I feel like I'm going to die. Is this normal?

[Makeitadouble1]

This is probably going to sound ridiculous.. But for the past few weeks, I've literally convinced myself that I'm going to die soon.. To the point I've taken out life insurance.

I had my baby 4 months ago via emergency c section.. Was on blood thinning injections whilst I recovered.. I did recover and was fine until this past month and I've been a mess.

I constantly panic that something bad is going to happen to my baby, pray every night that I'm not taken away from her or vice versa.. And then recently, my ankles have got really swollen just quite out of the blue and haven't changed in weeks... I had a phone consultation with a Dr who said its because of the weight I'm carrying from pregnancy.... But I'm convinced it's something else.

I know I've got extreme anxiety at the minute about almost everything to the point it's now controlling my life... But I'm scared to go to sleep most nights thinking I won't wake up... Or that I'm going to have a heart attack and drop down dead.. That I've got cancer or heart failure... I literally feel like I'm not going to be around to raise my baby.

Is this normal after you've had a baby? Ive got a Dr's appointment on Wednesday but I don't want them to fob me off again.. Like I want them to check my heart and take bloods for my own peace of mind.

Not one to ever be ill either and I rarely if ever go to the doctors ever.

Hey, I hope youre ok. Its always worrying when you have a baby, probably heightened by covid19 and the worry around that. You do sound particulary anxious, so worth going to your GP. Have you got a partner who can understand and help?

OP
This doesn’t sound ridiculous I could have written it myself 4 years ago. I had a very traumatic birth followed by a haemorrhage and sepsis I was in hospital for 8 days really quite unwell. Recovered at home slowly but surely but became obsessed that something would happen to me and leave baby. I convinced myself the headaches I was having was a brain tumour (they were tension headaches from stress/lack of sleep) and would second guess every tiny symptom. I was scared to go to sleep so stayed up disinfecting all the surfaces to protect baby. It all came to a head when I hadn’t slept for days and phoned my HV for help. I was quickly seen by HV and GP who diagnosed me with post traumatic stress from the trauma and PND I started some meds, therapy and had a birth debriefing with a consultant and midwife at the hospital which clarified lots of things. It passed relatively quickly and therapy taught me lots of ways to rationalise my thoughts. You aren’t being ridiculous OP you have been through a difficult thing and then you have a new born and hormones to deal with too. If you aren’t happy with the GP you see get a second opinion and I don’t know what your HV is like but mine was amazing! You have taken the first step asking for some help.

Hi @Makeitadouble1 this sounds like Post Natal Depression, please keep the appointment with your GP and ask for a referral to the post natal mental health team. If it feels like a hard conversation to start then write it down and give the paper to your GP when you attend.

How was the circumstances around your EMCS? Could you have PTSD? What you’ve described sounds very much how I felt and acted after my section. I was treated for PTSD and recovered but it was a horrible time. Please message me directly if you need any extra support.

What you’re experiencing is not normal at all. Please try to prioritise sleep and get help from people in your life to watch the baby so that can have some time to yourself. You are still recovering and sleep will really help with that and physical healing. Also please get your doctor to check your iron and vitamin levels. It will all be ok, but please see your gp as soon as possible

There's nothing quite like having a baby to make you very aware of your own mortality. I think that's particularly true if you've had a traumatic birth. The hormones/sleep deprivation/new little life you're now responsible for are also bound to take their toll on your mental wellbeing. So in answer to your question, I think it is normal to feel real anxiety about your own health/the health of your baby to an extent. It becomes abnormal when it starts to interfere with your ability to function. When these thoughts become intrusive and have an impact upon your ability to carry out day to day activities, you need to seek help. Post natal anxiety is really common, your HV/GP will have seen this many, many times and will be able to offer help/support. Sending you a big hug, this will get better.

Thanks for all your replies. Yeah about 2 weeks ago I was lying in bed and genuinely thought I was having a heart attack.. I rang 111 for the first time in my life and the lady on the phone went through all the symptoms with me and said it sounded very much like I had an anxiety attack.

The only appointment I could get was this Wednesday to speak to a Dr. I just feel extremely overwhelmed at times, burst into tears a lot, I'm very snappy with my dp and agitated when his children come over (and I hate feeling like that towards them) it just gets too much where I feel like I can't breathe and that no one is listening to how I feel.

I'm always calm with my baby.. I don't want her to feel my stressy vibes.. Family offer to have her so I can have a break but I'm terrified of something happening to her.. My dp took her out for 4 hours today and she screamed the whole time.. Which caused me major distress when she came home and now I don't want to ever leave her with anyone ever.. Which I'm going to cause a rod for my own back...

