This is really pathetic, but I just feel like I'm falling to pieces and I am really worried that I am not coping and that my MH is going to get worse and worse.
DD (our first) is 6 and a half weeks. She arrived early (34 weeks), but is doing brilliantly. I have been loving being a mum and, having a few close friends who have also had their first DC over the last year, I've been able to benefit from all their advice. So, despite the early arrival and it all being a bit stressful in the first instance, everything was going really well.
... until 3 weeks ago, when I started feeling really unwell. This wasn't totally unexpected, since I was waiting for a rheumatology appt to investigate some blood tests, but to cut a long story short, I ended up in hospital with kidney inflammation, which was later diagnosed as being caused by Lupus.
I think I'm just struggling with becoming a mum / feeling not great / being diagnosed with a "lifelong" condition (even though it's fortunately a very manageable one, from what I understand). I should feel grateful that I have a healthy daughter and amazing support from family and friends, but I just feel guilty and when I'm by myself, I constantly feel tearful and overwhelmed. I feel like I can't let anyone know how "wobbly" I feel and yesterday ended up having a bit of a meltdown when I saw the nurse with DD (all a bit overdramatic, lots of crying and "just can't cope" etc.!).
I just feel ... overwhelmed, I guess. And I'm afraid that my MH is going to get worse and that it's going to start impacting on everything and everyone else.