Feel like im losing the plot

[Sleepymum98]

Im a new mum with an 11 week old DS who is an absolute terrible sleeper at night, and i feel like im losing the plot with sleep deprivation! usually he goes to sleep around 7-8pm and will wake for a feed between 10-11, sometimes he’s good and will sleep till midnight for this feed, he then usually has another feed around 3 ish but after this he will want a feed every hour or less until 7 am when he’s then awake for the day. I have tried to make him have a full bottle when he wakes during the night but he just simply refuses but will constantly wake to feed more. What I’m actually struggling with is the support from my partner and my family, my partner works 4 days a week 12 hrs shifts, so he has 3 days off per week, they arent always consecutive but still he gets 3 days off per week, we actually met at work so i know exactly what the day entails and let me tell you it is know where near as hard as taking care of our baby! Since he has gone back to work he decided to sleep in the spare room as he says he cant deal with getting no sleep, I completely understand this when he has got to go to work the next day for around 12 hrs, however even on his days off there is no way he helps through the night, a few weeks ago he recognised i was struggling with lack of sleep and he offered to start getting up with DS on a morning on his days off to let me get more sleep, only thing is this only really happens around once a week because my partner just happens to ‘sleep’ through DS waking up, and better still im only giving around an hour and a half at most as my partner says he cant settle the baby for his morning nap! Usually he then takes himself back upstairs and has to sleep for a couple hours because he is ‘too tired’! Im absolutely sick, i dont feel like i get to enjoy my LO anymore, ive noticed i now just start screaming at my baby like a crazy woman and i just feel awful for it, its not his fault, im just exhausted, i dont feel like ever leaving the house and i feel constantly down now, and partner has cheek to say he hates me feeling like this and feels helpless! This morning id had enough and said to him he’s going to have to start doing 1 night per week and let me sleep in the spare room (because if i was in the same room he would just end up handing him over to me anyway) and he wasnt very happy about it, but we are constantly arguing now and drifting so far apart, why cant he iust realise if i wasnt so tired we wouldnt be like this, but he always says i can deal with the tiredness more than he can! As for support from my family, I purposely moved back to my hometown because my mum went on about wanting to be close to the baby and being involved, but I never see her! She lives 5 minutes away, its the middle of winter and i dont see why i should have to take the baby out in the cold when she can easily come over, i feel so lonely and down i dont know what to do anymore
P.S. sorry for the long rant but i needed to get this all of my chest

Hi I just wanted to say you are not alone.
I so could have wrote this a few weeks ago.
My baby is 14 weeks old and I was feeling sleep deprived, I wasn't functioning properly and emotionally up & down and not feeling like me.
I have moved into a new house away from family & friends and don't know anyone in the area.
I was feeling lonely and isolated with the lack of support.
I was expressing to my partner how I felt and in floods of tears with exhaustion yet he just didn't get me. With lack of sleep and support, it led to resentment, picking at stupid things instead of addressing what the problem was.
Our arguments would get pretty heated, to him threatening to move out (not helpful) until I told him f*King go then as I was so fed up with how our relationship. He stopped being so dramatic and stopped with the threats!
I'd walk around the house muttering to myself how much I hated him!!!
Like you we were drifting because of the resentment.

Finally we sat down and talked, addressing how we can make things better as we were both suffering and wanted things to change. I caught up on sleep with afternoon naps at the weekends while he had the baby and a lay in once a week.
We also set aside some time together in the evening whether it's watch a box set together or choosing decor we both want for our new house.. Gives a sense of union rather than division!
I still get 4 hrs give or take, I wake up tired every morning eat lots of sugar and drink lots of coffee and repeat.
But it does take its toll on you and it sucks.

My advise is speak to your health visitor they are good listeners and ask them about getting your baby on a hungrier milk maybe regular milk isn't working for him. He might sleep longer if he's more satisfied.
I found my best medicine was a day out with my bestfriend. We hit the pub on a Saturday afternoon, a good vent over a pint is the best therapy.. Even my doctor said it was recommended as a regular thing when I went for my 6 week check!
A bit of adult company, being "you" and getting out of the house is atleast a break.
It's also nice to hear about someone else's life.. Great distraction.
If your mum is round the corner get her in and have a pub lunch with your partner. Maybe both of you need that break.

Paloma Faith's new album is about her relationship after a baby and when I saw her on tv saying how hard she found things after the baby and how she hated her husband, I realised we are not alone. Best penny drop ever.. when you realise everyone goes through it and come out the other end. It can only get better.

I hope things get better for you x