Please help- do I have PND

[hopelessandscared]

I'm really struggling at the moment. My life has become such a mess. Me and my partner split up on New Year's Day and I'm living with my family and my 8 month old.
I've never had the huge rush of love for my son that people describe. I think I love him but it's not an overwhelming feeling. I am incredibly protective of him though which is causing a great deal of anxiety for me.
I have suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember but it's just been so ramped up since I had my son.
I also have emetophobia and my son has been ill with a tummy bug on and off for the past week. I panic every time he cries. I feel so awful for being so scared, I know he's probably picking up on it and I hate myself for making this worse for him.
I've also just felt so emotionless (apart from the anxiety and sometimes anger (at my time ex, not baby).
I'm so scared that if I tell my health visitor or a doctor then if my ex tries to get custody (which he has threatened) then he will win.
Honestly, at the moment I feel like running away from everything but I can't because I know my baby would end up with my ex and he's not a good person.
I'm also breastfeeding and want to continue for as long as my son wants me to and so I'm worried that the only thing that would help is medication and that I'd have to stop breastfeeding. Please help

I'm not trained t all but it does sound like you may need sone additional support hopeless.

I would go to the GP on Monday. Is there someone who can have your DS for you while you are there?

Your GP may prescribe ADs and if they do, make sure your GP prescribes ones that are compatible with BFing. They will probably offer you CBT too, which works for a lot of Mums.

Don't worry about your baby being taken from you by your ex. So many women have Post Natal Illness, the Courts would be overwhelmed if they all had their babies taken.

The absolute best thing you can do for you and your baby is to seek help from the GP

The best advice I could give is don't leave it too long buried. It's hard to start the process but even making steps will make you feel so much better. Remember none of this is your fault.
When I had my 1st daughter I was at the end of a very messy relationship. As soon as I managed to clear all that mess up I felt fine. Anxiety is telling you that you don't feel the right way . Deep down you probably do. You won't remember the good things while you are feeling low. Book a gp appt there is definitely no shame in seeking help . Good luck xxx

You could also call PANDAS ‭0843 289 8401‬ if you want a listening ear, they are a helpline for parents ran by volunteers. I forget what the acronym stands for.