First Time Mummy

[NewmummytoIsabelleAnne2019]

Hi all,
I'm new to parenting.... my baby is just over 4 weeks old. Did anyone else feel that they would prefer to be the one back at work? My fiance has been back at work for the last fortnight and since being on my own with the baby, I've just felt overwhelmed, emotional and wishing that I could trade places with my fiance. I'm on high alert with my anxieties and everytime my baby cries and I'm unable to soothe her, I cry. Also my baby always seems to be hungry, I'm struggling and feel lost off with what to do Does anyone else feel/have felt like this?? I feel awful for feeling the way I'm feeling.

I have felt like this in the past. Don't feel guilty for it, I do think being the one who stays at home is the harder job, especially in these early days. It will get easier. All you have to do is survive these first few weeks, nothing else. My kids are now 12, nearly 9, and 7 months, and are a huge source of joy for me now and every day. But at your point in the journey I felt miserable and anxious and sleep deprived most of the time. I did also suffer from post natal depression with at least one of my babies and found life much better once I was treated for that. It's worth keeping an eye on and talking to your health visitor or doctor about. But sleep deprivation and hormones and the enormous change in your life are pretty overwhelming anyway at this stage. What support do you have during the day?

Also a tip that worked for me... when they are crying and won't settle and your anxiety is building, sing. It calms you and them.

Gurl I could’ve written this myself! I felt like when I was talking to my partner, family and friends they all just took it with a pinch of salt.
It’s hard work! Babies are little bastards sometimes and it’s ok to say it. Everything seemed to change 3 months in. Things just fall into place and I hope they do for you too.
Get help if you need it, my fiancé was constantly just passing her back if she cried. That’s what babies do. No one ever died from crying. Take some time for yourself to recharge and relax when he gets home from work and let them bond!

Keep at it, I’m sure you’re doing a fantastic job!

I felt like that. A lot of it was expectations I put on myself which I felt I wasnt living up to. I should be able to do this, I should know what baby needs and be able to fix this etc etc. First thing to remember is babies will cry, it is totally normal. It's how they communicate. There are only really a few reasons why a newborn will cry, and they are basic needs. Dirty nappy, hungry, tired, in pain or discomfort, seeking comfort. I found that going through the basic needs each time, ie change nappy, offer feed, cuddle, rock, sing or chat to them, resolved most things. Focusing on those things also helped me keep my anxiety in check.

Second thing to remember is that to your baby, you and she are one and the same person. She will pick up on your distress and respond to it in kind. If you project calm, soothing words, tone and actions, that's what she will pick up on. I had some anxiety issues with my ds, and found that when I got more stressed so did he. If you can take a deep breath and keep tension from rising it might help.

Finally, if your anxiety feels unmanageable then talk to your gp. You don't have to feel that way, they can help.

Also with the constant hunger thing, keep this in mind. Babies are growing and solidifying a whole network of cells in the brain which takes huge amounts of energy. On top of this their bodies are growing faster than at any other point in their lives. All of that needs fuel and they have a stomach the size of a marble to accommodate the food needed to fuel all that growth. I'm starving just thinking about it. It will get better. 4 weeks from now will be easier, and 4 weeks from then easier still. This too shall pass.

My baby is 12 weeks old and my god I felt the same. I've actually had one of those days today where baby has been unsettled and I'm tired and I wish I could go to work for a break. But on the most part that feeling slowly starts to go. The first few weeks are horrible in my opinion. Exhausted, anxious, alone when you're partner is gone, unsure of yourself as a mother. Trust me, few more weeks and you'll feel more settled. It's only natural to feel like that xx

Make a list of things that need to be done in terms of housework and then throw it away, and focus exclusively on baby. Ensure you have access to healthy nutritious snacks and drinks throughout the house for you, have a decent takeaway / delivery option on standby, and if it makes you happier then definitely start going to antenatal groups if possible.

I feel like I could have written your post. I have a 14 week old and I can honestly say weeks 4-12 were that hardest so far. Husband back at work, struggling to even get dressed even through feeding constantly and lots of crying. IT GETS BETTER, trust me. You will find your stride, get a routine of sorts when baby is ready and you’ll be doing things you didn’t dream you could do right now. You are still bonding with your baby remember, you will know their cries mean certain things after a while and if you don’t you will work it out. And if you don’t work it out, tomorrow is a new day. My baby had reflux which was the cause of a lot of his crying. It’s been so tough but it really is the best thing you will do... wait for that first smile it will make you forget all the bad days. I know pretty much nothing can be said to you to make it better, I’ve been there, so I don’t know what to say to make you feel better but just celebrate the small victories xx

Also I found that if possible I would get out of the house. Feeling coupes you is horrible. When DH gets home feed baby if need be then take yourself off to the supermarket for 29 mins just to get some space and feel like a normal member of society again 😂