Does it get better

[Babyblues12]

My little boy is 2 weeks old. At the moment I regret having him, I feel like I made this decision to have a baby without really appreciating the enormity of it all. I was very happy before, I had such a happy life with DH and now it's over.

I didnt feel an instant rush of love for my son, I feel like he is a stranger in my home.

I'm scared my DH will end up resenting me for ruining both of our lives.

Will it get better, I so desperately want my child to feel loved and I feel awful for just wishing he wasnt here.

It will 100% get better! I remember feeling like this when my DS 1 was a similar age, you’re hormonal and tired and it’s a big lifestyle change. It DOES get better but speak to your health visitor to make sure you’re accessing support.
I think the current climate isn’t helping either. I’m due to finish my maternity leave with my third child this week and it’s hard not being able to access baby groups or meet other mums in the same way, could you see if your HV could recommend some online options? Speaking with other new parents definitely helps, whatever you’re thinking I guarantee another parent will have felt exactly the same at some point!!!! Xxxx

So sorry you feel like this. It is such early days, please don't worry about how you're feeling - you've been through a massive upheaval and are still recovering. How are you feeling physically? I felt in shock for some time after giving birth, both physically (shakes, achy, run down etc) and also mentally. I remember being utterly shocked at just how horrible the recovery period was and how no-one had warned me about that bit!

I also didn't feel an overwhelming rush of love for my baby the way some say they do. It was more a duty to get through in the early days. As he's gotten older though, his little personality has begun to come through and I know and love him more than ever.

I found talking to people so important, especially as we were mid-lockdown and couldn't see anyone when he was first born. Do you have someone you could chat to about how you're feeling?

Thank you both for taking the time to respond.

I had to have an emergency c-section and I found the recovery from that very hard.

I'm scared, I'm going to spend my whole life in regret, it helps me to know that other mums have felt this way too.
I have recently moved and with covid, I feel very isolated. I would love to be able to take him to the childrens centre or groups to meet others.
I'm lucky as I have been able to talk to DH and my mum about how I'm feeling, with no judgement.

The health visitor is coming next week, I will speak to her as I am worried about the possibility of PND.

It does get better. I felt totally shocked when I came home from hospital. I couldn’t believe I’d been allowed to go home with a baby who seemed so fragile and I didn’t have a clue what to do. Your feelings are completely normal. Your DH is probably feeling very similar - have you asked him? It takes time to build up your understanding of the baby and to recover from labour. It is a shock that nobody can really prepare you for before birth.

If you are concerned please talk to your health visitor or GP or just share your feelings with family or friends. It is very natural and normal and things will get better.

Sorry - we posted at same time so I didn’t see your update. I’m glad you’ve spoken to your DH, mum etc.

After a while you will build up new routines. Try to go easy on yourself. Physical recovery is a slow process too, I never realised that. I remember at 6 weeks after having the baby finally laughing at something naturally and feeling more like my old self. Best wishes 💐

I had an emergency section for the first time with my third child and it definitely knocks the stuffing out of you! The recovery was so much harder than my other two births so cut yourself some slack ,it’s major surgery.
I agree with @dustyphoenix that at this age your baby isn’t doing much and it’s a constant round of feeding, changing and general tiredness. As he starts to smile and interact I think your maternal feelings grow (that’s how I felt anyway). Can you not give your hv a call in the meantime if you’re concerned rather than waiting for their visit?

I had an emergency c section too. The trauma of it really ruined the first few weeks. I ended up switching from breast to formula which took a lot of pressure of and helped me to recover a little better. But yes, it's hard but it will get better

I'm holding on to the hope that when his little personality emerges I will find that love for him.

It's all so hard, I feel like it's the darker side of parenthood no one really warns you about

Keep talking to us. You're right though, i honestly wondered why no-one had warned me how hard it could be. And don't forget that having a newborn in the middle of a pandemic will be a big contributor. It isn't all 'you'. I found that really helped me - recognising that if we hadn't been in lockdown i would have been able to access breastfeeding support, help with housework, visiting family etc. Wheb i realised that it wasn't just an issue of me and my feelings but also about the circumstances i was in, that was a major help because it started being less about 'what's wrong with me? ' and more like 'this is a really difficult situation, what do i need to help me cope in it?'. And if you've just moved too, no wonder you feel isolated. So glad you can talk to your Mum and DH.

@Babyblues12
It absolutely gets better !! I had a traumatic birth, lost a lot of blood, low iron, hasn’t slept for 3 days. Stitches broke down by day 4pp. When I got home I was a zombie! My son had colic & would scream during the night. The first 2 weeks I sat crying everyday asking myself if I’d made a massive mistake. It was the hardest thing ever!
I’m now 12w pp & it’s completely different. The love grew gradually, I recovered over time, my son settled in to a routine. Don’t get me wrong, I still have days when I’m shattered & think can someone take him away for an hour or so haha. But that’s mam life.
You will get there I promise!

Thank you all so much for sharing your own stories with me. I really feel a little brighter then I did earlier.

I'm going to make sure I keep talking about how I feel with those around me and use the support of others.

OP it is bloody hard going and I can remember having very dark thoughts with DC1.

It's very early days - you will start to feel better, adapting to being a mum is a huge huge shock and it'll take some time for you to get used to it (and your partner!).

Try to be really really kind to yourself. Have a look on Facebook to see if there are local mums groups you can join. And remember you're doing this at a really really difficult time for everybody! Are you getting much practical support from DH/ your mum?

I found with DC1 that when he started smiling it all felt much easier (around 8 weeks). DC2 is now 14 weeks and loves smiling loads and it makes a real difference!

Hi OP

MY DC2 is almost 3 weeks old and I'm feeling similar. I remember having terrible baby blues first time round as well.

I am finding life really bleak at the moment, everything seems too much! And this is my 2nd so I should know better in that it is only temporary and that this stage does quickly pass! But doesn't stop it being so so hard right now.

I second that when they smile is when the love starts to truly grow, you start to get a little something back then. I'm currently feeling a bit like my DD is just miserable and hates me and the world as all she does is cry lol which is ridiculous as she's only a newborn!

My DS is now almost 3 and I love him so much it hurts! I know that I'm capable of that love again and you will be too.

I really hope you feel better soon and the fog begins to lift as it is such an awful feeling! I'm totally with you ❤️