Postnatal depression - how do you know?

[Misscoffeecrazy3]

I just wanted advice really. I have a three year old and a three month old. I suffered with some pre natal depression while pregnant with my baby which improved for a little while immediately after he was born. Since he was around three weeks I’ve felt myself sliding into a dark place, dark thoughts, wanting to cry a lot, feeling anxious a lot of the time, having the strong urge to walk out the door and never come back. Is this postnatal depression? I never had it with my DD and not sure what to think. I don’t know whether I’m just reacting to my situation, maternity on lockdown, a very difficult baby (suspected reflux) rather than actually having PND. Sorry to Ramble. Any insight appreciated.

Whether or not it's Post Natal Illness, it does sound like you could benefit from some extra support

Does your DH/DP know how you are feeling? Could you tell them?

I would also call the GP and ask for an appointment as only they can tell you if it is PNI.

I think overall the experience is different for everyone.
My experience with DD was that I was tearful, anxious and paranoid towards my DH ( with no reason at all to be). I didn't enjoy taking care of her at all, I wanted to walk out and never come back. I also just kept saying I'm not my usual self because I'm tired, it's normal after such a big change etc It was only after I started taking ADs that I realised how low I was.
With DD I felt much closer to him and just wanted it to be me and him. I was tearful and angry ( anger wrongly directed towards my DH and DD ). It was the misplaced anger that made me see GP earlier that time. I didn't hurt anyone but I was unreasonably short tempered.
From what you've said I would advise speaking to your GP.

My DH knows I’ve tried explaining it to him. He’s trying to be as supportive as he can but as soon as it’s just me and the kids again I feel the same. I’m scared to go to the gp, I’m worried about having PND on my record. I’m a teacher and my employer doesn’t look kindly on mental health issues. I’m also worried it could be used to involve social services in some way. Sometimes I feel like I’m just overreacting and I’m just a bit down but it’s going on longer and longer and I feel like it takes less and less to dissolve me to tears each time. Thank you for your responses it’s so nice to tell someone about it.

Honestly, I've never heard of anyone having SS involved for speaking to the GP about PNI.

Only you know about your Employer but I would think that they would rather address the issue and get back to how you were rather than have you suffer?

If you are worried about seeking help, PANDAS have a free helpline which is open until 8 pm. I would try and speak to them and see what they suggest

Speak to your Dr. OP. They will be able to help you through this and it will be a step towards feeling better. I don't know how your employer would find out. As far as SS is concerned they are not likely to be involved . Your post reads as if you don't think you deserve help and are putting obstacles in the way which to me reads as if you are a bit depressed.

thank you for the responses. I know my concerns about speaking to the gp are ridiculous I don’t know why I feel so reluctant. I think I’ll call tomorrow and see what they say. Does anyone know what they will usually do? Are anti depressants the only option or do they offer alternatives?

Things are a bit different to usual at the moment but around here maternal mental health services are still up and running as are more general counselling services although as far as I know most if not all are via phone or video consult.