Husband with Post Natal Depression

[sunshineonmyshoulder]

Hi all,

My daughter has just turned 10 months old and roughly about 2 months ago my husband had expressed to me how he was feeling. He was acting out, drinking a lot of alcohol etc. He went to the doctors and was told he had post natal depression and anxiety. We had an anxiety riddled pregnancy which I think it all stemmed from. Anyway, he was given antidepressants which he takes on a daily basis, he has been off work for around 4 weeks but has continued to drink excessively. He tends to have mood swings and can turn aggressive and mean within seconds. I feel like I am walking on egg shells around him at times. He only drinks at the weekend but when he does, he goes for it. During the week he feels worse and apologises for his behaviour. I don’t even really know why I am writing this I feel like I have no one close to me that wouldn’t judge him and me for that matter. I struggle with anxiety myself and I feel this is starting to really get to me. Has this happened to anybody else’s partner/husbands etc?

Thanks

4 months not years.

Thank you @plaidlife for your answer. He’s hut rock bottom and is currently helping himself get better. I think the cbt and trauma conselling would be a good idea. He knew himself the drinking had to stop but he used it as an escape. We all have a go to when times get hard, maybe not be alcohol but there’s always something. I appreciate your answer and experience.

Trauma counselling??

The only other thing is to try and look after yourself, find an activity however small that recharges you and do it regularly. Ten years on I can see I neglected myself and didn't stop to acknowledge the trauma I had experienced because I was in full coping mode.

Sorry that so many people are being nasty on here when you’re reaching out for help during a hard time

I do beleive men can get PND, but regardless of the label of what it is - your DH needs help. I am no expert, but isn’t drinking whilst on anti depressants really bad? And can cause further MH problems? If so maybe look into stopping the antidepressants until he has the drinking under control?

Again I am NO expert at all I’m just sure I’ve heard this before?

Yes, we had a horrific birth experience which was the start of the depressive feelings. Men do suffer from emotions and mental health issues.

Sorry- posted too soon.

I meant add, obviously there's a back story to this - you'd probably get more helpful replies if you could manage to give more information to explain why you giving birth has affected your husband so badly.

Him drinking alcohol whilst taking anti-depressants is like pouring water in a leaky bucket - medication won't work as the alcohol is a depressant.

Is there anyone you can reach out to for support?

PND is not only hormonal. It can be caused by the shock of birth/having to parent a baby. Has been likened to grief. The figure given is 1 in 25 men and it is most common when the mum also has PND. Men can also have birth trauma and PTSD. In my job I have met men I have strongly suspected have undiagnosed birth trauma. They couldn't even talk about their baby's birth. People really shouldn't dismiss things from ignorance.

I’m an RN and I do believe fathers can have PND-my concern is aggressive behavior that seems to appear with consumption of alcohol-firstly alcohol use and frequency that changes behavior into aggression is incredibly worriesome and secondly as alcohol is a depressant and thirdly may not mix well with his Rx. If he truly wants to be better he needs to be honest with his medical team and himself-unfortunately he cannot improve until he is honest with himself and WANTS to change. Please investigate Al-Anon and get support for you and your sweet baby. He might need intense outpatient or inpatient treatment OP-I worked at a MH facility in my past and I know what I’m talking about -living with an addict can be very very difficult until you learn and set boundaries in the relationship

Thank you @EvilEdna1. Would be quite interest to hear about your work. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had PTSD either. He has had quite a hard time of it.

Thank you @CallMeRachel. I realise taken the medication and drinking won’t help. He’s seeked help before it got to late for him. So fingers crossed we’ll start to see an improvement.

In reference to the pp upthread, yes child birth doesn’t always lead to PND and heavy drinking! But major life changes such as becoming a parent, bereavement, divorce etc can all trigger depression. PND in males has been recognised by the medical profession for sometime but isn’t widely acknowledged in the general public.

He reds to stop drinking and get some talking therapy as well as anti depressants. If after accessing support his behaviour doesn’t improve then that that’s a different problem.

He needs to want to help himself. Hopefully attending the GP will be the first part of that, however he needs to curb drinking etc.

Whilst relatively new- yup- men now get to have PND too. No longer is it related to childbirth, and physical and hormonal changesit's juts something everyone can now have, whilst I don't doubt that some men suffer with stress post birth. It seems yet another 'theft' from women and women's issues.

Please can you take your political debate elsewhere, and use this thread to try to support this lady?

Ok. He doesn't have PND. He has depression and an alcohol issue. He needs to stop drinking- maybe see AA and see the GP about medication or counselling.