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Postnatal health

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Feel run down

4 replies

Shazzyj87 · 24/08/2018 12:32

Sorry In advance for the long post but I really need to rant..

I'm a single mum to a beautiful 9 month old baby girl, I didn't plan on the single part as my baby was planned while in a relationship but a few months ago, my ex left me for someone else and I've since found out he was cheating on me also. There was a time when we were very happy, and we wanted nothing more than to start a family and therefore were ecstatic to find out we were expecting. However, he started to drink and take drugs through my pregnancy and put me through a lot of stress, we ended up moving house twice, he lost his job and his license and he became very abusive towards me. I ended up getting my own place and didn't allow him to live with me, told him he had to sort himself out or he would not be in mine and my daughters life. Through time, we reconciled and I helped him through AA meetings and social gatherings for people with alcohol and drug problems. He started to go back to the guy I once knew and we started to rebuild things right up to the last days of my pregnancy. I then had a really bad kidney infection and was hospitalised, induced four times then I took a stroke and had pneumonia . An emergency c section was performed a few hours after my daughters due date, so that she could be delivered safely. I was in a coma and put on life support . I lost a lot of oxygen and when I woke I didn't know my own name or know my family at all. I had temporary brain damage and my family were informed It may be permanent if I survive, and that it was also possible that I could lose my life. I had a very traumatic time in hospital, as when I woke I didn't understand why I wasn't pregnant anymore, and I had psychosis and thought the staff were people from school who were trying to kill me and I tried to escape several times despite just going through a major operation and having several wires attached to me. I still get flashbacks about the times I was screaming and terrified I was going to be killed . Anyway, my mum looked after my baby until I was well enough to take her but it took a long time to get a bond and I don't remember the first time I seen my daughter. My ex was really good in the early days and took on most of the baby duties until I felt a bond and well enough to do my bit . I was left with a blood clot in my brain and was sleeping most of the time, but when the mummy instincts started to kick in I became the primary carer. My ex started drinking again and became abusive, I kicked him out of my house after letting him stay to help out with the baby while I was recovering and I was very angry about how he had taken advantage of the situation. Anyway, after a million arguments and being on and off with eachother , he left me but didn't actually tell me, he just stopped returning my calls. I know it's a blessing in disguise as he is obviously a narcissistic person who was in some way set out to destroy me, but after everything I've been through i can't pretend I'm not hurt. I'm also on strong meds so I'm pretty tired a lot of the time, and my baby is going through sleep regression also so the nights are difficult and the days are exhausting right now. I don't have the energy to cook or keep on top of my house . I rarely see friends as they all work and I don't have the time or energy for nights out when offered. My mum takes my daughter one night a week but she also works and looks after my niece full time , while my dad works both night shift and day shift. My brothers also work and have kids of their own. I go and sit in my mums a couple of days a week to get out the house but my daughter cries a lot at her house so I can't help but feel like a burden at times even although she has a great bond with my family who are great with her. I pretend I'm ok, I see people and I'm all smiles but deep down I feel so drained and exhausted in every way .

OP posts:
Shazzyj87 · 24/08/2018 12:40

Ps he makes no effort to see my daughter, but I wouldn't let him anyway as I know he's still drinking and living a wreckless life. He also pays no maintenance as he's not working

OP posts:
mincymoo124 · 25/08/2018 21:36

@Shazzyj87 it made me upset reading this... firstly, it sounds like your doing an amazing job considering what you've been through I just can't even imagine how you coped! He doesn't deserve to be in your lives at all you've come this far without him so you don't need him now! I know the tiredness is hard and I know how hard it can be stuck at home day in day out my baby is nearly 11 months and we go to the odd baby group but most days I just don't have the motivation to leave the house. Is there any chance of you speaking to you health visitor to see if there's some support available for you at home a couple of hours a week because it must be really full on doing it all by yourself day in day out especially whilst your still recovering?

Shazzyj87 · 29/08/2018 00:02

@mincymoo124 thank you for your kind words! It means a lot . I went through a low period a little while ago and had a community psychiatric nurse come see me regularly but was discharged as I started getting better and I also started to go to a group which supports people who have had a traumatic time. However, since this has all stopped I find myself feeling very low again, therefore I will speak to my health visitor as you suggested. I think I just was happy to have the health visitor not come out anymore to be honest . Think it's my anxiety that makes me worry so much
:( Although, if I can get help with my housework through an organisation, it may be worth speaking to her x

OP posts:
FTMF30 · 30/08/2018 17:37

Wow! You sound incredibly brave and strong. You sound like an amazing mum. Motherhood is tough as it is without having gone through what you've gone through, so massive hugs to you for being such a fighter!

I went through feeling the same as you with not wanting to bring my DS around my family as he has colic/reflux and can sometimes cry/scream relentlessly. I was going stir crazy and feeling exhausted at the same time so barely leaving the house. However, much like you I'm sure, my family love him and, despite his difficult ways, he is a part of the family and they love him anyway. My family actually encouraged me to visit more often so he does actually feel a part of the family and not just a visitor as he grows. I think there is truth in this and you should not feel burdensome at all. Go around to your mums whenever the hell you please, You're her daughter. Would you want your child to feel like this when they're older? i'm sure not.

In terms of the nights out, I challenge you to accept the next invitation. I can personally say that the first time i went out post baby, I was absolutely dreading it. I was sapped of energy, felt ugly and had major separation anxiety, However, once I was out, it did a world of good and i felt better for doing it. People need people and your \LO needs a happy, energised mummy (you can't pour from an empty cup), so please try and socialise, chat and let your hair down. It honestly helps!

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