Why did I have a baby

[nokia3210567]

Six month old. Not had a full nights sleep in well over a year due to pregnancy before baby

Have no life, my body is absolutely ruined
I am so unhappy and depressed
Baby wasn't planned
Got made redundant whilst on mat leave

Don't even know who I am anymore

Not sure how much longer I can do this

That's really tough so didn't want to read and run. Do you have family/partner to support so you can get a bit of a break, even one night in a hotel to yourself?

I also think you should book a GP appointment and talk it through properly, that's a lot going on by anyone's standards

Oh love. I hated, hated, hated the first six months. I promise you it gets better.

Do you have a partner? Anyone who can do a night and give you a proper sleep?

A friend of a friend I bumped into at the shops when I was pushing my newborn around aimlessly whispered something to me I will be eternally grateful for. She said “it’s not a popular viewpoint but I’m not a fan of the first six months”... she must have seen it in my eyes... but I felt a weight off my shoulders immediately.

People make out babies are so cute and everyone has this instant rush of love for them and they sleep and eat and play when you want them to, etc etc .

You’ve had a rough start with being made redundant and the lack of sleep in pregnancy but all I can say to you is it gets better.

They are babies for such a short time, it is fleeting. Before you know it they will be packing a bag for school.

I think once they are on their feet it’s a massive help. It is easier logistically for you and also tires them out more so sleep is better. Then as they start to talk things get easier again as you then know what they want and can reason with them (to a degree) and the crying eventually winds down too.

Hang in there. This time next year you will have a different child and you’ll feel more like yourself again.

It’s hard but it’s also constantly changing, so keep pushing forward. It won’t be like this forever.

The early months/toddler years are hard. But I will tell you this, it gets easier as they get out of the toddler stage. My eldest is 10, she is honestly my mini best friend. We go to the cinema together, lie in bed watching Netflix on sunday mornings, go for jogs together, have pamper nights and basically just have alot of fun together. When she was a screaming/collicky/tantrum throwing insomniac lol, I would never have been able to imagine one day she would be my little sidekick.

The days are long but the years are short. You will have a proper little person who can chat for hours and dress themselves one day very soon and you may even miss the baby days x

Take it from me, most mums think ‘Why did I do it?!’
I’ve had 5 and it’s not the number of children I’ve ever struggled with. It’s always the first 6 months. It’s awful for me. Hormones can take well up to a year to settle down again. Lack of sleep, missed meals, no time to take proper care of yourself.
6 months arrives, and soon your baby will start to sit up. High chair and marmite toast fingers or rice cakes and your baby will be chomping away for yonks. Next minute, you’ll put your baby on the floor and then wonder where it’s got to....rolling or crawling starts. It’s a really fast progression once past 6 months. Talk to your hv. They live the chance for a cuppa and a chat, and they offer some really good supportive advice.
Remember, you are perfectly normal. It is hard but it is about to get easier. Bless your heart, you’re being open and honest. You’re doing far better than you think you are.

Babies are hard work. Post natal body is hard to adjust too. Thays why everyone says how cute babies are especially when you can hand them back to thier parents. It gets easier, are there any baby groups you could attend? I lost so many friends after my 1st but I've also gained even better friends but that took time.

Just remember you have a little human who sees you as the best thing in the world.

For me the clouds lifted at some point between 6 and 8 months. Before that point it was just about getting through each 24hrs. Baby groups were very important for me and helped massively. I think you need to speak to gp as well. I now have 8 and 10 year old and they are my world. Hilarious, beautiful, cleaver boys. You have done amazing to get to this point op. It will all be worth it.

Firstly, you need to speak to your GP or health visitor about the way you're feeling.

You're going through a tough time and will get easier but it's important to keep a check on your feelings as you don't want to make it more difficult for yourself than it has to be by not looking after your mental health.

You will eventually feel like you again, but you'll need to make a conscious effort to do that.

I would try to meet a friend for coffee and get into a daily routine of going for walks with the pram (and the baby, obviously). Exercise helps massively.

