Baby blues or PND?

[jacksmamx]

My son will be 4 weeks old on Friday and I've found parenthood to be a bit of a misery.

Don't know if it's just cos I'm grumpy cos I'm soo tired or if there's something really wrong but I'm just not the same person I used to be. I dread when baby is going to wake up because I have to BF. Im so bitchy to my OH when he is trying his hardest to be nice to me he just really irritates me and gets on my nerves. I'm miserable. I feel like I've lost myself and I'm just here to do the same thing day in day out.

Don't get me wrong I love my son and my family I'm just having a really hard time coping with everything. Is this normal or do I need to seek proper help :( I just want to be happy and enjoy my family.

Have a word with your midwife or health visitor. The early weeks are a total shock physically, mentally & emotionally xx

How did you get on today? Do you have any family or friends nearby who could help or keep you company? The shift to being a first time mum can feel massive and that you've surrendered your life to this baby but it does get better. Resentment towards your OH can build if you see them going out to work each day while you feel stuck at home. It definitely helps to talk about it though.

I’m really sorry you’re feeling so rotten right now. It must be so disappointing - and maybe lonely- to find that you are not loving your time at home with your new baby so far in the way you imagined you would. You are not alone in this.

The things you’re describing- feeling sometimes that motherhood is mundane drudgery (even if you love your baby madly) and not enjoying breastfeeding - are incredibly normal and common. The only thing that makes you feel alone in these feelings is the propaganda in our culture that motherhood is all rainbows and butterflies and blissful days on the couch with a cherub, and that if you don’t find it completely, utterly fulfilling then you’re abnormal or a bad mother or less of a woman. It’s a myth.

I really recommend this book www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00Q8SR5ME/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21. It includes women’s experiences - honest experiences - about how they found early motherhood the first time around. This is also excellent: www.amazon.co.uk/Secret-Life-Mothers-Chronicles-sweat/dp/0955458196?tag=mumsnetforum-21. I hope it will make you feel less alone.

The other thing to say is: are you taking care of yourself? Like, are you really nurturing yourself, finding some protected time for you (if this is possible)? It’s so important that you nurture yourself and not just your baby.

This will get better. It’s incredibly common to feel as though you’ve lost your identity and life, but the first weeks are the most shocking and consuming and your baby will never be this dependent on you again. Things will change. In a few months your baby will start smiling back at you, and then laughing and it will become more rewarding. Each phase brings something different and lots of women really don’t love the newborn phase as much as they do later phases.

Please try to communicate with your partner. He might not understand at all and he could be at a loss as to how to help. Could you show him this thread as a first step? Please also think about reaching out and connecting to other mothers, the warm and open type of mother, not the show offy, pretend mothers.

And if in a few weeks you are still feeling miserable, make an appointment with your GP. Don’t delay, prevention is better than cure and if you talk through your feelings now and get the support you need you’ll be absolutely fine.

Again I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I wish you the best of luck. Be kind to yourself