Apologies for the length of this post. I have been struggling for months post birth with various different aspects of anxiety which, through time and experience, I have managed to get on top of.
The one that is really sticking at the moment and incredibly difficult, is anxiety around my partner.
We have a baby and a home, everything that I knew would make me happy. Anxiety has meddled with that, but I am consumed daily with a fear and feeling of now being trapped.
What if he doesn’t turn out to be the one? What if you don’t love him? What if the relationship ends because you can’t get these thoughts out of your head? What if there was someone else out there for you?
I am disgusted with myself for these thoughts. My partner is my best friend and for the past few months I have felt so awkward around him due to these thoughts in my head. He has been an absolute rock for me and when the anxiety clears, it is so obvious that I love him.
Has anyone else experienced this? How have you coped? I am fine all day, then start to dread my partner coming home and these thoughts coming back. I even looked at him yesterday and thought... ‘but you aren’t much taller!?!?! I always wanted to be with someone much taller than me’. The most pathetic, trivial, hurtful thoughts like that come to me. My brain is basically pulling him apart and I don’t know how to stop it. I just feel utterly miserable and would be so grateful to hear others experiences, if there are any.