Post natal depression?

[ellieellie44]

Hi, I'm just wondering if anyone thinks this points towards pnd😢Baby born 2 weeks ago, I had depression ptsd and anxiety prior to being pregnant, baby's birth was fine and went smoothly. I'm so so irritable with everyone and everything and barely sleep and if I do sleep I never sleep properly or for long, I'm also so so emotional. I won't accept any help from my family, my baby had multiple problems from being born, one being severe reflux, the other disorganised feeding and now has a tube (being weaned off tube onto bottles) and the other being that he's an "awkward" feeder but due to that the milk could possibly go down his airway so he has to be fed in a certain way. Hes wide awake at night will not settle at all no matter what and in the end I just sometimes end up covering my ears and crying, he sometimes sleeps but then we both sometimes sleep through one of his feed times so it makes me feel like a guilty mum. I won't let anyone take him during the day so I can sleep, as I don't feel like anyone else can feed him properly especially since they said his feed could end up going down his airway if he's not fed properly, he also will not take a full bottle unless I give it to him, and will take 20ml less if anyone else gives it him so I feel that I have to feed him so he takes full feed and then I know he's being fed properly and taking the correct amount. I hate people holding him for too long i generally just hate people touching him. I don't get why I'm being like this I just feel like I really can't help it it's so overwhelming I feel like I've turned into a completely different person since he's been poorly. I wasn't like this the first 5 days of his life, on the 5th day he was admitted to hospital with jaundice and that's when they noticed his feeding and put tube in then found out about his feed possibly going into airway if he's not fed right. I just don't know why I'm like this anymore and I'm so irritable and snappy and feel bad especially at night as I feel Like I can't look after him properly at night as I'm so tired and try not to fall asleep but he just doesn't settle he cries no matter what I do no matter how much I feed him or where I put him or how I hold him just no matter what I do he won't settle so I just sit and cry sometimes. 😩

I really feel for you and it’s 100 percent natural for you to feel this way especially given he’s not well and the food maybe entering the airway but I think not letting anyone touch him at all (unless that’s also a covid anxiety thing) does point to PND or more accurately post natal anxiety. I think you do need to reach out to you health visitor for help. I remember crying so much in those early weeks (and I had a well child) so please get that this is natural, especially with the sleep deprivation. I think you do need to relinquish control of holding him but not of feeding him, that way you can control the dangerous situation but let people help on the easier stuff. Also do you have a partner to help at all or a relative that could move in to help?

My family do try to help but I hate anyone touching them so on the rare occasion I do let them help I think they can tell I dislike it because I just can't help but be irritable with them and nit pick at everything they do I just feel like they're not doing it correctly. Last night was a really bad night baby wouldn't settle AT ALL no matter what and wouldn't take his bottle and in the end I just sat there and cried but I remember feeling like I really really disliked him at the time and I now feel horrible for feeling like that. I don't know why I feel like this towards him sometimes I just feel like a horrible person and like I can't look after him sometimes

Sorry you feel like this OP,
The postnatal period is hard enough and it sounds like you've had a rough time

Can you ask when family "help" that they help by doing housework/food/washing? Things you actually need doing. Rather than simply helping with the baby/feeds?

I remember finding this really frustrating when I had DD, everyone wanted to "help" but all I really needed was someone to bring me food and tea so I could feed baby and sleep when she did. But instead they wanted me to provide food and drink while they sat and held her, so when ever she slept I ended up tidying/cleaning/making food and really hating it

@ShyOwl they don't want to help with anything like that, similar to you they just want to hold or feed the baby but I just cannot stand anyone holding him or touching him. I don't know why I feel like this and I've tried to explain it to them but I just get told that they're "trying to help and they can't help me unless I let them help" or I get told that I'm being ungrateful for not accepting their help. My little brother also has the personal hygiene of a pig so I don't let him touch the baby even if it's just to stroke his head unless he's washed and sanitised his hands. I don't know if I'm just being over the top but I really do not want anyone near him.