Could this be postnatal depression?

[Mummylou83]

Hi all,
I was hoping someone could give me some advice about PND. I’ve just met with my friend who says she thinks I’m suffering from PND but I’m unsure that’s what it is. My daughter is 7 months old. I love her dearly, have no issues with relationship or bonding, as far as I’m concerned it’s one of this only things I do well in the main so I didn’t think I could have PND as I thought this was to do with trouble bonding with baby a lot of the time.
Recently I’ve felt very down. We’ve moved house when DD was 3 months old, it’s a bit away from my family but not far but before I was able to pop over to see family easily, it’s not so easy now as it’s a 40 min drive and with a baby this sometimes interrupts routine so I still see them often but just not as easy as my family pop round every day as my mum doesn’t keep well either. DP works away and is away for 4/6 weeks at any one time and then back for about 3/4 weeks. I’ve started feeling very lonely, insecure, jealous. I absolutely hate my post baby body as this is my second child and most days I cry getting dressed and don’t want to see anyone. My relationship with DP is fine although with me constantly feeling so down I am finding myself a burden and I can’t shake it off. I also have a DS from previous relationship so when DP is away I’m doing everything on my own including drop off and pick up for school which takes an hour every morning and afternoon with the baby. I feel so alone at times, I feel I’m just here to look after the kids and I feel terrible guilt whenever I think I need a break. I’ve had terrible anxiety which was always an issue but feels worse maybe from broken sleep etc. I’m worrying about all our relationships and stretching myself far enough to make sure everyone is getting everything they need. I’m worrying about money and work along with a million other things. My relationship is suffering because I just can’t be bothered putting a face on a lot of the time and although my partner tries I am finding myself resenting him maybe because his life hasn’t changed as much as mine. I feel I’ve lost myself and I’m just a mum now and I hate saying that cause I feel so guilty! Tiny tasks overwhelm me. My partner tries but I just can’t shake the feeling down although I’m happy with the children at times I just find myself crying and I can’t pin point why, I’m just feeling overwhelmed and down. I can’t explain it well so thank you to anyone who reads this. As I said I don’t think it’s postnatal so maybe I’m just feeling a bit rubbish and need to give myself a shake

I don't think it's PND myself but you could do with an expert opinion. As you say you've bonded with the baby fine etc . I think you just need some help at ghis time - like people get a doula- I know that's expensive- but it is so difficult keeping on top of everything. I just think you need some help. Hope an expert can answer you but I just wanted you to know you know there's nothing wrong with needing all the help you can get x

Thank you, I don’t think so either, I’m coping fine with both children and more than full of love and bonding but it’s the way I feel in myself, I’m so insecure, I’m hardly sleeping n when I do I’m having bad dreams, I’m so anxious, I had a panic attack a few weeks ago and I’m pushing my DP away and I don’t know why. I just can’t get out this mood.

I do think it's PND. I feel the same as you OP. My LO is 4 weeks and I have a toddler as well. I can't sleep even when I get the chance and worry about everything- thoughts will not stop in my head.
I'm going to seek help as I just don't feel right. Maybe you should try too

Pnd doesn't always mean that you don't bond with your baby. My ds2 was 1.5 when I found I had pnd. I'd gone all that time not seeing what was what. I had had it before realising, life would have been better to have known what was going on from the start. See your doctor to see what they say.

PonyPals do it, if you have any doubts about how you're coping then see your doc, unfortunately sometimes you have to be persistent.

