Lockdown and seriously poorly baby

[iamkjx]

Hi everyone, it’s my first time posting here so I’m sorry if there is already a similar thread or if I’ve popped this in the wrong area!

I just needed a little bit of a moan really as I’m sure many of you will be able to relate to the majority of my rant here.

I had my first born little boy on 04 April this year during the height of the first national lockdown, it was a straight forward pregnancy/birth with no issues and discharged home the same day. It wasn’t until he had his newborn examinations at two days old when we was told he had a life threatening complex heart condition and needed an emergency blue light transfer in an ambulance to another hospital to have open heart surgery as he was essentially on deaths door, he had his surgery at 9 days old. During the 3 weeks in hospital with DS my husband wasn’t allowed with us due to the visiting restrictions because of covid so I had to go it alone. Fast forward to now and he’s 7 months old and doing really well, he has heart scans every 2/3 months but could potentially need further surgery in future.

I completely sympathise with all families who have had go through having a baby during these times, it’s incredibly difficult and lonely. My main rant is that although I know 99% of the UK are in the same boat right now but it’s starting to drive me absolutely insane being locked up in the same 4 walls 7 days a week. We live in a small upstairs flat with no garden, I was diagnosed with anxiety and PTSD because of what we went through with DS initially. For me at the minute going to the shop is a day out. I’m incredibly close to my family and not seeing them or having them there for support is driving me up the damn wall, I can’t just pop over for a cup of tea and a chat because of the covid restrictions, after losing my grandma during the summer it’s just made me appreciate family even more so now but also given me this super awareness to never take anything/anyone for granted, DS never had the opportunity to meet her. I’m also worried about his social development because he’s never been around other children. My husband works from home and with living in such a small area we’re just tripping over each other (We are moving soon ) I’m due back at work soon and I just feel my maternity has been in the same 4 walls, although I appreciate the lovely time me and DS have had together I’ve not been able to do anything with him outside of here. We’ve also decided not to have any more children because our chance of having future children with a heart condition has increased and we just don’t want to risk putting another baby through that so again I have this constant awareness that I’m never going to have this time during my lifetime ever again. I am getting help for my anxiety and PTSD but I’m starting to get to the point where I find myself snapping at DS because I’m really at my tipping point now.

I know that there are families out there who have endured far worse during these times, I know there’s too many people who have had miscarriages, lost babies, lost family members, and so much more. I can’t imagine what these people must be feeling right now so if you are one of those people I’m really sorry I’m advance for moaning about essentially having my baby here safe and well. I just needed to let off a little bit of steam.

Thank you everyone, lots of love 💖

Do you know that from 2nd December families with a child under 1 can form a support bubble, even though you have your DH. So you Could see somebody else in your family if that would help?

Yes you need to form a suppprt bubble after 2 Dec with another household in your family.

A even if you are in tier 3 if you have a child under 1 you can form a support bubble with another household

I’m really sorry to hear about your hard time, I get it my youngest had open heart surgery and it’s scary enough in normal times let alone lockdown. There are various groups on Facebook you can join Heartline, Little Hearts Matter and British Hearties that all have lots of people going through similar problems if that would help you, and people with children under 1 can as PP said see family etc from Dec 2nd, personally if your mental health is suffering I would do it now. Take care x

Gosh, that sounds so tough and a very very scary experience. I’m glad his operation went well.

Don’t worry about him not seeing other babies/kids- at the moment you are his life and world and that’s how it should be probably.

Like the poster above said; you can form a bubble with someone else once out of lockdown as you have a child under 1, hopefully that will help.

Also around here (in tier 3) some baby groups are still going as they call themself a support group- could you see if anything like that is going on near you?

I’m so sorry to hear about what you are going through

I wish I could wave a magic wand to make it easier for you op, but I think anyone would find the hand you’ve been dealt incredibly tough.

Maybe it’s worth writing down one little thing you can do each day that makes you feel happy, even if it’s tiny. I’m doing this with one of my kids who has anxiety.

Maybe just silly little things like this:

Warm bath with smellies once bath asleep
Buy a new book
New film you’ve always wanted to watch
Nice walk
Get a takeaway
Add a treat into the shop

I wish I could make it better for you op. I just keep changing “this too shall pass” like a crazy woman

It’s sucks OP- do you go out much, walk in the park, put your baby on the swings, socially distance walk with family?

Bath asleep? So sorry I meant baby asleep

Very sorry by changing I meant chanting

Very good idea by pp to look for a support group - my sil is in one which is also running even in a tier three area for new mums. She has a 5 month old. Worth asking HV what’s she’s aware of in your area?

Honestly moan away. It sounds really difficult. I hope the information others have given you is helpful.
You’ve done so well with the hand you’ve been dealt and I have nothing but admiration for you.
Please form a bubble like others have suggested and try some of the support groups mentioned.

Best wishes to you and your little family

You definitely don't need to apologise for needing to let off some steam, OP. You have had a rough year by anyone's standards. You've obviously kept it all together through some incredibly stressful times and should give yourself a pat on the back. You know Eleanor Roosevelt's saying: a woman is like a tea bag. You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

Definitely don't worry about socialisation for your little one at this stage, as the others have said this is not a concern. But do worry about socialisation for you. Although face-to-face opportunities are very limited, are you keeping in touch with people on Zoom/Teams/Facetime? Are you making time for yourself, never easy for anyone with a baby this age but PTSD and anxiety it's really important you make time to look after your mental health. Is your OH doing his share to make sure you get some downtime?

Is there an option to return to work part-time? That feels like it's going to put further strain on you, i.e. by potentially limiting opportunities for you to get out and about when things are easier next year (we hope).

I wish I could reach out over the internet and give you a huge hug @iamkjx.

I hear you, and I could have almost written your post (DS was premature, almost born at 26 weeks in lockdown, 7 weeks of hospital admissions on my own layer, he was born, in NICU for 2 weeks). For us, it's been so hard, as he was in the newborn stage for over 3 months (didn't smile until he was actually 3 months, but 6 weeks adjusted).

I completely echo about being able to form a support bubble after this lockdown (thank you Mumsnet, I found that out here, going to form a bubble with my DS, BIL and DN).

Likewise, with the PTSD and postnatal anxiety/depression, I've finally reached out to my GP and health visitor, and they have been wonderful. I've got an appointment with a local support group (Bluebells) in person, one to one baby massage classes, a referral to the perinatal mental health team and a telephone appointment with talking therapies. Please, try to talk to them.

I've found that (boring though it is) going for a long walk every day gives some structure to the day, although it's a challenge sometimes.

I'm not on Facebook, but there are lots of groups out there for support too.

Some parent and child groups are still running, under the umbrella of being a support group.

For baby socialisation, it isn't the same, but there is a baby program on CBeebies, (Baby and me?), that takes the form of a videoed baby group, with parents and babies in a circle, and singing and sensory activities. I've started to watch that with DS (almost 6 months, but 4 months adjusted).

Also, sounds silly, but I've kept a notebook through all of this, and written down how I'm feeling, and what is going on in the world. Out babies will be part of history now (I guess like those in the World Wars), and I wanted to be sure that I could record for him what life was like. I like to imagine that in 100 years time, someone in my family will be doing a school project on what like was like in the 2020 pandemic, just like I read my great grandmother's diaries.

7 weeks layer = later

Out babies = our babies

blush

The CBeebies program is The Baby Club