Depressed about postnatal body

[Ella123456]

I know there are many more important things to worry about but I can’t help but feel really down about the impact pregnancy and childbirth has had on my body.

I gave birth over a year ago and initially I told myself to be patient, but months of seeing physios and doing exercises to rehab my pelvic floor and core have had zero effect. I had a call with my doctor this morning who said that if there’s been no improvement by now then surgery is the only option. I just thought I’d be feeling more like myself by now, and am struggling to come to terms with the fact that this is just how it is now. None of my clothes fit me properly anymore, I have lower back pain most days and I can’t exercise like I used to.

Just wondering if anyone can relate.

I can totally relate. After my first, EMCS and 4 stone weight gain my pelvic floor was shot and my core muscles separated ( diastis recti) and I saw a post natal physio just to be able to lie on my back and lift one leg. But I did make progress. However, my second baby was born 14 month later and I was back to square one. Again saw a post natal physio ( she was RUBBISH and if this had been my only experience I would have been devoed) so instead i started with a post natal pt - got v v lucky with her and she REALLY knew her stuff. Did loads of core work through Pilates. Felt very very slow but 7 month later I was so much better- not back to before but 1 finger gap, could fit in clothes and was confident enough to wear a bikini on holiday. Still had some loose skin but overall I felt it was livable and with clothes on certainly fine. Anyway, I’m now 6 mths post part again and in the same position again I’ve managed to loose 3 of the 4 stone I put on each and every time and I’ve managed to close the gap from 5 fingers to 2. I don’t know who you have seen but in my experience there is a huge range of support - varying from the utterly shite to the absolutely amazing. It is entirely possible to fix your core and pelvic floor- but you need a.) the right guide/ physio/pt b.) it’s slow c.) it’s boring d.) it feels like u are getting nowhere BUT if you can do a bit each day ( and remember only perfect practice makes perfect otherwise u are just repeating ‘bad’ moves which is why u really need feedback from a ‘guide’ - easier said than done in a pandemic which is where I have found it so hard being on own with it all) you can do it. Oh and I also got recommended to watch what I ate or drank e.g bloating doesn’t enable core to knit back together as easily. Another thing to consider is if your ribs shifted during pregnancy and need massaging down.

I realise there’s a lot here- I just ( am sleep deprived) and didn’t want to read and run.

And be kind to yourself 12 mths isn’t that long xx

I totally relate OP. I recently posted on here about joint pain.

I feel more down about my weight gain than anything. I wonder if I will ever fit into my old clothes

You are not alone xx

You arent alone.

I will say though that I saw a physio for months for my pelvic floor and I was really disappointed that there was little improvement. I couldnt do much excersise (still cant run) I really made an effort with food and manage to loose my 2 stone baby weight & the improvement to my pelvic floor was massive.

I don't have any advice sadly, but I feel exactly the same OP. I just don't identify with my body, and there is not one feature that I like anymore. I had terrible PGP, and still get hip pain 18 months on, and often walk like I'm elderly if it is flaring up. And my main pregnancy symptom was insatiable, painful, hunger so I put on 3 stone. I'm trying to exercise now and it is coming off, but much slower than I would like.

@Xiaohei Can you elaborate on the ribs thing? Mine expanded (baby was breech which didnt help) and I feel like they haven't gone back.

Thanks so much ladies. It’s just comforting to know that I’m not the only one.

I agree about the range of quality of physios etc - everyone seems to differ about which exercises you should or shouldn’t be doing and gives totally different advice, which means I waste so much time obsessively googling ways to fix myself.

Thanks for the encouragement though - will try and be more patient with myself.

Defo seek out a few physios/ pts- for me when the exercises were working i can only describe as an ‘itchy’ feeling maybe? And at the end of an ‘engaged’ workout I’d notice my tummy muscles pulling up and in on their own rather than forcing it consciously- and that’s how I knew what I was doing was doing something if that makes sense? Honestly, if I’d seen the second lady first or not found the pt I did then I’d be sobbing into my pillow still now, saving pennies for a tummy tuck- I felt so bad after seeing her, and that there was nothing I could do.

This is a interesting website which real mummies post pics of their real bodies and feelings on. It makes me cry a bit that mummies are so hard on themselves ( um... me too.....massively) when they are fooking amazing for carrying, nurturing and loving their babies.
theshapeofamother.com/blog/my-4th-belly-iraiosc/

Thanks so much @Xiaohei - totally agree about feeling sad about it, I think if I knew my best friend or sister was feeling like this about their bodies after giving birth I’d tell them how amazing they were. It’s just difficult to come to terms with. You have given me hope though! Can I just ask what made the exercises your PT gave you different to the physios you’d seen? Or was it just having that guidance and encouragement?

Of course, I’ve attached them for you ( the ones from physio not from PT- with the PT I did a lot of work on The Reformer and other pilates). But what I would say is I found the feedback from having a person there invaluable and an very much missing it this time round in lockdown, even though it’s my third time around so I technically know what to do. For example, with the PT she would ( at the very end when nearly done) have me do plank and feedback that I was carrying in my shoulders etc. And a little shift and I’d feel my core switch on. I never would have got that on my own. Also meeting someone once a week kept me focussed and gave me something to aim for. This time round I’ve defo made progress but I’ve stalled on my own since about three/ two month ago. It’s a boring, slow, long journey on your own and if I ever get a full night’s sleep I’m planning on getting back on it and just doing a bit each day. And I need to stop eating so much in one sitting so I’m not all bloated as that defo doesn’t help the tummy to connect! None of its’s rocket science but when you’re knackered after having grown a human and kept the human alive it’s just another fuck load of mental/ physical admin to do to try and be/ feel like your old self- so be kind ( am pretty much now writing for myself....) to yourself xx

That’s really helpful, thanks @Xiaohei - you’ve given me hope and made me feel less alone. I hope your recovery goes well - & hats off to you for doing so well with your recovery twice before, you’ve shown it can be done xx

Awh you’re more than welcome- and actually it was good for me to stop for a min, have a think and reflect on what helped me last time instead of being all cross and frustrated I can’t see a physio in lock down. In fact, I’ve resolved ( now 4 month sleep regression issues are out the way and I feel semi human again) to re start doing my exercises too- so it helped me too- best of luck with it xx
( FYI there was some bbc3 documentary about tummy tucks I watched and I’d always kind of had it in the back of my mind if I didn’t sort it I could have one. Oh.... put me right off and helped me to focus on exercises!! Can’t remember the name but one of the presenters was Vogue Williams)