2 babies born in one year- post natal depression or something else? 12 month old and 1 week old and struggling a bit

[gemzitab]

Hi there
I've had 2 babies in 2019 one in January and one in December who is a week old now.
I already for years have had a pre existing diagnosis of PTSD and OCD.
A week after just having had my daughter I'm feeling quite anxious overwhelmed and obviously exhausted.

There has been a lot of stress leading up to this pregnancy, but I have bonded well with my newborn daughter, breastfeeding for the first time and being told by health visitors etc that I'm doing so well. Why don't I feel I'm doing well? I don't know if it's change of routine, no routine etc which I find hard as I'm very ritualistic that's may have thrown me, but I'm finding things overwhelming to the point of tears, getting anxious about leaving the house with all the children (I also have a 7 year old)

My other half is very supportive and loving and has been wonderful, but I do find it hard in any circumstances to express how I'm feeling. I'm almost ashamed to admit I'm not coping as well as I'm being praised for.

I don't have any family for any support, in fact my family have caused my partner nothing but misery and sadness by ringing social services on him falsely accusing him of things. I'm he is broken from this and I am trying to be supportive loving understanding and always there for him in any way he might need. But it has put a massive strain on things and we do live in a state of tension as a result of this.

I had a bit of an episode of being exhausted and overwhelmed last night. I was exhausted t the end of the day and both children woke up crying at once and although this doesn't usually throw me I found myself caught in a state of feeling overwhelmed by this and ended up throwing a glass in the kitchen that smashed everywhere. I'm ashamed of this outburst- I'm not usually like this. At the time I felt anxious, overwhelmed and exhausted to tears that I think I just exploded with emotion that I didn't know how to express.

I think I might need some sort of help. What can I do?
I'm trying my best to be just as I was before I gave birth, but the more I do the heavier I bleed, the more drained I become, very little sleep, and anxious and overwhelmed by small insignificant things that people around you may not understand at all and feel ashamed to talk about.

Can anybody else relate in any way whatsoever and what should i do?
My other half goes back to work in 3 days and I'm absolutely terrified I won't be any good at being a mum without his help and support (even though deep inside I know I'll be ok) I'm really anxious and it's causing me to be quite tearful and feel like hiding from the whole world. I don't have any friends or family I can lean on and I don't want to be too needy on my other half- he works so hard he is so supportive and is my rock- he's the only person in the world I've got.

I worry this is going to cause him to want to leave me, and I'm so anxious of this I have even packed my bags myself to leave when really all I probably need is a hug and some reassurance and maybe to try and open up about how I'm feeling.

I just wanted to say it sounds like you're doing amazingly well! My lb is 14 weeks and I still feel overwhelmed with lack of routine etc (he's quite sick with reflux so sleeps terribly).

Sorry posted too soon! It is such early days, it's absolutely natural to feel like this so don't be ashamed of it. You mention trying to do what you did before birth - you'd be a superwoman to do 1/3 of what you were doing before I reckon, so you must be incredible! If you speak to your health visitor or GP they'll help - they should go through a questionnaire about your feelings in a few weeks anyway.

I'm sending you hugs: you can do this! It's a huge adjustment, so try not to commit yourself to too much yet to make your life easier. Remember your new little one just wants to be with you whatever you're doing. If the wee one is crying too much at times, remember if you make sure they're somewhere safe you can leave the room for a few minutes to take a breath for yourself.

I've been terrible about eating in between baby's demands - try to make up sandwiches the night before so you grab one when you need, and have a jug of water/squash or a flask of tea made up to make one-handed life a bit easier?!

Sorry if this isn't helpful but I just wanted you to know you are fantastic, for your kids you are their world and they love you. We're always here if you need, and I know you know it will get a bit more manageable. xxx

Thank you for such encouraging words. I honestly found it too overnelming to the point of tears today to join my own family in the garden.... stood there crying for ages holding my coat to go out there took me ages to finally make it out x

You are doing absolutely great!! Congratulations on your arrival 😊 never be ashamed of an outburst, nobody was harmed and it is such a difficult time hormones are everywhere, you're exhausted it is more than difficult actually.
I understand how hard it is not having support I also lean on my partner a lot for support but you don't need to worry about that that's what they are there for you are a team!
Is there anyway your partner could take over for a couple of hours so you can have a nap?
I suffer with severe depression and anxiety and I was worried i had post- natal depression when my little one was born but the feelings and overwhelming ness was normal.
Personally I would book a doctors appointment and just have a little chat, if it is post natal it's best to get it sorted ASAP before it escalated but it may just be adjusting to everything.
Just remember you are great and you can do this. X

Wow I feel overwhelmed in such an amazing way with what the two mummies above have said and sounded so supportive. I thank you so much
Thank you x

@gemzitab no need to thank me if you ever need support or just a moan we're here that's what this place should be used for x

I think you’re being hard on yourself. It sounds to me as though you’re doing amazingly well!

