Feel like I'm going to go insane

[jacksmamx]

My son is 3 weeks old on Friday and I can't say I've enjoyed parenthood so far. I'm constantly worried if he is okay. When he is asleep I'm constantly checking he's breathing but when he's awake and crying I just wish he'd go to sleep.

I don't know what is going on with me I was so so excited to have my baby boy and now he is here I feel I'm crippled with constant anxiety and stress and I don't know how to deal with it. Is this normal??? I feel like it's going to send me insane...

While adjusting to a new baby is just plain stressful its also possible you are currently dealing with a nasty case of the baby blues - or indeed its ugly cousin postnatal depression.

Please make sure you are talking lots about how you are feeling to those closest to you or your gp if you want to.

The good news is that yes the initial stress does pass, to be replaced by new and different ones but it all passes and you will get through this phase.

Take care of yourselve and congratulations!

O, sorry this isn't normal. See a doctor for some meds.
I felt like you both times and was depressed and had some trauma responses too.

How you are feeling is quite normal, jaxmamx. Having a newborn is lovely but also stressful, you worry and want to make sure everything is alright. At the same time you need to sleep. Most of us have been there.

All I can say is it does get better and you will eventually relax and be more confident. I hope your husband/partner is supportive, he can do his share.

Congratulations btw.

How you're feeling IS completely normal, really don't agree with above comment that you should get some meds three weeks postpartum. You have just gone through one of the biggest, if not the biggest change of your life. Of course you're not going to feel like yourself. Allow some time to recover from the birth etc, adjusting to the new baby and sleeping patterns. Unfortunately for me it did turn out to be PND, but I sought help at six weeks and was given CBT pretty quickly which worked miracles, along with practicing meditation and sleeping as much as I could (no sleep is the enemy!). I promise you things will get better, your baby & you as a new mother are still so young, please be kind to yourself. I wasn't. X

Just to add I am not anti medication at all, just that you should at least wait until baby is six weeks old to see if some of your feelings subside. Also please do talk on here or to a trusted loved one as much as possible, those horrible anxious/depressing thoughts are much better out than in & I always found once I voiced them, they weren't as bad compared to as when they were in my head. X

Yes I agree with @charlieislovely I’m currently 8 weeks pp and feel much better than I did 5 weeks ago. I had the exact same feelings as you in weeks 2-3 and I panicked it would turn into PND as I’ve suffered with depression in the past before but I spoke to the midwives and HV and they said it is almost certainly the baby blues and that it would pass and if it didn’t by the time I got to 6 weeks to speak to my GP. I’m happy to report that we are 8 weeks from tomorow and I feel so much more back to myself, I still have my moments but nothing like I felt weeks ago when was panicking and worrying etc. I wud say give it a few more weeks before going to ur gp if u still feel bad by then, in the meantime tho keep lots of support around u and talk to the midwives and HV about ur feelings, u are doing a great job, it’s a massive change so be kind to yourself. Take care x

I just want to echo the last few comments: there is nothing abnormal about you, but it sounds incredibly distressing to be facing the disappointment that you’re not loving this as much a you’d hoped and to feel worried and maybe ashamed at how much your worrying about your baby. So many women have been in the same, or very similar boats.

Even if you did have PND or postnatal anxiety - these are also extremely common and incredibly treatable. So you would also be normal if you did meet criteria for one of these. Please be kind to yourself, and know that you are not alone - millions of women before you have felt the same or similarly, it doesn’t make you wrong or abnormal or any less of a great mother. And most importantly, it will get better.

I hope the mixed responses haven’t confused you. Please be kind to yourself. Let yourself grieve the postnatal experience you longed for but didn’t have and remember that it’s so important to nurture yourself as well as your baby.