Do I have PND?

[1stmumma]

I'm not really sure where to start tbh, all I know is that I feel very low a lot more now than I did before I gave birth to my beautiful boy 5 months ago.

This week in particular has been really hard and today was probably my breaking point. I just felt so teary from the moment I got up and found it incredibly difficult to lighten my mood. It was my 6 year anniversary with my BF and I think maybe because it's different this year, that we have a baby and so we couldn't afford gifts or a celebration that in turn I thought he didn't feel the same about me, even though I know it's just the circumstances that we're in. But today was just one of a few down days I've had.

I took a quiz on google which resulted in me having Mild PND.

I am finding it quite difficult to find my patience with the baby. When I'm busy doing something other than tending to him,like washing up for example, and he's moaning away even thought he's been fed and changed, I find it hard to just drop what I'm doing and go see him, I'll say just a minute and if he carries on I find it difficult to not get irritated. I have shouted a couple of times and I'm racked with guilt afterwards :( he's my absolute world and if he was genuinely upset I'm there, before he can blink but when he wines i can't cope, I'd rather he just cried.

Other thing is I'm struggling to find any time or attention for my partner. I love him to bits but my head is just baby, baby, baby and I feel like I don't have time for him. Which as you can imagine has caused a lot of problems. I'm also very bossy when it comes to baby, I won't hear his input or opinions about him but I'm desperate to just be a team. I think doing this has resulted in my partner having very low confidence when it comes to baby.

I'm a happy, positive person but lately my mood is so up and down I can't get to grips with how I feel. If I'm asked if I'm okay, my go to answer is yes when really I should be telling them that I don't know. I am massively relieved that I can control the unwanted intrusive thoughts but I'm so paranoid that that'll change if this carries on. I've never suffered with anxiety or depression before but two of my sisters have.

I hope all of this makes sense to somebody out there, seeing it written down still makes me feel a bit messy in my head, like I cant pin point my issues but I'm trying. What do you think? Regardless I'm going to go to GP. But I really don't want to go on meds. Tia

It could be. Your GP will help I’m sure. If it helps try a sling or baby carrier - having baby close tends to stop the whining and your arms are free to get stuff done

Your not alone OP I have a 7 month old my second and she moans allllllll day some days and I too sometimes get to the point where I have had enough. I have felt really bad some days so did go to the doctor and had some tests done and I found out I have an under active thyroid which can cause low mood so am now on meds for that and I am starting cbt next week because I was fed up of feeling down every day and just stressed all the time.

Go and speak to your doctor having a baby is a lot and it's hard a lot of the time but just telling a professional and knowing you can get help might make you feel better and less muddled.

Just wanted to let you know know its so hard juggling everything and your not on your own some of your post I could of written myself xxx

Hi OP, I’m feeling very similar and it’s gradually getting worse. I know I need to get some help but like you I don’t want to go on meds which is what has so far put me off going to the dr. My friend has sent me some mindfulness tracks but I haven’t been able to put the baby down long enough to focus on these. The things I have found most helpful are exercise and getting out and seeing people so trying to do that as much as possible but it is so tricky. Anyway you are not alone and hope you start feeling better soon xx