Hi, my lg is 5 weeks old and she's a pretty good baby really. We have our ups and downs but we've been quite lucky. I also had a really positive birth but despite all this I'm not happy.
All I want to do is cry, I could just sit and cry for hours. I feel completely hopeless and like I'm a bad mum and I have no idea what I'm doing. This doesn't happen all the time but if I'm feeling particularly down, when she starts crying I just get angry and I'll pick her up and change her or feed her etc but I don't want to interact with her. It's such an heartbreaking feeling cause I look at her and feel completely in love with her, she is absolutely perfect, so why do I get angry with her and take it out on her by not interacting?
I'm also supposed to start back at uni today (online cause of covid) so she is going to have to start being with other people for 2-3 hours at a time and I don't want her to. I don't feel at all ready to be away from her. I just feel like uni is going to make all the above things worse cause I want to work on our relationship and go out and about and to classes etc and I'm barely going to get time to do that because of uni. I really want to defer uni for a year but my partner doesn't seem keen as he said I'll end up not going back next year which might happen but I feel like bonding with my baby for the year is more important than uni? I also hate my degree and don't want a career in that field which makes it harder but I wanted to plough through so I could graduate and have something to show for the first 2 years I have done.
I don't really know what I'm asking I think I just needed to write it all down as I'm struggling....
Sorry it's so long!