However - don’t hesitate to speak about your feelings to your midwife/health advisor, they are there to support you and your babies, please don’t think otherwise.

Please speak to your doctor or midwife and tell them about your feelings. It sounds like a terribly stressful and scary time for you, and reminds me of how I felt after my first baby. After my second was born I had a moment like yours when they both started crying at once and I became paralysed as if I was stuck to the ground and just screamed. It was awful.

Bless you, you have been through at lot with two babies worth of hormones in a year - do ask for some help .

I only have one child and am a placid person but have slammed doors, thrown pans just being filled to the top with frustration that it's bubbled over the top (none of this in front of him, always where sleep - or lack of - has been involved!). Don't beat yourself up we all get to this point.
Also having a baby a year after your last your mind and body must be exhausted. It may settle but I would definitely speak to your health visitor openly and honestly given your history. I have a history of depression and felt similarly to how you describe about not wanting to go out and be with your family but put it down to exhaustion then at around three months the anxiety dramatically increased, I spoke to HV and got a small increase in my antidepressants which helped enormously. Looking back now I definately had PND but it's hard to see the wood for the trees. Speak to your HV and even if you just see how it goes whilst your hormones settle for a few weeks, devise a plan together for if you still feel as you are or worse. At least if you have a plan then it offers you some control and reassurance that you know the oath foward and hopefully you have coping strategies developed already that you know work (when your not post birth brainfogged!). Best of luck, you are doing a fantastic job and your family are lucky that you care so much about them that your more concerned that they feel ok than youself - but abit if self care won't take anything away from that xx

Oh, op. I had two DC 13 months apart and completely relate to the feeling of having run out of ability to cope! You're at capacity, think of it like that. When 2 cry at the same time then it's awful; best is to adopt a firefighting strategy where you deal with them in order of urgency (i.e. physical injury, followed by hunger, followed by needing comfort, followed by boredom - or whatever order works best for you)! You can do it. If your 7yo has shown any wish at all to be helpful, use them as a nappy fetcher, toddler entertainer, anything. This is physically the hardest it can be, and every day will make it a little easier. You can get through it

P. S. Take all or any drugs that might help - don't be a hero!

Congratulations on bringing 2 babies into the world within 12 months! Accept everyone's praise - they wouldn't lie to you. You're obviously doing really well!

I had a bigger age gap (19 months) and when they both cried at the same time I prioritised the baby who's physical need was greater. I kept a supply of emergency snacks and drinks that my 19 m/o loves on the kitchen counter, easy to grab and give to him if newborn needed me more urgently than toddler. Also stuck on the tv a bit more frequently in the early days to keep him amused.

I know you said that your OH is going back to work but can you guys pencil in an hour in the evenings for you to have some time for yourself to have a bath and/or a nap to recharge your batteries?

Sorry I don't have better advice! Stay strong, it will get easier

You are doing great believe me. I have 2 kids 14 months apart and it's so overwhelming. I feel like I'm struggling to cope so much lately. My eldest will be 2 on Sat and my son is 9 mo today. The 2yr old is tantruming at life at the min and my 9mo has no interest in solids whatsoever! I feel so stressed out. But I'm taking 1 day at a time. Dont be so hard on yourself, having 2 under 2 is such hard work. Look after yourself!!

I'm sorry you feel this way however it is mostly normal!! I can assure you you ARE doing well even though it doesn't feel it to you. I'm 7 weeks in with my second & only just this week stopped feeling so irrationally angry and anxious . I too find it hard to cope when my toddler kicks off & baby is shrieking. It's a LOT on top of sleep deprivation. I spoke to my health Visitor about my feelings & have a referral to M Health services in my area starting next week. You could try the same. Also keep talking to your partner . Good luck Hun, you will get through it x

I’m not surprised you’re feeling the way you do! I only have one but the first few weeks I was almost out of my mind with anxiety/stress/low mood (I also have pre existing anxiety difficulties). With another two kids (especially the one year old) I’m not surprised you’re struggling. Try to be kind to yourself and adjust your expectations of wat you should be doing. Take it easy, no need to go anywhere or do anything. Try and get your partner to do as much as he can with the bigger kids so you can just focus on your newborn and yourself.
You’re doing amazingly!

Wow everybody is so kind x

I had two babies in 2002 one in jan and the other in nov, it's so hard and I know exactly how you are feeling. Please talk to your doctor or midwife you don't have to suffer alone they can help you.