Seriously bad pnd and post natal anxiety

[Vi37]

Hi, I have really bad pnd and post natal anxiety and ocd. I have a nurse and a counsellor. The anxiety is mainly about the health of my baby boy, he’s 9 months and just the most perfect thing in the world. I wouldn’t say I’m particularly depressed, I think that the anxiety is making me depressed. I just think that he’s going to die at any point, all the time, it’s making me tearful even writing this. I just can’t stop thinking it, no matter how much distraction I have or plans I’ve made. I feel overwhelmed with my own thoughts in a roomful of people. My health anxiety for him is mainly due to my partners family health. His mum is dying of breast cancer after having it twice, his grandma did too. Neither of us want to know about the gene tests because we feel it would make my worry worse if there’s a risk, that’s all it is, a risk test which the thought of makes me panic and my boy wouldn’t be able to be tested until 18 anyway, that has to be his own choice. I feel like because I’m worrying over this my life has just stopped. I’d love another baby desperately, I have so much more love to give but I’m scared of passing some disease on, even down to passing depression on too, I don’t know if it’s morally wrong to have another knowing their history. I don’t know what advice I’m asking for really, just anyone ok the same boat would help? Thank you so much.

Anyone?

Hi. I'm sorry to hear you're having such a tough time! I also had postnatal depression with a LOT of anxiety thrown in and totally get what you're saying. First and foremost I don't think you should be worrying about any more children right now. You need to focus on getting yourself better, then the rest will follow. What are you doing at the moment to help yourself? Are you on any medication or having therapy? Also, do you have someone that you trust that you can talk to often? Personally I found that talking was the greatest help, followed by time. I know you probably don't want to hear that but trust me when I say that time is what will help you recover. Do you have any hobbies? Running, yoga and dancing are all great for mental health. An hour per week can work wonders especially for anxiety.

Please don't be so hard on yourself, you didn't choose for this to happen. It just did. It happened to me and my whole world as I knew it fell apart. I never thought I would get over it but I did. If you haven't already, buy a journal (I use the positive planner), and every day without fail write about your day, how you felt, get all those negative thoughts down, rate the day out of 10, then lastly in detail write three things from that day that you're grateful for. It might not sound like much but it really helps. I still do this now and my boy is 17 months old.

You are not alone, you may feel like it, but there are thousands of women out there right now who are going through exactly the same thing as you are. It's a horrible and scary place but it will pass. Feel free to message me too if you ever fancy a vent x

Also - if your thoughts are running away with you I highly recommend you download the headspace app to your phone, go through the basics first to get used to it then use a guided meditation every morning and every night. You need to be totally alone when you do this, but it is amazing and will REALLY help you with your thought process x

Thank you so much for your reply, I have recently started seeing a counsellor but that makes me feel worse not better. I have a lovely mental health nurse that comes to my house, she helps when she’s here and it’s great to talk to her but when she’s gone it just comes back again. I’ve been on 7 different antidepressants throughout my life and none of them have worked but I did think of going back and trying again as I’m just desperate now. There are a couple of friends I can really talk to at work and they’re happy to help me but then I feel like don’t want to bother them although they wouldn’t mind and they’ve told me that. This is all ruining the time with my little boy and it makes me cross that I can’t snap out of it I just think I’m going to lose him at any point. X

Had another massive meltdown today and the doc is putting me on fluoxetine again. I just want to know how some people just get on with life and enjoy things and want to know why I can’t?

What happened? Please don't ever feel like a burden for talking to people about it. You are not the only one in the world going through it even if it feels like you are. 1 in 5 mothers suffer from some sort of anxiety/depression and there are many that suffer in silence. Have you been writing down your thoughts and how each day goes? The guided meditation apps are a lifesaver too. It has been proven time after time that with anxiety you must give yourself some self care, then you will notice that you feel a bit better. I promise you it will get easier x

I had pnd and anxiety after both my kids. Sertraline helped massively within days, so the side effects were worth it. I felt strong when I had my second, and didn't imagine it would hit me again, but it did. The invasive thoughts became a give away. My youngest is 2.5 now and I stopped medication a while ago and no symptoms at all. It really really was almost a miracle cure, please get the help you need. It's a treatable condition so why suffer?
Don't let it spoil this precious time.

Hi, my mum in law has terminal cancer I had a meltdown because she’s been moved to a hospice. Here’s the reallyreally selfish part, I don’t want to take my 10 month old in there, I’m absolutely frightened to death of taking him as I would be to a hospital or anything like that. Dying people are in there and my biggest fear and the only reason I have anxiety is because of death. I have to take him tomorrow afternoon and I’m in a complete blind panic over it. I’ve not told my other half because he’d be mad at me because he sees nothing wrong in taking him.