Family member has fallen out with us over new baby

[Emz2019]

Hello!! When I got with my partner his brother and his girlfriend had been together around 12 years and had a 10 year old together. However he didn’t want anymore children and she did. When We announced our pregnancy last year my partners brother was excited and his girlfriend went a bit quiet for the rest of the day, after that day she deleted us from Facebook and we didn’t hear from them for a few weeks, then my partners brother was coming to see us but only on his own and his girlfriend wasn’t coming with him anymore, after a while she did start coming again and added us back on Facebook. We didn’t mention to her or ask her what had happened we just let it go. My baby is almost 2 months old now and she hasn’t spoken to us since the day he was born, we have been deleted off facebook again but before she deleted us she didn’t like a single picture of our baby, my partners brother has been coming over on his own again so we asked him what is wrong with her? He said they had been arguing... but we know deep down it’s our baby who is upsetting her. So today my partner was out at the shops and happened to bump into them both and he said his girlfriend completely ignored him and when he tried to talk to her she blanked him and walked off. His brother apologised. He’s going to call his brother later and see what is going on with her. Could it really be because we have had a baby? Has this ever happened to anyone else?

She hasn’t fallen out with you, she’s just not engaging with you. The fact that she wanted more children while her partner didn’t has obviously affected her more than you realise. I wouldn’t call to ‘see what is going on with her’. Leave her be, and let them figure it out.

She didn't like a SINGLE picture of your baby on Facebook?!? What shocking behaviour. You should log it with 101 in case she escalates.

I suspect BIL partner is heartbroken and their relationship is on the rocks over them having another baby.

You can't change her behaviour. See your BIL on his own for now and maybe she will come round later.

Do the kind thing, give her space and try and be nice when she comes around.

I’m going to go against the grain and say she’s obviously been heartbroken but she’s had quite a while to get over it, does have a child and shouldn’t be making it so awkward for you when you are new parents!

She’s being a bit of a cunt, yes she may be upset but it is what it is and she’s risking causing a family drama because she can’t keep her feelings behind closed doors.

I wouldn’t expect her to have anything to do with the baby but she shouldn’t be making you feel like you’ve done something wrong!

Quite easy to hide people on social media rather than act like a 12 year old and continually delete and re-add when she decides you’re okay again.

What they ^^ said.

You’ve clearly never been there op, when you desperately want another baby but can’t for whatever reason. If you did you’d be more sympathetic to her. She isn’t being mean to you, she is preserving her own mental health.

Please don’t ring up and find out what’s wrong, give her some time to process whatever she’s going through and she’ll likely come around.

It's pretty obvious she's incredibly jealous and can't handle all the baby talk. No need to call. Give her space and time. Yes she's been a bit rude, but she's hurting so should be given a bit of leeway I think.

I'm ttc for baby 2 and other people and their pregnancies or new babies drive me a bit mad at the moment!

She needs to get her partner to explain why she is avoiding you, if she can't do it herself.
You can't just cut someone out of your life and make it awkward for the whole family without an explanation.

I don't think being desperate for a baby means you can ignore someone in public and walk away - particularly your boyfriend's brother - it's rude.

I'm am sorry for her, I have been in her position but there needs to be some clarity here, I think.

I agree it’s pretty obvious your baby has thrown up a lot of feelings over her not having had another child.

Be kind. Does it really make a big difference to you if she isn’t a Facebook friend or doesn’t want to talk to your husband? Just give her some space. I really wouldn’t phone up the brother.

I think she’s being unreasonable to be honest; the Facebook thing is fair enough as if it hurts her to see pictures then deleting it is understandable although I do have to wonder how she coped with Facebook being full of other people’s baby pictures. But to ignore your DP in the street because you both had a baby is ridiculous; I truly understand that it hurts her to think of you having a baby and she doesn’t have to coo over the baby etc but she can be civil and polite to the two of you. Essentially it’s not all about her.
Having said all that I doubt you can do much about it apart from try to maintain the relationship with DPs brother as much as possible, the less of a confrontation there is with his partner the easier it will be for her to come back into things in the future

I would stay out of it, they’re obviously at an impasse and she is hurting

Stay out of it and enjoy your new baby. It is what it is.

What @SchrodingersMeowth said. Whatever pain she is going through - being actively unpleasant to innocent parties (OP and her partner) is unacceptable.