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Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

Original poster

Husband with Post Natal Depression

40 replies

sunshineonmyshoulder · 04/11/2018 13:11

Hi all,

My daughter has just turned 10 months old and roughly about 2 months ago my husband had expressed to me how he was feeling. He was acting out, drinking a lot of alcohol etc. He went to the doctors and was told he had post natal depression and anxiety. We had an anxiety riddled pregnancy which I think it all stemmed from. Anyway, he was given antidepressants which he takes on a daily basis, he has been off work for around 4 weeks but has continued to drink excessively. He tends to have mood swings and can turn aggressive and mean within seconds. I feel like I am walking on egg shells around him at times. He only drinks at the weekend but when he does, he goes for it. During the week he feels worse and apologises for his behaviour. I don’t even really know why I am writing this I feel like I have no one close to me that wouldn’t judge him and me for that matter. I struggle with anxiety myself and I feel this is starting to really get to me. Has this happened to anybody else’s partner/husbands etc?

Thanks

OP posts:
atomicfission · 12/11/2018 21:16

Ah I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I can't really offer any help (sorry) but just wanted to reply and send you a hug Thanks

FishesThatFly · 12/11/2018 21:19

How can a man get PND? Thought it was a hormone led depression?

FishesThatFly · 12/11/2018 21:20

He needs to take responsibility for his drinking. Until he does he won't improve.

AnyFucker · 12/11/2018 21:23

Hmm

lpchill · 12/11/2018 21:25

I'm sorry your both struggling. Has he looked into counselling? It really does help with PND and anxiety. Have a look at PANDAS theta re a charity for pre and post natal depression and they do help men too. There maybe a group nearby that he can go to, they also have a phone line, Facebook group, and email so he can talk to others in the same place.

As others have said he needs to stop the drinking for the antidepressants to work.

With the anxiety does he get panic attacks or general feelings of anxiety? Maybe approach the gps again for calming tablets he can take?

He will pull through it but it does take time. Hang in there

lpchill · 12/11/2018 21:29

Sorry just to add I had PND with anxiety and my DH (not diagnosed) had probably the same. He took calming tablets (lived in a different country at the time) as well as when I went to counselling we had a major debrief where I would go through all the techniques with him. It really made a huge difference. We also introduced time off where we had an evening each we could go out (we got a swim membership to stop me moaning I had no where to go) it was guilt free time away from work, home and baby.

AfterSchoolWorry · 12/11/2018 21:33

The doctor told him he had PND ?

I don't believe that. I smell bullshit. Drinking a lot will make you depressed more like. I'd be sceptical whether he disclosed how much he's drinking to the doctor.

Anyway, baby in the house. I wouldn't tolerate it. (The drinking)

dontalltalkatonce · 12/11/2018 21:36

How is it physically possible for a male to have PND. I had it so bad I was in hospital and under psychiatric care and was told it was hormonal.

Methink his real illness is alcoholism.

FishesThatFly · 12/11/2018 21:45

I have just googled and it says on NHS site it is possible.

Sorry but l still don't believe it.

He needs to take responsibility for his drinking and stop. If he doesn't then he needs to find somewhere else to live in the meantime as he obviously doesn't care enough about you or his child to behave appropriately or respectably towards you.

dontalltalkatonce · 12/11/2018 21:50

I don't believe it, either, Fishes, it's bullshit. It's from hormone imbalance after childbirth and men don't give birth.

There's no excuse for the aggression with a baby in the house.

Cleo2628 · 12/11/2018 22:14

My health visitor actually told me when I was pregnant that the dads can get pnd!

dontalltalkatonce · 12/11/2018 22:29

Yeah this is sort of like the people who think women can have penises.

My guess is that the OP's husband is reacting to no longer being no. 1 in the family and is an alcoholic.

atomicfission · 12/11/2018 22:37

Ok so maybe those who don't believe in male PND (I'm in two minds myself) can ignore the word "postnatal" in the OP but still offer constructive advice and support for this poor lady whose husband is suffering from depression etc?

Ellapaella · 12/11/2018 22:44

I think the advice people are giving is to ask her husband to seek for his alcoholism as is excessive drinking seems to be the root of the problem and causing irrational behaviour and anger issues.

dontalltalkatonce · 12/11/2018 22:47

Her husband is suffering from alcoholism. He's aggressive. That's untenable with a small baby. He needs to be kicked out before someone gets hurt.

DropZoneOne · 12/11/2018 22:49

PND is not hormonal. It's depression linked to the experience of childbirth or parenting a newborn. Can a woman develop PND weeks or months after birth, long after hormones have settled down? If you believe that's possible, then why can't a man get it?

Anyhow, that aside, the excessive drinking won't be helping him recover. Has the GP given any support other than the ADs? Offered talking therapy or CBT? He should have had a review after 3-4 weeks to check the medication/dosage was helping, although if he said it was helping he may not be seen again for 3 months. Could you persuade him to go back and be honest about the drinking?

MrsGB2225 · 12/11/2018 22:49

Depression maybe, but PND?!

Zofloramummy · 12/11/2018 22:55

The NCT website has a page on PND for dads. Although there isn’t a hormonal issue for men it’s still a massive life change related to the birth of a child. Whether the drinking started first or the depression is irrelevant really, the two are often intertwined.

tiredmarshmallow · 12/11/2018 23:01

Sorry to hear you're going through this but it makes me feel so irritated to hear it described as PND.

My PND was severe and started the day my milk came in. And it didn't go until the drugs kicked in. I was in a good place, thrilled to be having the -planned- baby etc etc ... No warning signs, but the huge surge of hormones is indiscriminate and just effects some women like that.

I get anyone can get depressed after the huge change and sleep deprivation a baby brings but ffs it's not the same as a hormone related condition that only affects women.

I would have quite enjoyed getting drunk to numb it all but being a new mum didn't have that liberty. If I get it again I'll be sure to do so as a man.

You are the one who had a baby 10 months ago, you need support not to have to tip toe around him.

cakedup · 12/11/2018 23:02

Although there isn’t a hormonal issue for men it’s still a massive life change related to the birth of a child. Fucking hell, really?? So when I had PND how comes I didn't get go on alcohol binges? Oh that's right, because my life had actually completely changed and I had a baby to look after. I take he's not helping you look after the baby when he's sat there getting pissed?

Sorry but he gets no sympathy from me. He needs AA.

cakedup · 12/11/2018 23:03

We can't even have PND now without men trying to muscle in.

Original poster
sunshineonmyshoulder · 12/11/2018 23:31

God, some of you are horrible. It’s great to see so many doctors amongst us as well that know men cant suffer from PND. Men can be diagnosed, it totally can happen. There’s helplines, groups etc for these men, its spoken about during health visitor visits. Maybe more awareness needs to be raised so people can get off their high horses.

OP posts:
dontalltalkatonce · 12/11/2018 23:33

Yes, poor man, being aggressive and mean so the new mum is fearful in her own home she has to share with an alcohol abuser who refuses to quit.

YourMilkshakeIsBetterThanMine · 12/11/2018 23:37

We can't even have PND now without men trying to muscle in.

Yep.

plaidlife · 12/11/2018 23:38

OP my dh was diagnosed with depression when dc were 4. He was signed off work and it was a highly stressful time.
My dh took meds, had cbt then trauma counseling and got better. He didn't drink or get aggressive. Looking after him and two dc was very tough. Your DH needs to do his bit and not drink until he is well.