When will it feel normal?

[Mamabear04]

My LO is 3mo now and after a c-section it has taken me a long time to recover and only now feel like I can start lifting heavy objects and walk for more than half an hour without getting a sore/slightly swollen stomach. I've always been a very independent person and it's been really hard having to rely on other people for help during this time and I feel frustrated that life with my new baby doesn't feel normal yet. I've just started being able to get out the house and go to mother baby groups which is great but I see all the other mums there and they just all seem so capable and on it. I feel like I am so behind and I still have my mum coming round to help on hard days. I just want my new life to feel normal- not like it was before LO but a new normal. On top of this my LO has acid acid reflux so it's been really challenging in that respect too. I just feel like everyone else is just doing a much better job than me and I feel ashamed that I still have to have so much help when everyone else is just coping and getting on with it. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not very good at being a mum because of it. It's really got me down this past week. When will it start to feel normal or am I just not coping very well and need to accept it?

I think you may be being unnecessarily harsh on yourself OP. You've had surgery and instead of having a couple of weeks rest, which you would with most other abdominal surgery, you've had a newborn to look after. Plus your body has had to go through pg, labour and birth and then had to deal with the shift in hormones afterwards.

Add in a baby with reflux, and I think that you are doing amazingly well

Don't forget too that how some Mums present at baby groups, isn't necessarily how they feel.

There is so much pressure on Mums now to be perfect in every aspect that lots are scared of admitting that they are finding it hard. It's even been proved that a third lie about how much sleep their little one is actually having.

My advice would be to keep accepting the help from your DM and try not to worry. In lots of cultures, not leaving the house for the first few months and being looked after is the norm, and there are huge benefits to it.

Can I ask what help you are having with the reflux too? Has tongue tie been ruled out?

@JiltedJohnsJulie thanks for your kind words I really appreciate them. DD saw a GI consultant last week and the plan is to keep her on her medication and wean her early to help at about 4.5months if she is ready. Up until this point HV and GP haven't been much help at all and have felt that they just think me and DH are just sleep deprived and complaining about DD. My HV actually suggested that if I was less stressed DD might settle easier which was horrible to hear. I'm doing my best but it's super hard some days. I just want my baby to be happy and healthy and it's hard seeing other mums so productive with babies who settle well. I just want that for me and DD.

My DM has been an amazing help throughout it all and a good support as my brother had colic so she knows how it feels to look after a screaming baby.

Some babies are easier than others, and some births are easier than others. 3 months is such a short time I would give yourself credit that you have managed to get out of the house! Remember you don't see the mums who don't make it to mum and baby groups . Take each day as it comes it will get easier

@iamafriendlyladybird thank you - I've never thought about it like that. It does put it in perspective I guess!

Remember you don't see the mums who don't make it to mum and baby groups smile. Take each day as it comes it will get easier

That is so true iamafriendly

Mama did you read the link on tongue tie? What did you think?

@JiltedJohnsJulie the GP checked for tongue tie at our 6 week check up and said she was ok....

C-Sections are so tough, (I had natural with my first, section with second) the recover took such a long time probably 4 months to feel normal again. Go back to doctors if you are still in pain. I did and was sent for a scan, everything was fine it was just taking time to heal.

I remember feeling quite isolated when you are at home and feel rubbish and to top it off have a crying baby.

Be kind to yourself, accept help and arrange for friends to come over and are you getting a good amount of sleep? We do shifts so we all get sleep and it makes things so much better.

Take baby back to doctors/maybe consider seeing a tongue tie specialist as it can get missed so easily.

If I had a quid for everyone on MN who was told by their GP or HV that there was no tt, or it wasn’t affecting feeding when actually it was there and having a massive effect, well, I’d have an awful lot of £.

What you need is a tongue tie Practioner as GPS don’t receive any training on baby feeding, let alone tongue ties. Milk Matters, from my previous link, also offer this service.

I just think that with all of the issues you are having, it could easily be tt, in which case, early Weaning could actually make things worse —I’m looking at you DS—

My DC is 2 yo and it still doesn’t feel normal or happy. I don’t think this restricted and boring parenting life ever will. I’ll just have to wait for DC to grow up and give me some of my real life back. I’m not recovered from my c section either and I don’t think I ever will, I have permanent damage and the GPs just shrug their shoulders and say what do you want us to do?