No where to turn

[Daisymais]

I've had postnatal depression since I gave birth in march. It's been harD and we live with partners parents who are a big help. However both partner and his mum are constantly shouting at me for being "lazy" which they think I am,not depressed. I struggle to cope when baby cries. I'm exhausted and I cry all the time. They always care about partner and the baby but couldn't care about me and what I'm going through. I've had counselling and I was on meds but stopped as being here just makes me feel worse so I figured why take meds. I don't have a lot of friends or family as I have had a few losses over the years. I have my mum and brother but I couldn't move back in because they have their own issues. I just don't know what to do. I love my daughter despite my struggles and if I left I'd have to leave her behind and I don't want to do for the best. I've tried to talk about my depression to them to help them understand what I'm going through but they don't listen. Listening to music,reading books and watching a film helps me cope and get through the day but apparently doing these things makes me a terrible mother who ignores their child.

Postnatal depression is hard and it's awful. I'm so sorry your partner and his parents are so lacking in empathy and not supporting you. You mentioned you had counselling and had had meds - is the health visitor aware of your PND? It might be beneficial having a chat with the health visitor who may have advice, or may be able to talk to your partner and his parents to try and get them to understand you.

Yeah she does know. But I haven't seen her for months due to covid

That does sound a very hard and stressful situation for you.

What form of help does your partners family provide? Do they take the baby for a set time each day so that you can read books, listen to music, watch a movie? Or how is this working?

You definitely need some time to yourself, especially if you are suffering with PND, however, to be honest, these do sound like luxuries which most new mums just don't have time for. I wonder how much time you are taking for yourself like this and if your in laws feel you aren't spending enough time with the baby?

What is your routine like on a typical day?

Some help in the early years really is invaluable so it would be good if you could resolve this with them and come up with a routine that works for everybody.

I also think it might be a good idea to speak to your GP again about your meds.

They have her every evening around 7. I usually have TV on in the background as it helps me to get through the day. I usually do my reading when she is asleep. When she is with them they always have their TV on just like I do. But when she is awake I look after her, feed her, talk to her and play with her. I just like background noise.

I think, regardless of all that, it's not really appropriate for them to be shouting at you and calling you lazy. It doesn't sound like a good environment. Do you want to leave? If so, could you please speak to your health visitor and see if they can help?