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Postnatal health

Have I got pnd ?

3 replies

Ellam86 · 15/10/2019 21:07

New here, Sorry in advance for the rant....
I have a 10 week old boy, I live with my partner who is out from 7am, he does fitness twice to three time’s a week on a night, he’s really become lazy but I don’t know if that’s because I make sure everything is done in the house As it’s easier to just do it myself. He’s really forgetful. For example I lock the door every evening because it’s easier for me to do it instead of asking “have you done this” If I don’t there’s a strong chance it won’t be done and when I have asked things house related he thinks I’m nagging.
If I don’t do something in the house it won’t get done.
We have a dishwasher but I load it and unload it, I do dinner and try to keep up to housework or it won’t get done. Unless he’s in a good mood and we will chip together at the weekend but even then it’s me who is on child duty.
I’ve got a 10 week old who he says he doesn’t feel a bond with and so even on a weekend when he’s back from work I find I’m the one doing all the feeds etc. How can he bond when he’s out all the time..
I tried to get some structure to my week by trying to get to go to fitness classes which is my escape but if I don’t ask my mum or his mum it won’t happen. My mums husband has ms so it’s hard for her to look after my son too, but his mum said she will look after him but I don’t want to keep having to ask. Like today every tues is Pilates which she has offered to look after him for an hour so I didn’t say anything to her to test her but she never asked what was happening, I’m left to ask is it ok for you to have him” I just want to be able to drop him every tue n Friday without seeming to nag.My dad will come at the drop of a hat but I don’t like to keep asking him either. All I want is routine and someone to lift the weight from me occasionally. I’ve been doing this day in day out since an hour out on Thursday and I really feel like a single mum at times. I’m exhausted. He’s gone to bed now but left our son with me to take to bed.
I feel disconnected from the world, I can’t do what I want because I need to arrange childcare but yet my partner can just swan in and out yet he is the one who says he is tired. I’m finding life really hard and even though I love my cheeky little man id love my old life back.
I’m still bleeding too so even intimate times are out.. my partner says to relax, how can I really? Argh.

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yawnhedehihi · 15/10/2019 21:09

You don't have pnd you have a partner problem. Your son has two parents, not one.

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Maltay · 15/10/2019 22:14

I agree with the above poster x it would help him bond with baby and give you a break even if he had him for just an hour while you did something for yourself. You're not being selfish to ask for that. In the early weeks one of the father's main roles is to support the mother. You are there 24/7 for your son, it is not too much to ask!

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Ellam86 · 22/10/2019 10:10

It’s really odd, he says he loves him but any opportunity to avoid having him he will run with it. He will volunteer himself to do tasks with others like my dad in hope my dad will take him whilst he helps. Luckily my dad is savvy to him so manages on his own.
Today we had a half hearted conversation, he said have I chilled on the sofa this morning as I was tired and I said no chance I’ve been battling with our son, he replied with; my son you wanted. I asked if he was happy we had him now and he replied ; no not really.
I felt awful..I feel we’ve made a huge mistake. I love my little dude loads, I just don’t know what to do. I feel trapped. I barely get to do things I want to and barely any time away. If I’m lucky I get two hours off a week. Weekends end up with me looking after him still and it’s very rarely shared. I can t force our son on to my partner... will he grow on him or will he end up despising our son

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