Think I may have PND but don't feel like I deserve to be sad

[bunintheoven88]

Hello everyone,

I'm looking for some advice regarding my mental health.

My daughter is 6 weeks old, and we are living with my partners parents for the next couple of months whilst our new house is being rewired/being made safe for a baby. My partners mum is lovely and does so much for us, including washing all of the baby's clothes and they aren't charging us any rent. We are very lucky that we are in this position and by all accounts I should be feeling very positive and happy but a lot of the time I feel very down in the dumps.

I don't feel like I can talk to anybody about it because I find it hard to verbalise how I feel a lot of the time. Sometimes even during a normal conversation I will forget what I was about to say (not sure wether this is linked to baby brain) and it makes me feel anxious and stupid.

I don't really want to tell my partner how I am feeling as I don't want to worry him, he is having a stressful time at work at the moment. I feel like I shouldn't be struggling or deserve to feel sad as I am getting so much help.

I also don't want any sympathy as I know i will feel guilty for feeling the way I do.

I know it's totally irrational for me to feel this way, and if I tell people they will say they understand and it's normal, but they don't actually think it is.

Also I don't feel sad 100% of the time, sometimes I feel really happy, or I feel better after a sneaky cry and then i push how I feel to the back of my mind until the next time it surfaces.

I hope that all makes sense.

Any advice on wether this sounds like PND would be greatly appreciated, feel free to tell me I am over reacting and will be fine in a couple of weeks when the hormones die down!

It could well be. Why don’t you tell us what exactly is getting you down? Is it the overwhelming-ness of parenthood or something else? Sleep deprivation can also make you anxious and forgetful. Could you try to articulate what exactly you are struggling with?

Thankyou for replying @PotolBabu

I think it is a multitude of things. I am worried about money and going back to work which are big issues but then I worry as much about silly things like not posting any thank you cards yet which I know is ridiculous but I can't seem to rationalise that nobody will expect a Thankyou card yet.

I sometimes do feel a bit hemmed in living here, i feel bad that my partners mum does all of the baby's washing, and cooking, I offer to do things but she won't let me.

I do feel overwhelmed by parent hood but in a good way, I could stare at my daughter for hours and I love the family time we have together of a weekend. My partner is brilliant too, he does all of the night feeds and changes of a weekend when he isn't working.

See reading that above makes me think I need to get a grip!

OK so for context I am Asian. My MIL came over after birth. She’s a lovely lady. She cooked and cleaned and washed and held the baby when I wanted a nap. And I still felt v anxious. There is something about not having your own space.
I think also the finances did throw me a bit. And the semi boredom of maternity leave. There is a lot to do and you end up not wanting to do the bits and bobs (like thank you cards) and then feel guilty about it. My gut instinct is that this doesn’t sound like PND but I am not a professional. It sounds more like general anxiety but the line between these are all very thin. And if it’s affecting your life you don’t need a label, do you?

@PotolBabu Yes that's exactly how I feel about the lack of space thing, it's almost stifling sometimes although I am very appreciative.

If the anxiety carries on I will have to tell my partner as he is very astute and it's been difficult to keep this from him so far.

Hearing somebody else has felt the same way makes me feel better, i wish I could articulate as well as you do!

Anxiety is normal! Your hormones are all over the place and you have experienced a big change!
It takes a good few weeks, if not months to settle down into your new normal.
Talk to your partner as that’s what they are there for! Discuss how you feel and any positive steps you can make to make sure you feel as best you can!