Struggling to feed but can't leave hospital

[shutupsteph]

Gave birth yesterday and DS latched on relatively well but I knew I wanted some support while in hospital.

Requested help from a midwife the second we got up to the post natal ward and was given contradictory advice to what my delivery midwife had said. DS didn't seem to be latching with me so asked for support that didn't come. I asked maybe 7 times today and all i got was a breast pump with no rhyme or reason as to why I had it. Been talking about going home with the midwives all day. When it got past 8:30 and DP would need to leave the ward I asked again to be told we won't be allowed to leave citing my feeding issues and I had to stay and accept their help... that Id been asking for and not getting?

Had a big cry and vented my frustrations with the midwife and she's finally explained and started to help but I'm so frustrated. I can't see how my DS will just start to latch one day out of nowhere?

I just want to give up and go home. Any positive stories of breast feeding fails turning around?

Ah I feel for you. For me, I found the hospital midwives great at everything apart from breastfeeding support. There are groups like Cherubs that sometimes come into hospital? Also ask if they have a specialist breastfeeding team? Some big hospitals do.

if you really are struggling - just move onto expressing and feeding with a bottle, or, formula. Remember fed is best, as is a mum that isn’t exhausted and mentally drained.

Finally - I stayed in hospital with my first way longer than needed because the midwives were so slow at discharging me. If the paediatrician has okd your babies health, and you know how you’ll feed your baby, don’t be afraid to say - I want to leave today, please arrange my discharge papers.

Good luck xx

I feel you’re lain I remember not being sure if I was doing it right - I’m now 8 months in and still bfing. It is hard at the start and mixed with all the post birth hormones it’s an intense time! Remember it’s a new skill for you both to learn so don’t beat yourself up! I was sent this link about latching which helped me globalhealthmedia.org/portfolio-items/attaching-your-baby-at-the-breast/ especially in those first few days when your not sure what’s right! Just keep putting DS on to feed and practicing if it’s something you really want to do and if it’s too much as gettinonabitnow said some formula will give you a bit of relief! Sending you lots of strength and hope you can get out soon!

*pain

Not a positive story from me but more of a lesson learned. I had a very similar experience to you but the difficulties continued and I kept being told to stay another day and then another day... eventually ended up in hospital for nearly a week, utterly miserable and constantly waiting for help that never came. I think I would have done better going home sooner so that I could at least relax and have some calm and privacy. Eventually gave up a couple of days after getting home and feeling utterly miserable. If I had my time again, I would tell the midwives that I intended to go home, continue trying to breast feed but that I had bottles etc and would use formula if necessary (they just seem to need to tick a box that says you have a reasonable plan to keep baby fed one way or another).
This was my experience with DS2. DD1 also didn't latch on a few years earlier during another long hospital stay (difficult birth) but DS1 was a keen breastfeeder for over a year and I was turfed out of hospital the same day as the birth with him
If it doesn't work out, remember that it's really not the end of the world but I'm convinced that being in a comfortable environment at home can make the world of difference

I didn't find the midwives on the postnatal ward very helpful to be honest and got the same rebuttal when I asked 24 hours after I'd had DS (which I was told was the standard) whether I'd still be able to leave that evening. They said probably not, citing the need to assist me with feeding. I declined and said I wanted to go home. They made a bit of a fuss about the extra paperwork it would cause at shift handover and (I suspect deliberately) didn't discharge us until close to midnight, but we got home!

Sadly for us, DS developed bronchiolitis at 4 days old and ended up back in the same hospital but on the children's ward this time. I'd persevered with breastfeeding at home, topped up by formula and expressing a bit, but my experience on the ward couldn't be more different and the breastfeeding specialist they sent to see me was amazing. She managed to get DS latching properly for the first time and because my milk had come in by that point he seemed to get the hang of it much easier. He's just turned a year now and still feeding

Point being - don't let them push you down a route you're not happy with OP. Explain what you want to happen and have them explain why it shouldn't. If they do, argue your point/insist if necessary. The last thing most people want after birthing a baby is to be stuck in an unfamiliar environment. Best of luck

Congratulations on the birth of your little one!

Have the midwives / paediatrician properly checked for tongue tie? In my experience this is often missed.

The BEST baby ‘purchase’ I made was to pay for a lactation consultant to come to my home within the first week of leaving hospital. By far and away the key to setting me up for a long breastfeeding journey (sorry, I know that sounds wanky). Nothing to stop one coming to see you in hospital either. Can you google private lactation consultants or contact la leche league?

You may find baby settles better on your breast once your milk comes in, in a couple of days.

When my second child was born I thought I'd be able to get bf established easily as I'd fed DS1 before with no problems.

DS2 was a different kettle of fish! I remember pacing the hospital corridor at 3am after a section desperately trying to settle him because he wouldn't latch. No one helped me either.

It all changed when my milk came in though. I think DS finally realised there was something worth hanging around for!

Things that helped me before that were a nipple shield and lansinoh cream.

Good luck OP, you'll get there x

I'm currently awake and feeding my five month old who didn't latch on for a good few days after birth, he was too sleepy.

At one day old, this is definitely not a fail, please don't worry.