I was just worried they would then think I am failing as a mother and I’d have non stop visits picking on everything I’m doing or think I’m not able to cope on my own but I feel I can. My kids are my happy place. It’s where I’m most content. I hadn’t realised you could suffer from it but it didn’t have to include problems bonding with your baby. My friend said this but everything I’ve seen talks about the bond and troubles coping. My head is like fireworks that’s only way I can describe it, I don’t even listen to the thoughts properly as they are practically on top of one another, constant thinking and worrying about what I need to do. I’m not looking forward to today. DP had a night out, he’s never normally out but I couldn’t sleep till he got home even though I only get a couple scattered hours here and there anyway, he came home with friends and sat up till all hours so I haven’t slept at all and to be honest I am so angry probably due to the fact I already feel so bad, I don’t want to argue with him but right now I’m honestly thinking I’m better just leaving. Going out is a single case and I know he’s entitled to a night out so I don’t mean from that necessarily, it’s just tipped me over an edge I was hanging over. I feel so alone. Thank you for your replies, I’ll consider going to see GP but im a bit worried what they would do

GPs are there to help. They will not judge you or try to interfere. It actually sounds like anxiety rather than pnd (have you had help with your anxiety before?). A doctor should be able to offer advice on who to contact to help with coping strategies.

I thought that myself, maybe more anxiety than depression. No I haven’t had help for it but I’ve considered it many times but have had the same fears about going to a gp. Thank you for your advice

I have PND and I am having a lot of the feelings you are. I kept brushing it off as having a bad day, being tired etc but I couldn’t shake it off. I didn’t feel comfortable talking to my health visitor but my GP was lovely.

@Nichola2310 I have an appt booked for next week. Can I ask what your gp suggested? I’m not sure if it’s general anxiety or PND

@Mummylou83 she prescribed antidepressants and asked if I wanted to speak to someone about it. My preference was to try the medication first.

She also told me to try and make sure I get out of the house each day, eat well, try and get the odd break away from the baby, go for walks with the baby to get fresh air etc.

@Nichola2310 thank you, I was scared of judgement and probably trying to get u to speak to lots and lots of people before prescribing something but I’m not sure if I want to take anything either? But if it helps it would be worth it, I’m just a bit apprehensive it makes me feel worse in long run 😔! I’ve been having quite sudden drops in moods, I’ve started wondering what is actually wrong with me

Hi Mummylou,

Your symptoms seem to be very similar to mine. How did you get on at the doctors?

I too have been apprehensive to talk to the HV - she actually mentioned the other week that she could hear anxiety in my voice and asked me if I was ok but I don't want to talk to them.

My GP recommended CBT and I haven't even managed to book a phone interview yet because of DC. My partner works long hours so I feel like I get no time to breathe and lately I've been feeling low.

@vinoblanco1 it was a new GP I seen so tbh I didn’t feel great opening up but I did go and say how I had been feeling but not as much as I should have. As I had DC 9 months ago and there’s no issues bonding I don’t think she felt it was PND but general anxiety/depression. She suggested talking therapies that are self referral but like you I do not have the time. I have 2 DC and DP works long hours and is away for months at a time working. She offered either anti depressants or a beta blocker type tablet (don’t have the name on me at the moment) which is used to help with the physical side of anxiety. She suggested I take that first instead of anti depressants as I’d be signing up for 6 months to a year as it takes a while to take effect. I agreed I’d try them but I’m not sure how it’ll help if it doesn’t lift my mood.

I completely understand as I am in the same position and only thing that stopped me was fear they’d think I wasn’t capable to look after my children. I still wonder if I’ve done the right thing but if it helps it’ll be for the best. Please don’t suffer in silence, you need help to feel better and I don’t like to think of anyone feeling the way I have felt recently.

I very much DO think it sounds like PND, being a fellow sufferer.

Mine didn't kick in until the 3 month point so I thought I had escaped it (have had depression off and on for years)

I have/had no trouble loving and bonding with my baby either. It's the other stuff, similar to what you mention (in tears all day for no reason, can't face seeing people, can't be bothered with anything etc)

See a GP ASAP. No harm in that. I am on medication and have chosen to see a counsellor privately, having done CBT in the past with no real improvement. I feel better in general but still have ups and downs.

Hugs. And you sound like you are doing a brilliant job, considering your DH is away so much. I couldn't have managed that. Well done you

I was diagnosed with PND when DD was 2 years old, but I got help and I got better. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It will get better, I promise you.