long time with my child. I never spoke to anyone but I think it would've done me the world of good if I did. Perhaps speak to your HV or GP about how your feeling. You aren't alone in this by a long shot, so please don't feel like you can't be open and honest about your feelings.

It does get better I promise.

But, I still get moments of "wait, that's me" when they say my name. But afaic that's because I love them so so much I can't really believe they are mine! They are 16 and 14

I have been tempted to talk to my partner and a couple of family members about how I feel a few times but he has taken to fatherhood like a duck to water and they all think I have a bond with the baby so worried they won't understand properly.
I don't feel as though there is a bond, never have from when I was pregnant, even when they first put him on me I never felt this big rush of love like you hear everyone talking about and I feel really rubbish about it.

Its a funny old thing. We are programmed to think this rush of love happens naturally for all women and it just doesn't. Most of my mum friends described it as 'going through the motions' in terms of feeding, changing etc. But they didn't get this instant love and bond (neither did I). If you think about it, you are a stranger to this baby and the baby is a stranger to you. It takes time for a bond to form with someone you don't know yet and to build trust and understanding.

Try again to talk to your partner and be brutally honest about how you feel (I know this is hard). You've had a baby together and although he may not be able to understand how you're feeling, he should be able to support you and help you through this. Please do speak to your HV or GP if things don't get any better. They won't judge you or think you're a terrible mum. They see this every day and it's incredibly common.

Lastly, yes you have a baby that needs you to put them first but you can't take care of a baby if you haven't taken care of your own mental health. A happy mum, is a happy baby. I hope this helps somewhat.

Thank you ☺️ your post has helped, that is a good way of explaining it like being two strangers. I hope one day the bond does come. I will try to talk to him again, I never have been good at talking about things though. Something else to work on haha.

OP this happened to me and I didn't feel like I could tell anyone. I was so excited about having a baby but the moment he was born I just sort of felt 'meh'. I felt awful because I assumed that I would love him so much straight away and I just didn't feel it. Over time my feelings grew and one day I realised that I actually did love him so much.

In my case I think it was a mixture of a few things, I was fairly young (25) but I was also suffering domestic violence. I am sure that I was depressed. I'm not saying that's the case for you but I think it was for me.

I really hope things improve for you. My DS is 12 now and he's a joy, I love him so much.

Take care of yourself

That sounds like how I feel, although I hope it does change one day. I'm 22 and think that some of the sadness is because before I was pregnant I used to live and work with my partner so we was together constantly which we loved. Now we are in separate houses ( long story I won't bore any one with ). It sounds like your very strong getting out of that situation sorry to hear you had to suffer that though, glad to hear you and your son are happy now though.