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Postnatal health

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Intrusive thoughts linked to worries about bonding

4 replies

Anewmum2018 · 21/12/2018 14:03

Hello,
I’ve got myself in a real psychological pickle since having my first baby ten weeks ago, and it would be lovely to hear from anyone who has similar stories, with positive outcomes!
After an emergency c section and my baby taken to SCBU for 8 days, I developed PND. I became irrationally convinced that the baby wasn’t mine, he may have been swapped in the hospital, and felt utterly disconnected with him. As time went on this became general disconnection with the world and I was diagnosed and started treatment for PND. Things started escalating and I began having intrusive thoughts linked to my perceived lack of bond with my son- eg would I even care if he stopped breathing in his car seat? He could fall out of his bath seat and would I grab him to stop him drowning? It became unbearable and I began to feel suicidal. The tipping point came one morning when I was feeding him in bed and started thinking, would I care if he fell under the duvet? I even made myself put a finger on his nose - in a warped way it sort of felt like I was testing my own bond with him. I was horrified at my own mind and called the police telling them I was having thoughts of harming my own baby.
After this, I was taken to the mental health crisis team in a and e, and referred on to the perinatal mental health team. They let me stay as an outpatient under the close watch of a psychiatrist, and since seeing her I have been diagnosed with ocd with intrusive thoughts, which all revolved around my worries about bonding with my child. The cycle of worrying and pain and not bonding seems never ending. I’ve been prescribed more meds and starting on intensive CBT so I have all the clinical support I need. But I feel at the bottom of a dark pit. I desperately want to feel love for my son, and to not screw up his whole life by my inability to feel anything for him. Can anyone offer me hope?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 21/12/2018 14:05

Oh op I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It sounds like you've made the best choices at each stage for your baby, as a responsible loving parent. I hope the treatment starts to work and next Christmas will be a much happier one.

RC000 · 29/12/2018 21:07

Just wanted to send some support for such a brave post. I too think you are being a brilliant parent by being so honest and seeking help. Things WILL improve in time. You can do this x

Verryberrycherry · 01/01/2019 22:56

You sound like a brilliant parent in that you recognised the issues and seeked help immediately. You are doing the right thing. See this as a small stepping stone on the path to finding your bond. Id love to give you a big hug. Things will get better by finding the right stepping stone to start on. Sounds like you are on your way to getting there. Xx

Redcliff · 01/01/2019 23:14

I had similar thoughts to you when my youngest were born although not quite as bad as you. I spoke to a psychiatrist linked to my local childrens centre and she was lovely- very reassuring that it was surprisingly common and arranged for some CBT.

I now love my 4 year old so much - I still get the occasional thought but I know its not me just some stupid inner voice and imo I am a pretty good mum. It gets better I promise.

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