I can’t cope

[Pigeoncat]

I had my beautiful baby 3 and a half weeks ago after a very traumatic birth but for the first couple of weeks everything seemed to be going so well.

Suddenly it feels like the world is closing in on me and I can’t breath. I’m totally overwhelmed and keep crying. I feel like I don’t know or like her anymore. She doesn’t sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time and she has to be held constantly. I can’t even have a wee without her screaming. Night and day are the same, it’s relentless.

She seems to be very windy and I wonder if that’s causing her pain or if she just likes being held.

I miss my old life. I want to sleep. I want to get under a duvet and never come out.

Oh poor you

I know exactly how it feels. My third baby is 8 weeks old now and things are improving, but he was like this the first few weeks and I just could not cope. He is baby no. 3 and I remember feeling the same thing in the early days with them too.

Your hormones are all over the place, you've had a traumatic birth you have to recover from and a huge shock of a baby. It's a lot to have to overcome very suddenly so it's completely understandable to feel so overwhelmed. It does get better though I promise. My DS slept through for the first time last night and it was complete bliss.

If you are worried about the way you feel please speak to your health visitor or GP but it is understands and you are not alone.

Please talk to your gp/health visitor. Having a newborn is wonderful but it also a special type of torture, it’s very difficult and there are tons of hormones raging too.

Thing that helped me were dh taking over for one night if possible. If you’re breastfeeding you do that but dh does everything else. The holding, rocking, nappies, bringing to you to feed. If you can get some more sleep it can make you feel a lot better.

Thank you both. I’m going to get myself a doctors appointment and call the health visitor this morning. My husband has been wonderful luckily and has taken the day off work today to be with me.

Yes, please go to the GP.
And also be kind to yourself and ask and/or accept help from family and friends.

I had my eldest DS 18 years ago and even though I would generally describe myself as a competent and no nonsense person, I look back at the first 6 months of my DS's life and can honestly say that I didn't cope, we simply survived. And that's ok.
It's such a big shock to have a baby and while he was very much wanted and wished for, I was mourning my previous life.

It's not much help while you are in the middle of sleep deprivation and a hormonal roller coaster ride... but your reaction is totally normal and it will get better.
Best of luck

How did you get on?

Try s sling for the baby. Won’t stop them needing you but allows you to hold them close and get on with a few bits around the house. I found this really important when I was struggling with baby blues, even doing the most basic chores gave me some reality back and helped me with the trapped feeling. It didn’t get rid of it altogether but it certainly helped take the edge off. It does get better - slowly but surely xx don’t doubt yourself, there are hundreds more of us out there worrying the same worries, crying the same cries and feeling completely alone. You got this xx

I completely relate. I posted a thread in parenting about how my babies crying due to reflux/colic was driving me to tears most nights. Its good to know we arent alone and its normal to be overwhelmed. By the sound of things you will be exhausted too which will make things even more challenging.

At 10 weeks we still have some bad feeds and days but things have definitely improved however i think i generally underestimated the demands of a newborn and the toll it takes on you. More mums need to talk about it being shit rather than us thinking we must be awful not to be enjoying it!

Its good you have a supportive partner too. We keep telling each other to ride things out, take each day at a time (i kept driving myself mad with thinking i cant do this another month) and thankfully these stages wont last forever.