Utterly Miserable

[Somewhereovertherainbow85]

Hi,

I had my 2nd baby 6 weeks ago & as the title suggests, I’m so completely miserable. my partner has been great & helps a lot with baby, plus takes our 3 year old out a lot to give me a bit of a break, but baby 2 just won’t settle unless she’s held & Im finding it so exhausting holding her all day. I have a sling but even that is tiring me out.

She doesn’t sleep great at night & that’s adding to my tiredness. I feel sorry for my older child because I just don’t have the time or energy anymore, plus I keep crying which can’t be good to witness.

I feel like my partner is coping so well & I'm completely failing here. He cooks every night, gets up in the morning with our older child, he’s taken them both out several times. Both times I’ve tried, the baby has cried the entire time & made me so miserable that I’ve come home in tears.

I don’t know why I can’t cope this time, I can’t believe I feel this way. It’s horrendous, I wish the days away but then dread the night because I know I won’t get to sleep.

Partner said I’m “giving up” when I told him I can’t cope. I just feel like such a failure & shit mum. I feel awful saying it but I wish we hadn’t had a second child.

When we see other people they keep telling me how much more chilled out I seem this time round & I find myself lying & saying how ok I am when I’m not at all!

I don’t feel like I have anyone I can confide in or to turn to for help. Health visitor has been once to check on baby then couldn’t get out the house quick enough. I know lockdown has made things difficult but I feel so alone.

Oh goodness, it's so hard sometimes Im gonna pick out some bits of your thread and reply!

I feel sorry for my older child because I just don’t have the time or energy anymore, plus I keep crying which can’t be good to witness. You have given your child a sibling, who with good fortune will be with your eldest right through their life. Also, crying of course isn't great because it shows you're finding things hard, but isn't damaging your children in some deep way, I would say to the eldest I'm very tired and just like you I sometimes feel like crying. But I'll feel a bit better after a cry.

I feel like my partner is coping so well & I'm completely failing here. I'm guessing he had an easier pregnancy and birth than you did? No one who produced a new human is failing anyone. Honestly, your baby is only six weeks old.

I don’t know why I can’t cope this time, I can’t believe I feel this way We don't know why, it just is. It is possibly postnatal depression over which you have no control. Your GP can advise on this. If it is PND, thinking about why won't change it, so don't give yourself a hard time.

Partner said I’m “giving up” when I told him I can’t cope. This is unhelpful. I don't know if he's normally kind or not, but you're not giving up, you sound like you need support.

I'm so sorry it is hard.

I understand why you feel you should be able to cope, but the best thing is often to just say 'I'm not feeling right' and see what the GP says. Try to tell your friends, family and partner the truth.

I would investigate PND and try to be very very kind to myself.

Oh, and I should add, sleep deprivation is truly evil, there is a reason it is used as torture.