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Original poster

My baby doesn't like me

13 replies

MammaToBe2019 · 07/08/2019 00:30

I recently gave birth to my first baby, he is now a week old and is a miracle baby as i was told i could not have children. His 'father' has walked away and wants nothing to do with him. Now, up until tonight everything has gone ok, i have felt so inlove with him and have loved being his mummy but tonight he wouldn't settle for me and would only settle for my mum. When she gave him back to me he stirred after a few minutes and started getting upset again. He doesn't latch well when i try to breastfeed him either. Suddenly it felt like something clicked in me and i feel a bit distant to him, i feel like he doesn't want/like me. I'm almost 30 years old so not a young mum. My mum even put him to bed for me as I didn't want him to get upset that i was touching him again. I'm sat here in tears now because i dont know what to do. Has anyone else ever felt this way? Is it normal to have moments like this? I did suffer with pre-natal depression but I can't see post-natal depression hitting me so suddenly. Please can anyone give me some advice/reassurance :(

OP posts:
hormonesorDHbeingadick · 07/08/2019 00:42

Your baby loves you but I’m guessing maybe you were a bit stressed or maybe baby could smell your milk. Babies/children always act up for Mum because they know that no matter you will be there for them.

It’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed and question yourself as a parent but as you have had pre- natal depression reach out for support now. There is no thing as too much support and it’s better to get support too soon than too late.

As for the latching, it’s a skill you both need to learn. Ring your community midwife in the morning and say you are struggling with feeding and low mood and need support today or ask your mum to ring. Had your baby been accessed for tongue tie?

BackforGood · 07/08/2019 00:45

Totally agree with the previous poster.
Even Mums who don't get post natal depression suffer "the baby blues" sometime with in the first couple of weeks. All very normal.

TruckstopTrudy · 07/08/2019 00:48

I would say it is totally normal to feel like this sometimes. Combination of hormones on top of everything else unfortunately.

Saying that I wouldn’t rule out PND and if you are still feeling like this tomorrow maybe just talk to your health visitor or GP just to get some support.

It’s so so hard early on and so up and down every day is different.

What worked for me early on to help with the bond was skin on skin whenever I could, lots of eye contact when feeding, singing etc (emergency section meant DH fed LO and held her a lot at first)

I mean this is the first thought you are having like this so just take it one step at a time at the moment. Be kind to yourself you are doing an amazing job

PerspicaciaTick · 07/08/2019 00:53

Congratulations on the birth of your baby Flowers
Your baby isn't old enough to even realise that you are a separate person from him, so he really does NOT hate you.
It is great that your mum is around to help out, but you will learn to settle him too but it will take a bit of time. Your health visitor might also be a good person to talk to, especially if these feelings persist.
For now, don't panic if he cries while you are holding him. When they are so tiny it is literally their only way to communicate hunger, discomfort, tiredness etc. All the crying is, is your baby saying "I need something and this is the only way I know how to get it". You will gradually learn how to meet his needs, but it is a steep learning curve and you both have plenty of time to get used to each other.

Original poster
MammaToBe2019 · 07/08/2019 01:00

Thankyou everyone for your replies. He has been a dream baby so far, waking every 3 hours for a feed, very laid back. The labour and birth was extremely traumatic and he nearly died and it was touch and go for me too. The last week has been an absolute dream but for some reason tonight he just wouldn't settle on me. I have done everything for him so far and do skin to skin daily. I have really doted on him but for some reason tonight it just feels so personal that he really doesn't want me and he prefers to be with my mum 😪 I hate feeling like this and have spent the last hour crying because it truly feels like he doesn't like me!

OP posts:
Fatted · 07/08/2019 01:20

No wonder you feel the way you do OP. You've been through a lot with your baby's father buggering off and a difficult birth. It is totally normal to feel overwhelmed and emotional in the first few weeks after giving birth. Especially under difficult circumstances. I remember after having my second DS I was in tears over my sister putting a picture of him on Facebook. Which was something totally ridiculous that I never would have bothered about usually.

Your baby doesn't differentiate at this point. It is easier for others to settle a baby because they're not as tired or stressed as the parent, so probably more patient etc. If your mum is able to help, take full advantage of that and rest as much as possible. You'll all probably feel so much better for it.

nocoolnamesleft · 07/08/2019 01:29

Like you? What your baby feels for you goes so much beyond anything as shallow as likes as dislikes. You have been so closely mingled that he doesn't know where his heart beat ends and yours begins. He knows the rhythm of your breathing, the cadences of your speech. He knows how you feel, and how you smell. For the last 9 months every iota of his experience has been filtered through you and from you. You are the centre of his existence. You are not a person to him, you are the universe.

And the universe has changed. A week ago he didn't need to know how to breathe, or suck, or swallow, or digest. He didn't know the feelings of a full or empty tummy, the touch of cold air or dry cloth, the glare of light, or the loudness of unmuffled sound. So much has changed.

He wants you, and needs you, as much as he needs the very air he breathes, as primatively as he craves the milk that satisfies his hunger. But things have changed, and he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand how everything about you is the same, but different, and how the world is so strange. He is not rejecting you, any more than he could be rejecting his own breathing. But that fresh new world is a strange and confusing place. And he doesn't know his own place in it.

Chocolatelover45 · 13/08/2019 05:30

My baby does this. I think it's because I smell of milk. So he tries to get fed when he's with me, and sometimes doesn't bother if someone else has him.
Also it's normal for babies to be quiet/settled the first few days, getting fussier /hungrier after that. He will probably start wanting to feed all the time now. Then no one else will do!

Fuiseog · 17/08/2019 09:43

My mam is the best in the whole world. I don't remember ever not adoring her.

But I also know she had an experience like this with me! (I think she made sure I know about it to help my own doubts if it ever happens to me!)
She loved being a mam from the beginning (if you saw her with babies you would be unsurprised) but she always tells me about a day when I had been crying for hours and she just couldn't settle me. It felt never ending and she was desperate. Her own mother came around and sent her to bed, settled me and got loads of housework done! She says she felt like a failure - why couldn't she do all that? and why did I settle for someone else? - but her mam put her straight and assured her that I was overtired and so was she, that I could sense her distress and that we both had just needed a good rest.

Let me reiterate that I absolutely adore my mother. Her mam was right. My relationship with her was not affected in any way badly by her sometimes needing someone else to help!

I think you just need a good rest. Speak kindly to yourself. You have done great so far and sound like a really caring mam or you wouldn't even be worrying about this. Your baby knows you love him.

LittleDoveLove · 26/08/2019 21:48

I had prenatal depression and PND hit me like a steam roller about a week after. I was at the doctors within 2.5 weeks as was an absolute wreck. I was shaking with anxiety and wanted to run away and had absolutely no idea why. Tablets really helped me get back to my normal self. I am on a low dose and am very happy and back to my usual self now. X

Original poster
MammaToBe2019 · 08/10/2019 03:13

Thankyou everyone for your kind words! It seems i was hit with the 10 day blues 🙈 Everything worked out perfect and i have an amazing bond with my son who is now 10 weeks old and healthy and happy ☺️

OP posts:
orangejuicer · 09/10/2019 02:10

Enjoy the cuddles Grin. Glad you are both doing well.

GrumpyHoonMain · 20/10/2019 19:15

To help with breastfeeding don’t allow your mum to hold the baby unless you are in the shower / asleep etc. He needs to get used to being with you (and the smell of your milk) even when he’s not feeding

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