Sleep terrors

[FirstTimeBumps]

I have a beautiful 10 day old who, following a terrible first three nights waiting for my milk to come in, has been fantastic. Settles at latest by 2/3am but then predictably wakes at 7 and 10. I know it could be better with earlier settling but the predictability of his wakes is a comfort and it's something to work from. Anyway the issue isn't his sleep, it's mine. I frequently, talking 3/4 times some nights, wake my partner because in my still asleep state, am convinced one of us has fallen asleep with the baby in bed. The terror of the situation and the fact I can't find the baby sends me into a panic which slowly wakes me although it's usually a few minutes before my senses tell me to go check the crib. I then end up in tears because of the whole situation and the fact my poor partner is having to deal with my crazy when the only worry should be newborn crazy. Ontop of this I feel the constant need to check on him, check he's breathing, and I'm terrified he's going to somehow roll over and suffocate. I keep trying to rationalize with myself that millions of people who aren't fit to be parents, drug addicts etc manage to get babies through their first year of life without catastrophic consequences but it seems even subconsciously I'm paranoid and scared which is what's waking me up. I know worrying is normal, but I feel this is excessive. I'm booked to see the doctor on Thursday and will mention it then but has anyone been in a similar situation and able to offer any insight into when I'll start becoming more comfortable with the idea that my baby is safe

It gets better! With my first I remember thinking what a terrible world it is!!! This did pass! anxiety is a normal part of becoming a parent. It’s a really good sign you have booked to see your doctor! Everyone does worry and rationalising these fears is the best thing you can do.

Yep, had this for months unfortunately. It's sleep deprivation. I would wake absolutely soaked in sweat, I found that when we were on holiday in Florida it was the worst - DD was 4 months old by that point - we were so shattered from the days that even though DD only wakes once at night I still had the nightmares. I would wake and search the bed for her.

She's 6 months now and it hasn't completely disappeared but it's much better now she's in her own room.

Doctor prescribed day time naps in an attempt to overcome the tiredness which was causing me to sleep walk/talk. Said wouldn't do anything further at this stage but CBT is a possibility in future (although I'm not sure how this would help when I'm doing it in my sleep). We've had two nights where it hasn't been too much of an issue, baby was on my partner's side of the bed and we've swapped now so that I can instantly see that he's in his crib when I wake up/half wake up. I've had a panic when waking up from a nap when my partner has had him downstairs though. Will just have to see how it plays out, but thank you both for your replies, it's at least something to know I'm not absolutely losing it x

Did you have a traumatic birth OP? I had this after traumatic birth and health scares immediately after birth. It wore off around 3-4 months. DD now 9 y.o. but your post brought that back to me.

@Arcadia planned home water birth but ended in EMCS after 30 hours with waters broken, merconium then discovery that he was actually breech. I handled it apparently unbelievably well though (my OH was apparently losing it whilst I was laughing and joking with the anesthetist that it felt like someone was giving me a deep tissue massage in my stomach). Although I have requested a birth reflections/debrief from hospital as I feel like I should possibly be angry or upset and at the mo it just feels like I'm telling someone else's story when I say what happened x

I definitely think it is a shock/trauma reaction. I had exactly the same. Just look after yourself (I know easier said than done with a newborn!). Your GP might be able to prescribe something mild that's okay with feeding (if you are BF).

At 6 weeks you should start to feel a lot better and at about 10/12 weeks they suddenly start to seem a bit sturdier and more substantial, I know that probably seems far off at the moment though!

Yes, both myself and my husband did this; partly anxiety and partly sleep deprivation (and I didn't even have a traumatic birth) ..
It improves gradually.

It's just a sign that you're a conscientious parent (and an exhausted parent). It will get better.

(I used to tell myself where the baby was is 'shes in her crib. with the side zipped up' or 'shes in the next room with her dad' very clearly before falling asleep in an attempt to get it clearly imprinted in my mind for when I woke up.
The checking breathing thing, I still do it occasionally lol but it gets better and you relax over time too.

Thank you all for your replies. He went from a predictable waking up every three hours schedule to not settling through the night. It got worse before it got better but we're now on a predictable settle at midnight, wake at 3.30 & 6.30 (at which point we're usually up then as he won't resettle but we got another three hours this morning yay and if not I have a two hour nap on the couch prior to going to bed and my OH will get up at 6.30 on alternating days so I can catch up). It's improving again now and I think I'm getting to the if I've kept him safe so far then we're good stage. I used to dread the nights because they were so long and so upsetting but I'm slowly starting to look forward to sleep again. I've started working through the breech stress, found out he was actually breech at a private 28 week scan we had and they didn't tell us so I've currently got a target for my upset/anger and have been in contact with the scan company with the managing director initiating an investigation although our correspondence is ongoing. I believe a decent(ISH) night's sleep and actually having some structure to the day is helping things. Thank you all again x