In terms of the birth it all happened so fast. My mucus plug went (which I thought were my waters) then the contractions started and came in thick and fast, by the time I got to the hospital they had to break my waters as they weren't happy with babies heart rate, and after about an hour of monitoring they put me under general anasthetic and had to get her out ASAP or she wouldn't have survived. She was ready but I was no where near dilated enough.
Tbh I thought I was OK after that.. Recovered OK at home.. She was born 3 days into the lockdown so I had my partner at home for like 11 weeks...
This has all came on since he's been back at work and since my ankles have swollen.. Now its all I can think about and I've convinced myself I've got a heart problem... Its just awful feeling like this

I've gained so much weight these past 3 years, had a sit down job, not been active.. Took on a lot of mental stress in the relationship.. Think it's all been gradually building up and now since I've had my baby it's just got so bad. Its blew up.

I'm just scared that i won't be around to watch her grow up. I've been googling all kinds of things. Watching morbid cancer vlogs on YouTube thinking it's going to be me soon. That insurance advert keeps coming up where different people talk about thier loved one they lost saying things like "she had this mole behind her ear..." or "he had a tight chest and a cough and two hours later her was dead"... And I'm like.. I've got moles behind my ear!!! Ive got a tight chest and a cough!!...its relentless. I've never had this ever. I get palpatations all the time. Was on the sofa earlier with the baby on me and my heart literally jumped. I felt it jump... Then checked my pulse and it was beating so hard. I'm terrified I've got an undiagnosed heart problem.

You need to seek help and advice for your anxiety. Please tell the GP how you feel.

I honestly could have written this myself!

I'm massively exhausted with how bad my health anxiety is! I'm the same. Someone says they for don't feel well- I convince myself I don't feel well either. I can get a headache- swear it's a tumour. Stomach ache- I'm dying. Any pain- cancer I'm dying. Moles, rash, feel sick, anything!!! It's constant!
I have this gut feeling that I will die and leave my 2.5 year old son behind. He won't remember me, he won't get to grow up with me as his mum. My chest goes tight when I think of this ( even now writing it) I panic, feel dizzy, feel terrible all over.
What if know one else knows what he likes? What if they don't read the right story? Or put his teddies on the side how he likes? What if he wants a cuddle off me and I'm not there anymore? It breaks my heart just to think about it. Absolutely horrendous feeling rushes over me.
Day time, night time, when I'm in the shower, driving, cooking...anything. I can't breath, I panic, cry, full on panic attack!!

Iv spoken on the phone to a therapist for 2 months now, it hasn't helped. He doesn't understand how I feel. My sons dad doesn't understand either, says it won't happen, says I will always be about.
My head tells me different. It's a feeling that is crushing me.

I could go on and on..... please reach out if you want to talk. Please don't be alone with your thoughts. I'm happy to talk on here or privately.
I hope your ok x

I feel exactly the same. I am 4 months postpartum and all I think of is that I am dying. Or I have cancer or something sinister is going to happen and I won’t see my babies grow. I have just been diagnosed with postpartum thyroiditis which explains my anxiety. But I really want to get on with my life. Because of all these thoughts I feel like am letting the babies down because I don’t have the energy to play with them. I stay up all night googling tiny symptoms and then am convinced I have cancer. I have seen a lot of people lately die and now I just think am next. I feel sick all the time and I just cry all the time now. I don’t know if it’s postpartum depression. I need help but I feel like no one will understand.

I had this after my c section it started because I felt really unwell after it and kept getting heart palpitations so in my head I believed I would have a heart attack. A young family member of mine died of a heart attack and I think that’s where it stemmed from. Mix that with post partum hormones and anxiety I was a wreck. It had gotten much better and I am now ok thank god, if you do get worse please speak to your gp though x

@Fadam1 I have been diagnosed with the same my thyroid was overactive a few months ago
It’s now under active x

@Makeitadouble1 have you had any bloods done since the birth? I literally felt the same about heart problems and it was post partum thyroidism.

Hey, sorry I haven't replied on this thread for ages. No I haven't had any bloods taken but I'm definitely going to. My sister told me it might be my thyroid and to get it checked so that's next on my list.

To be honest, I am literally exhausted from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to sleep. Even with sleep I'm still exhausted and I'm thinking is it because I've got a 1 year old who I'm running after and trying to keep alive or is something wrong with me?
I have literally no energy and feel like I'm totally failing as a mother