Sleep deprived, with a 9 week old who constantly feeds

[Aworriedteacher]

I'm struggling so bad. I am exclusively breastfeeding, but my DD just feeds all the time. She is 9 weeks old. She fed 18 times in the past 24 hrs. Which is really hard, but bearable during the day. But at night she quite often wakes a number of times (on a good night she might have one stretch of 3 hours, but normally just 2 hours, on a bad night she's up every hour) I am just so so tired. Now I'm at the point I can't sleep, even when she is. I feel like I'm cracking up. I can't enjoy spending time with her anymore. I don't have any friends or family nearby, so there is no one I can call on to help during the day. My husband tries. But unless I stop breastfeeding what can he do? He works during the day. I'm exhausted, and in tears every day. I just need some sleep.

Sorry to hear you’re struggling OP. My first baby was up every 2 hours too until 11 weeks and then began taking long stretches. People used to tell me all the time that it gets better and it really is true.

The first few weeks are so hard when you’re sleep deprived and can’t sleep when baby does. Could you express a bottle or two so your DH can help with feeds and let you sleep?

You don’t have to stop breastfeeding but you could try mixed feeding? For the sake of your mental health. It means your husband can take over sometimes so you can rest.
Have you tried a dummy?

I've been trying to express milk, but have only managed to get the smallest amount. I only have a hand pump though.
Until this last week my DH has been really opposed to dummies, he has started saying I could try it now though. As I am struggling so badly. Tonight she hasn't even been that bad, she's gone for a few hours, but I just can't sleep. I was thinking I could try mixed feeding, but am worried it might damage my milk supply? I am worried what will happen, if I keep not sleeping. So far tonight I've been in bed for five hours, and slept for about 30 minutes.

I really feel you. Same happened to me and my mental health took such a battering and I was so miserable and tired that one evening, my husband and mum staged an intervention and made up a bottle. Never looked back. My little girl is 8 weeks old and typically does a 6-7 hour stint at night before waking for a bottle. She then goes back down for another 3 hours or so. Hands down, absolute best decision for us. If I had a second I'd go straight to bottle feeding and wouldn't bat an eyelid. At first I wished I'd persevered with BF a bit longer but ultimately, my baby is fed, happy, sleeps well and I feel like a brand new person and a much better mum because I can actually enjoy her. Currently having a minor setback as she had her 8-week jabs on Monday and has screamed blue murder ever since but that's a different story!!

Definitely try a Hakka, I get the most if I use it during a morning feed. Also I combination fed DS1 from 8 weeks until I stopped breastfeeding when he was 14months. He had one bottle a day, sometimes expressed milk, sometimes formula, which meant I got some extra sleep and DH enjoyed it. No issues with supply. My DD is 1 week, she’ll be getting a bottle in a couple of weeks once I’m sure she’s well established breastfeeding.

Use some formula OP. Expressing just adds in even more stress when you are already at breaking point with tiredness.
Get yourself some rest and sleep.
Your milk supply will be fine if you keep feeding a few times a day.
Some people are militant about breastfeeding but is it really worth it? Your baby needs a happy one, not an exhausted depressed one. Formula is fine and safe and babies thrive on it.
Your health and mental health are more important.

Definitely try a dummy. She could well be using you for comfort as well as feeding. There is absolutely no harm in trying a comforter when you are so exhausted like this!!
Otherwise, like PP have said. Perhaps try mix feeding for a little while. She gets a full tummy on formula, you can get some rest and keep the expression up. Your milk will soon catch up. It's no wonder mum's find expressing hard when they are so exhausted.
Hope you can work it out! It really does get easier past 12 weeks

I breastfed all four of my babies and I know this is maybe controversial advice but I co slept with them all and just let them feed lying down next to me throughout the night. They were so much more settled lying next to me and helping themselves so to speak. I also swaddled them which they loved. It meant I got plenty of sleep so I could function and look after the other children the next day! I also agree you could try a dummy, two of Mine had dummies as the constant sucking really helped them settle. Also agree with a pp who said dont bother expressing, just use formula if you want to give a bottle. I found expressing so much faff and when you are already sleep deprived its sometimes not worth all the extra hassle . Hope you are ok !

Of course if you were to try co sleeping follow all the guidelines

Hi OP!

My DS has just turned 3 months and Was very similar to your little one. I felt emotionally and physically exhausted and questioned why I ever decided to BF my little one.

I got in touch with my local infant feeding team a few weeks ago and they asked me if they could come and observe him feeding as I mentioned he was constantly feeding and his weight was a little low. Whilst observing his latch they gave me a few tips so he could get a bigger mouthful of breast tissue as they mentioned that he only tiny mouth. Within the first week he was feeding less and going longer between feeds, which felt life changing to me. They have referred me him to the hospital as they believe he may be tongue tied which could another reason he was feeding for so long. I guess what I’m saying is don’t be too scared or embarrassed to ask for help. I wish I had done so much earlier on.

We have also started giving him a bottle of formula before we put him to bed. This helps him sleep for much longer meaning we can get a few undisturbed hours sleep. I will breastfeed him in the day and then pump after he had his bottle of formula. Your husband can do the formula feed and you can pump and get an early night a few times a week.

A dummy could be an option if it’s something your prepared to consider. Sometimes babies feed for comfort rather than for hunger and if it doesn’t work then it’s something you’ve tried and tested.

Don’t feel if guilty for giving little one a bottle it means it makes things easier for you. You have to continue to look after yourself as well as baby.

And just remember your doing an amazing job and things do get easier, I promise. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Hi OP just wanted to say I feel your pain, my DS was the exact same and would wake up the minute he was put down plus be on the boob alllll the time!

It does get better but I found the biggest change for me getting some rest was co sleeping, when breastfeeding its actually very safe providing you follow the guidelines and it becomes really easy to half wake up / flop out a boob when they wake up in the night. If you get really good at it you can kind of half sleep while feeding and then drop straight back off again. I did it until DS was about 3 months then gradually transitioned him into the snuzpod but many people do it longer than that for their own sanity!

The other option which also works well if you don't want to cosleep is using a hakka through the day to collect your letdown on the other boob with each feed and making up a bottle which you can leave your DH to feed baby when you've gone to bed! X