I understand how you feel. For various reasons, I had no job to go back to after mat leave, had a horrible pregnancy, lots of work stress, traumatic birth, the lot. I remember one day not long after my son was born thinking - I have literally nothing to look forward to. Absolutely nothing. It was horrible. It felt like i would feel this way forever.
But, I promise it gets better. What helped me, and I was VERY depressed, was medical help (go to your gp, consider antidepressants, therapy, take any help they offer)
But just start small and build up in your life. Are there things you used to enjoy? I had no bond with my little boy, I felt like he wanted a different mum, one who would be all mumsy and I just felt a big old fraud. But things got much better once I decided to start concentrating on me, and what I enjoyed doing. I started taking him to places I enjoyed- walks on the beach, for a Chinese meal in the middle of the day, to watch a netball match. All sorts of random things. No baby groups, they made me feel worse! But by doing stuff that I was interested in, it made me feel like he really was my baby and we were sharing these funny little outings together. It really helped me to bond with him I think.
And, another big turning point was when I started looking for work again- even just putting aside a couple of hours to update my cv and seeing what was out there, made me feel like I had a ‘future’. A long year of maternity leave really felt endless for me.
Funnily enough, I miss the little guy like hell now I’m back in work....
Please, ask for help, and know that this time does go. And it’s ok to hate it (a lot more mothers do than admit it I think) Give yourself permission to simply survive this time, but trust that it gets better for so many of us.

Hijacking slightly but reading this has made me feel so much better. I have a three week old unplanned baby & have been wondering why on earth I did this. @nokia3210567 the fact you have made it to six months, despite difficulties, is amazing - you should be proud of yourself. How are you getting on today? I hope you have some RL support to call on, and that the wise posters above have offered some comfort.

Your not alone!

I’m struggling at 4 months. I know it will get better but I wonder everyday when. I feel awful for my thoughts. I wanted this little human but it’s so tough when they cry and even though your trying your best you don’t feel like your doing any good!

Hope you start to feel better and although I can’t give any advice. Know you are not alone!

You're not alone OP. I hated the first year with my first baby. It was endless and tiring and a massive shock to my system. I felt so much sadness and regret and really missed my old successful, spontaneous, sleep-filled life!
BUT
It did get better. Loads better. And it will for you too. As others have said, you're so close now. Don't despair! I found things got so much easier when DS started talking. And then again when he finally started to walk (he didn't crawl).
I was diagnosed with PND. Tried antidepressants but I was allergic to both types. St John's Wort helped though, as did some counselling.
You CAN do this. My two DC are 7 and 10 now and amazing, interesting, funny people. I don't remember their baby days with fondness though!

@nokia3210567 you've done so well!! You're 6 months in remember? I'm 10'weeks in, have just got in a bath I've had to refill twice as I've had a screamer for 2 hours! Finally asleep on daddy.. I've got approx 7 mins in this bath!!
I'm struggling, but looking on here I know I'm no way alone! I just googled 'when does the newborn phase get easier' and mumsnet came up! You're not alone.. it's tough, and I'm hoping it gets easier soon as every day is a massive struggle. I long for bed times so that I know I'll get 2-3 hours of sleep and my fiancé is next to me, then I'm not on my own. Hang on in there you're doing amazingly xxx

You're not alone asking yourself why you had a baby. In those first few months I always asked myself what hell have I done?!?!? Things do get easier, doesn't feel like it now, but they do. In the meantime can you maybe reach out to a GP or a HV? Do you have a DP for support? Family and friends?

Oh love. As previous posters said, the first 6/8 months is SO HARD! I remember me and my husband both sobbing wondering what the fuck we’d done and that it couldn’t possibly be normal for it to be this difficult. I promise you it does get better. It feels at the time like it couldn’t possibly, but it does.

Thanks for all your kind words. It's vwry nice of you all to take the time to reply to me.

I think I need to go to the gp because I feel worse every day tbh. Every night when I go to sleep I half wish I won't wake up

Go to the GP, make a plan of action with them, ask to be referred to perinatal mental health team (there will be one) and know that you WILL feel better. Just dig deep for a bit. People who haven’t had PND can’t know how truly awful it is. But just keep going, get help, tell your family how you feel. In a year’s time, you’ll look back and realise how far you’ve come, honestly

Speak to GP Or HV. I have a perinatal support worker and they have been great.

It’s still a struggle but it means you have people to talk to. Also open up to friends and family too if you can as this will lift a bit of a weight off.

It’s a horrible thing but just try take it day by day. That’s what I’m trying to do.