My husband is wearing me down....

[LittleMissSarah]

I need some help or advice.
My husband and I have a 5yr old autistic child and now a newborn baby. I had to have an emergency csection due to issues in my pregnancy so I’m recovering from that however I have a lot of awful csection side effects so am not in good health right now. I’m trying my best to be positive but my husband just stresses me out. He’s tired :/ so he’s grumpy, you’d think he was so hard done by!! Last night to give us all a happier day I did all the night feeds and changing (I’m 2.5weeks post section) so that he could sleep all night and waken up in a better mood , however he’s just as snappy and angry as before. It’s not easy , but it’s hardly a walk in the park for me considering all I’m going through which is a lot more than him!! I wish I just had lack of sleep like him and not everything I have. I can’t wait for him to get back to work! :( he’s constantly shouting and moaning at our elder autistic child, it’s not their fault they don’t understand all this change... I’m just really sad when all I want is a supportive partner and not one who just makes me angry and sad and wish I wasn’t with him.
What do I do??

I wanted to say I completely sympathise. My DD is 6.5 months and my third child ( unplanned) I have a 6 YEAR OLD DS AND 4 year old DS both c sections. The recovery is tough. He should be understanding of that it is major surgery. Lack of sleep is torture I am going through this at the moment and for last two months DD wakes every two/ three hours it's CRAP! Have you talked to him? Let him know how you feel? Especially tell him to stop taking it out on your older child. Maybe suggest they go out and have some bonding time? I totally sympathise sending big hugs xx

Has he explained why he's so angry? He sounds rather cuntish i must say.

I have heard lots of women saying they prefer it when there back at work. Theose early ws a routine is really out the window perhaps that is an issue? Ypou really need to talk to him and find out what is upsetting him.

Thanks all. Yeah I’ve tried talking to him and he just says he can’t cope with no sleep, he needs his 8hrs! I’m sure we all do but hey ho. I really don’t want to end up resentful but it’s hard. My mum has had to take my elder child for a couple nights to give us a break... or should I say, give him some time! Don’t get me wrong, when he’s happy he’s a great dad but he’s just too short fused for my liking! I said his work is a rest and what I’m doing is way harder (recovering from surgery, lack of sleep doing all the night feeds and changing - DS gets up every 2 hrs) , dealing with an older autistic child whose not at school just now and also a viral infection I now have too. It’s so tough for me, I have no family around me they’re an hours drive and do try to help but I don’t see them often and his answer is ‘well when you can get a job that earns me amount of money then you can be the one who works’ And there is no way I’d have a job paying his wage :( xxx

Hi @LittleMissSarah I am also experiencing this with my DH. I had an emergency c section three weeks ago. This is our first baby so I understand it is a shock to his system (he is very much into his 8hrs sleep too) but there has been hardly any empathy for the fact the surgery has also wiped me out! I also went to stay at my mum's just to get a little break and when I came home he was telling me how much he needed his 9hrs sleep while we were away! He's not even back at work yet. I hope things are getting better for you, it's hard enough without unsupportive partners!

Hey I hope you’re doing well also! I totally sympathise, it’s so tough for us and having an unsupportive other half just makes it 10X worse. Sending you loads of love and hugs! We’re in the same boat , shame it can’t be a happier one but hey ho .xx

Christ on a bike! Read the riot act. I wouldn't be "hey ho" about being treated like this. You just had a baby and major surgery ffs, you poor thing.

You married a man child. He needs to grow up and start supporting you. I don't rate the chances of him being there for you long term if he's like this now.