Breast milk or mental health

[Squashie]

DS is nearly 3 weeks old and is having a combination of expressed milk for about a quarter of the feeds and formula for the rest due to tongue tie. I am expressing 3 times a day or so to get this amount for him but I am finding it really stressful and feel like it is taking over my day having to plan around when to express and it is taking away time from being with DS. It has now got so bad that I sit in tears every time I am expressing and now just thinking about it all makes me break down. I had an awful night staying in hospital after the birth, bed bound after a c section and failing to breastfeed with such little help that DS was screaming for 2 hours when I couldn’t get to him and no one would come and help me (DH had been sent home) and I feel like the whole issue around feeding keeps bringing me back to the stress of that night. I now have an infected c section wound so I’m on antibiotics which I’ve been told are safe for breastfeeding but I’m worried about the expressed milk giving DS thrush or a stomach upset. I am at the point of giving up with expressing for the sake of my mental health and swapping to 100% formula but feel guilty for the health of DS not giving any breast milk.

I don't have a daughter (3 adult sons) but if I did and she was suffering as you are I would be telling her to Stop now.

I did feed my babies but you don't get an award for it, it doesn't make you a better mother. I fed because I could. Any problems and I would have had them straight on a bottle. There's so much pressure to breast feed now and this is what it creates.

Please look at the bigger picture. Bottle feed your baby and enjoy your time as a new mum. Trust me what you are putting yourself through is just not worth it.

Please don’t minimise the tremendous efforts these women have already gone through to provide breastmilk for their babies. So many mums want to breastfeed but are let down by the lack of support to help them achieve this when there are problems. If you don’t want to bf - your choice. If you’ve reached your limit and feel you need to stop - your choice. Especially in the current situation the odds are stacked against you and it’s not your fault at all if it’s all just got too hard. Be proud of what you have achieved, whether it’s 3 weeks, 3 months or 3 years. It was worth it.

Thank you all so much. I have packed away the pump and swapped to 100% formula and already feeling so much more positive about everything.

What you need is a fed baby and a happy mother- how you arrive at that is up to you. I bottle fed my twins, breast fed my first exclusively and combination fed the middle one. They are now older and you could not tell which ones had which feeding method. Please do whatever works for you and don't feel guilty about not breast feeding.

@Squashie

Thank you all so much. I have packed away the pump and swapped to 100% formula and already feeling so much more positive about everything.

Honestly, well done.

I made the same difficult decision 2 years ago for DS and I never regretted it.

Well done, OP. I think now you've made a decision it'll be a tremendous relief, you've devoted so much time and energy to just worrying about what to do nevermind the physical effort of BF. But you've done wonderfully well and made the right decisions at the right time for you and your baby. I wish I could give you a big hug!

Well done @Squashie. Glad you are feeling more positive now.

@Squashie good to hear. So much easier now you've made a clear choice. Enjoy motherhood.

@Squashie I've also decided to move to 100% formula feeding. I've really been struggling to breastfeed due to baby struggling to latch on and my nipples always hurting. When I was pumping it really made me feel down. I also put my pump away now and I feel alot better.

@Kazzx I’m glad you are feeling much better too, it’s a hard decision to make but it sounds like you have struggled enough

Please give formula and stop making yourself ill. I did it for ages thinking I would be a failure and every feed hurt. Wish I just have formula sooner

It honestly won’t make any difference to baby in the long run!

Take a look out the window at the people walking around. Can you tell who was breastfed and who wasn’t? Nope.

Because it makes no lasting difference on a person.

Please don’t worry. You sound like an amazingly caring Mum, your baby is so lucky to have you.

Breast is NOT always best.