Resources vary so much in each hospital. We resorted to formula top ups so we could get home, then I had a visit from our local breastfeedi g support team the next day. That made all the difference. Can you ask what services are available in your area?

Congratulations on your new baby. Go easy on yourself, day 1 is still very early days

They may have given you a breast pump to encourage your milk to come in. I spent the first 3 ish days latching baby, then topping him with expressed milk, then formula. Then pumping while he slept to do the whole routine again. Day three I went from no milk to all the milk. The lady in the next bed was doing an intensive version of the pumping schedule to get her milk in (both on neonatal with premies, so I’ve no idea how normal this is)

Hopefully your nightshift staff are a lot better and more willing to help than those on days - that’s certainly what I found. They just seemed to have the time to spend hours with me trying to help latch.

I'm sorry your not feeling supported. My DS would not latch for a few days. I put him at the breast at every opportunity and used my hand to squeeze/stimulate colostrum/milk release into his mouth.

Eventually he took to it and was then a proper boob monster, point blank refusing anything else including a bottle until 9months.

It's a scary, exhausting time but keep at it.

I was in the exact same position as you and ended up demanding to go home on the 2nd night. They convinced me to stay offering specialist support. I was told to buzz for every feed and that I would get a specific lady come and help me. That did not happen! My baby went 6 hours with no milk before I cried on a midwife I know that wasn’t working. She suggested giving a little formula to give baby an energy boost and me to feel relax and to then try again. I felt so much better knowing he had something in him. I was honest with the head midwife the next day and explained I felt I hadn’t actually got the help I needed. She came round and helped me and baby latched. I was discharged and baby lost over 10% weight and was relying on nipple shields to feed over the next few weeks. Every midwife was just weighing and sending me on my way. I eventually ended up meeting a paediatrician for jaundice and said about feeding issues. She did a quick check for tongue tie and made a referral. I was told if I had attended a breastfeeding group it would have been picked up sooner but my hospital experience put me off. The midwives and hospital staff were amazing during delivery, routine checks and were all lovely but it’s clear they are out of their depth with breastfeeding. I strongly encourage you to attend a breastfeeding support group ASAP as if your baby has tongue tie they can refer you or if there is some other issue they will pick it up

I've been there OP, was in hospital for a week. It was awful.

The midwives want to help but they're so busy, there are targets to maintain babies weight but less so for breastfeeding, and to be honest it can be a fiddly business.

If I had my time again, I'd combo feed with formula to get baby's weight up so I could get out, then get lactation consultant or support from la leche etc once out. Also use kellymom website, it's ace.

Good luck!

Positive stories: I ebf dd after a rough start and a month or so of combo feeding.

If you don't continue with breastfeeding, the chapter in cribsheet by Emily Oster might make you see it differently - breast milk is better for babies but the difference is often exaggerated, don't feel like it's the end of the world if it doesn't work out.

Rereading this today and I'm surprised it makes any sense considering I was typing it through tears, tiredness and with one finger while I tried to write.

Thank you all so much for your amazing comments and messages, I was REALLY struggling and couldn't comprehend how I could possibly do it and feed my baby. Luckily the night shift midwives were amazing, they actually explained what I needed to do and why and DS ended up cluster feeding through the night, I'm sure you all remember that but I'd rather him be feeding than the alternative.

Because of his hungry night it looks like we are heading home today, very delayed due to 'system errors' but either way, I get to take my baby home.

I'm definitely going to take up breastfeeding clinics and classes, this isn't going to be an easy task (not that I ever expected it to be easy) so I'm gonna need the support. I feel like I'll end up topping up with formula or choose to exclusively use formula and that doesn't make me a failure 💪🏻

Thank you again, honestly 💓

I’m glad you appear to be feeling so much better and had great support through the night. I honestly felt broken and have never felt so low when I failed to feed. It took us a few days but we eventually came to the decision to go to formula and try to express when at home. The dayshift staff couldn’t comprehend this and actually discharged us with bf down as feeding method when the feeding specialists on nightshift all advised us to mainly formula feed as they could see baby just refused to bf.

It took me a while to get over the guilt but I know now that I made the next best choice for us both. I get that they have to promote breast is best but please don’t do it to the detriment of someone’s mental health.

Came home late last night after yet another hospital cock up!

Had the community midwife come over and i asked her for as much breast feeding support as possible and within an hour i had a support worker sat on my bed explaining and showing me everything. Me and DS are sat comfortably feeding, probably got a long night of cluster feeding but i'm finally feeling like we know what we need to make this work 💪🏻

Yay! So glad to hear you're home and feeling better OP! Wishing you the best of luck

Congratulations glad you’re home now.

Hospitals can’t tell you you’re ‘not allowed’ to home- you’re choosing to use their service and how long you engage with it is entirely your choice when there are no major health problems. I think more women need to be empowered to know they can simply choose to go home.

I had a similar experience, struggled to feed and really didn't know what I was doing and was quite anxious about it all. Was given lots of different contradictory advice by the different midwives and ended up essentially lying and saying she was feeding well. In the first week or so I relied on expressing and nipple shields... She's six weeks now and feeding well but I wish that post natal experience had been different, it really impacted my confidence in my ability to breastfeed.