My child has turned one. She has been exclusively breastfed. She is very very clingy and attached to me. She doesn't go near her dad even though he tries his best. When we are ou and about if lo doesn't want to sit in her buggy I m the one who has to hold her since she won't go to anyone else
It gets tiring quickly since she is getting heavier and I m a small bulit woman.
Ever since she has been born I have always felt like swtich in my personality or in me has turned off. I m not the same person i used to be. I was confident, prepared and hardly ever forgetful and liked dressing up. But ever since she has been born I have slowly let go. I don't take pride in myself i hate to admit i slack in my personal hygiene sometimes i will shower a couple of days later then intended. I don't care how i look, my legs aren't shaved my eyebrows are unkept. Basically i have literally let myself go.
I have become increasingly forgetful i forget where i put things, i lose things. I cry a lot by lot I mean a lot. Today was worse i started slapping ajd clawing myself while crying and in all my life i have never ever cried so loud or selfharmed. Today i contemplated harming myself.
My mothering is nothing to boast apart. At 1 she is still breastfeeding a lot and doesn't eat much. I feel like i fail ny daughter everyday. She deserves something better then me. Even writing this is making me cry.
For whoever read this thank you. I don't even want to read what i have written so please forgive my grammar. I honestly don't recognize myself. I was a confident woman before now i m a crying mess and always unsure of myself.