Donating breastmilk after stillbirth

[Jadem1409]

Hi,
I am not really sure where to post this. I lost my son Arlo on the 3rd of this month. He was stillborn at 38 weeks. When I came round 12 hours after his birth I was given a tablet to stop my milk. However today after 14 days of wishing I hadn’t taken the medication so I could express and donate, I started leaking colostrum!!! It was only a small amount (I leaked ALOT from 20 weeks), now I am over the shock of it happening. I would love to donate Arlo’s milk in his memory and help sick babies. How and would I be able to up my supply now? Or is this just a one of cruel joke my boobs are playing. Any advice would be appreciated xx

I don't know about your breastmilk question OP, but I'm very sorry for your loss hopefully someone will be along soon with knowledge of the tablets they give.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your darling Arlo. What a wonderful and generous gesture you are offering up in the depths of what must be such enormous pain.
I don't know about the specifics of donating in your situation but perhaps the first port of call is to try calling your local hospital's milk donation service to talk to them. I do know that some milk banks can't accept donations below a certain volume - with my local bank I think it was a litre total of frozen stock, which I never managed to achieve as I was never a very prolific pumper. I guess it's perhaps because they have to do a fair bit of admin on each donation, like blood screening, to make sure it is safe.

It can take a while for your hormones to settle down after a pregnancy and you are still very early postnatal. Be gentle on yourself - I'm sure the arrival of your colostrum must have brought with it some huge emotions too.

I’m so sorry for your loss. You must miss Arlo very much.

You can have jewellery made out of breast milk. They look very beautiful and might be a keepsake of Arlo. You don’t need very much milk.

If you want your milk to come in you probably need to double electric pump. Perhaps discuss this with a bereavement midwife first though as it could be upsetting.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss

Wanting to donate your breast milk is such a lovely kind & altruistic act, but I do wonder whether it may be ill-advised in your case. Please talk with your grief counsellor about other ways that may be better for you to honour Arlo.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

I can't imagine what you have been through, but I can understand the urge to donate milk. However, while I can't speak to your region, where I am they only accept milk from mothers who are currently breastfeeding with an established milk supply.

I agree with PPs that you should speak to your local milk bank to see what the deal is where you are, but also to maybe talk through it with a grief counsellor.

So sorry for your loss. I completely get that donating the milk would feel like something positive came out of this awfulness. However, pumping to donate milk would stimulate your body to supply more and make it take longer for your body to recover. You need to be kind to yourself - whilst it's lovely that you want to do this thing for others, the airplane safety line "secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others around you" applies here. You need to look after yourself. It is OK to not be OK - you aren't going to be OK for a while, obviously. Have you been in touch with Sands (the stillbirth and neonatal death society) - they can be incredibly helpful.