How did you know you had PND?

[Annafannabanana]

I had a baby 7 months ago and I’m just wondering how others knew they had PND? I also have a 3 and half year old but have never felt like this after his birth.

I am having terrible outbursts of rage for no reason, mostly when there is mess. I can’t bear to listen to DD cry. I love her, but don’t like her most of the time. She is much more difficult than what my DS was. I constantly fantasise about running away from DC and all responsibility’s. I have no “get up and go”, every day is a struggle to do housework, take DC out etc. I did bond with DD when she was born but as time has gone on I am really struggling to enjoy her and life in general. I have even had thoughts of “I hope I don’t wake up tomorrow morning.”
My DH works full time but this is also putting a huge strain on my marriage. Because I am constantly low and irritable.
Please tell me it gets easier. Please tell me it gets better. Please tell me I will enjoy life and my DC again. I am really struggling and the guilt is unbearable to live with.

Hi OP

It will get better but you need to go to the doctor I think and tell them what you have written and get some help. What you are feeling is so common but you sound like you need some help to enjoy things again

Sorry you are feeling so low. I felt very similar to you, my DS is almost 11 months. I also had days where I would feel numb and emotionless, or would just burst into tears for no reason/small things and just feel so incredibly low and I just couldn’t get out of it for days at a time.

I saw my GP after it became unmanageable and I started sertraline about 1.5 months ago and it has honestly made the most incredible difference to my mental health and my life. I laugh and joke and feel “normal”, I have patience and can be rational. I have my “get up and go” back, I take better care of myself and the house, I haven’t argued with my partner for weeks. Without it I don’t know where I would be, I encourage you to speak to your GP too about how you feel. I wish I spoke to them sooner so I didn’t spend months and months feeling terrible.

I knew I had and when I was spending nearly all day in tears, I was fantasizing about life without a baby & thinking about what would happen if I just disappeared. I had an awful experience in hospital, terrible labour ending in emcs, nearly dying through a massive haemorrhage & Hellp syndrome. I had nightmares & flashbacks for years, still do around the time of ds birthday. I was diagnosed with PTSD a couple of years later. You know yourself if things arent right, don't just soldier on, go & speak to your GP & midwife.

I didn't sleep for 5 days because I was so anxious.

Make an appt with the GP or have a chat with your HV OP . It does get better

I felt similar. I didn’t want to be alive, DS kept me alive as he needed me. The first 3/4 month of his life I don’t really remember.
See you’re GP lovely, life doesn’t have to be this hard with some support xx

I didn’t really know until it was pointed out to me.

My DH commented on my general lack of care for myself, and asked if I was ok. I just broke down. I had been having headaches constantly, struggled to breathe, and was going between over eating and then starving myself.
My mom was then diagnosed with breast cancer and I felt so overwhelmed I couldn’t even consider getting out of bed in the morning.
I went to see GP and I wasn’t in there 5mins before he said it’s fine to have help when you can’t cope. I was crying again but it was such a relief. I suddenly saw everything so clearly and realised I hadn’t been myself and I was going to need some extra help to get on top of things again.
I was prescribed citalopram and started running. My life was turned around.

I couldn't sleep.
I didn't enjoy life.
I regretted having my babies.

Better in days on treatment.

Mine started with anxiety and then crying daily.
Finding it hard to cope when baby was crying.
Constantly anxious about how well he will sleep overnight even though I know he sleeps quite well.
Feelings of dread in the mornings, not wanting to wake up but knowing I have to. Dreading the routine of it all and wishing people would have been honest about how hard it really was.
I was Scared for the future and wondering if i could cope with it.
Definitely go to your gp!

I had extreme anxiety and panic attack's. Mine came very early basically baby blues didn't go they just got worse. I felt like a little marble rattling in a massive can all day and every time my son cried I would shake. I also dreamed of running away. I have been on sertraline now for about 11 weeks and it has made such a difference, I am a completely different person. It will get better, speak to your doctor they will help x

These comments make my heart hurt. Isn’t it so warming to know you aren’t alone? I had postnatal depression with my son who is now two, it came on instantly from birth after a very traumatic labour. The minute he was born I didn’t feel right. I had no emotion towards him or anyone or myself for that matter. I ate a lot and didn’t lose any of the weight I’d put on throughout pregnancy for months. I couldn’t sleep when he was sleeping. It started off as anxiety which then led into full blown depression, which is apparently common. The final push was the intrusive thoughts that literally came and took over my entire head. I won’t go into detail but they were nothing I had ever experienced before, I ended up having a big panic attack when my son was four months old and went straight to my gp. She then fast tracked me for cbt, which I believe saved my life. I never went on medication but would’ve taken it if it was offered. The fog shifted as he approached nine months old, as mentioned before I didn’t feel much towards him, one evening when he had just started crawling I felt this urge to look through videos of him with my husband. Whilst doing so I felt a huge wave run through my body. I sobbed and sobbed and kept saying I love him over and over again. It was the best moment of my life. I promise you it gets easier. You become more confident. You adjust to this MASSIVE change. X

11 months in. It started at the 3 month mark, or at least, that's when I knew I wasn't right. Felt like I was having an out-of-body experience at a local Xmas light switch on. There were so many people there, happy smiling faces, chattering....and I felt like I was trapped in a little bubble of my own, I couldn't relate to these carefree people, I was clenched and tight and anxious and just wanted to leave.

Saw the GP after having all the symptoms and feeling ga you've described. I'm on sertraline and seeing a private counsellor. But sadly, it doesn't seem to be getting any better. And now the GP wants me to see a psychiatrist.

I feel like I've made a massive mistake in having a baby. I'm clearly not suitable for it.

Sob crying without being able to stop. Pure rage. Feelings of being in a deep black hole with no way out. Wishing I could go to sleep and never wake up. No feelings for the children. It's better now, but wish I had seen a GP, not tried to deal with everything myself.

Never ending feelings on dread. I had a very, very high needs baby, and had no support so, that didn't help either.

Like a PP, I didn't. I was extremely good at covering it up from everyone, including the HV, my GP and my husband -- and myself.