Hi all. I'm really hoping for some advice, I feel like my heart is broken and I don't know what to do.
DP and I have been together for 10 yrs. DS1 will be 3 this month, and DS2 is 10 weeks old.
Today my DP text me from work to say that he felt he hasn't bonded with DS2. I was away last weekend, and it was his first time being alone with the two boys. He says he felt so angry and frustrated because he couldn't get him to stop crying, and that he feels like a terrible parent.
He says he's not sure if it's because he's not around as much - DS1 was 6 months before DP got a job, so he was obviously home and more hands on then. Now he works Monday - Friday, but I ususally go to visit my mum on a Saturday so the only time all of us are usually home is a Sunday.
I will admit that DS2 hasn't been as "easy" to work with as DS1. DS1 was just fed, burped, changed and then he slept. DS2 doesn't sleep much during the day, which leaves him overtired, I think. I know that I was overwhelmed for a time - I was so used to how independent DS1 is, so going back to having a baby that needs constant attention is an adjustment. Maybe he feels the same.
He was always so scared that I would get PND, but it feels like he has it. He has a history of depression and anxiety, which usually gets worse during autumn/ winter, so I'm really worried about him.
I don't know what to do. I can't force a bond onto him. I feel like I can't do all the work with the baby myself, I will if I need to but I don't think that will help DP with what he's going through, and he'll probably only feel guilty if I do. Despite how he's been feeling, he has been as hands on as he can with DS2.
Has anyone any advice or experience with this? He was worried that I would be angry at him, but really I just feel sad. I wish I could fix this for him