Struggling to cope

[J794]

I have a 5 week old girl who I love so dearly but she is quite a fussy baby. She doesn’t sleep very well during the day and some nights she doesn’t either (and when she does I’m kept awake by a million things going through my head). My partner is working from home due to lockdown so is limited on how he can help. The first four weeks he was off and did most of the looking after as I had an emergency c section and suffered infections. Now this is the start of my second week kind of doing it all myself and I just feel I’m struggling to cope.

When she is awake she is fussy and I can’t seem to settle her and after a while I get so upset and I end up crying too! I end up feeling like I’m doing everything wrong and then my partner has to come to the rescue. In the evenings he ends up doing everything because I’m so worried she’s going to cry again as soon as I spend any time with her.

I hate myself for saying it but when she’s not asleep I find myself just praying she’ll go to sleep so I don’t have to worry.

I feel the lockdown has played a big part as we haven’t had a single break since she was born as she was born the day the lockdown was announced and I spend everyday wishing I had my mum to talk me through it all! I’m so terrified of the time my partner will have to go back to the office as I feel I can’t cope with her for more than a few hours.

I love her so so much but feel I am failing at being a good mum!

-sorry for the long post, I’m just hoping someone will tell me things will get better.

Newborns can be hard work, mine was like you've described your little girl. He wouldn't sleep, was so fussy. I was exhausted! Don't be so hard on yourself, you sound a lovely mum and your hormones will be all over the place at the moment too but as they settle down you will start to feel better. This stage will pass, I promise. You will relax and feel at ease with her. I remember crying my eyes out while expressing milk one night, I felt utterly useless but looking back I know it was just down to my hormones and being tired.
You can always ask your HV for advice and help, they are there to support you.

It will get better, it really will. At around 5/6 weeks I wanted to leave my baby in the shops and throw myself under the bus. I was painfully miserable even though my baby was planned and everything I wanted. My partner worked 150 mile's away and only spent about 10 days together across her first year. I felt like I couldn't do anything, I tried a couple of different slings as they were the magic answer I'd heard mother's praising, but I struggled to work them out and felt even more hopeless. I can't remember exactly when things got better ( 3 yes old now), but they did. After a few months I found my feet and actually started to feel happy and hopeful again. Easier times will come soon, and you'll likely find you cope better on your own than you imagine now. Your still in the early weeks of recovery, good luck and congratulations.

My daughter was a nightmare newborn. Never happy, barely slept, it was awful. So I really sympathise.

I dont know if you're using sleep aids/white noise etc. If you are, try putting them away for a few days. Just have the house quiet and peaceful, the odd lamp on but nothing too glaring. I think we bombard newborns with light and noise and it unsettles them (just my opinion). If you havent tried swaddling, give it a go with a large muslin - worked really well for my baby, it makes them feel safe and stops them from waking themselves up startling. If you're not sure how to do it there are YouTube videos, it's really really easy.

When DH got back from work at 5ish he would take DD, I would then go to bed for 5 or 6 hours and take over again at around 11pm or midnight. Would that work for you?

Good luck

Thank you all for your comments. I feel reassured knowing this will pass!
I've spoken to doctors and they believe she has colic and that i have PND so fingers crossed we are now on the right path to both of us feeling better soon!

Oh sweetheart, this is so so normal even when we aren’t in lockdown.

I had a screamy colicky baby and it was hideous and totally unexpected. Your hormones are crazy, you are sleep deprived and you can’t even get out of the house or see family to make you feel better. One thing is for sure though, you are doing your best and are a great mum for doing so.

A good friend (who had many babies) once told me “at week 6, if you, your husband and your baby are all alive then you are smashing it” and it was the best advice I ever had.

Listen to your doctor, listen to yourself and do you best, you will be fine xx

I remember feeling like this when my DS was 5 or 6 weeks old. He would cry for hours for no reason and wouldn't sleep anywhere but on us! It was so tough but it really does get better. I used to put some of my favourite music on and dance the baby around the living room when he was crying and it seemed to calm him down and definitely improved my mood x

Hi
I'm 3 weeks in with baby number 4, and I still have to remind myself it's nothing I'm doing wrong!
One thing I do know is if your mood is more positive it has an effect on everyone around you, babies are great at picking up in this!
There will always be good and bad days remember you're doing a great job no matter what.
Take each day as it comes lovely xx