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Postnatal health

As with all health-related issues, please seek advice from a RL health professional if you're worried about anything.

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Original poster

Not feeling overwhelming love for baby - Possible PND?

23 replies

c24680 · 11/08/2018 09:46

Hi there,

I'm 6 postpartum and I feel absolutely awful for saying this but I don't feel like I love my baby :(

I'm happy, baby is happy, she feeds well, barely cries, sleeps well - I get 7hrs block sleep most nights but yet I still don't feel like I love her like I love my dog :(

It's almost like I'm just going through the motions of taking care of her. I didn't have a difficult pregnancy, I was induced 3 times and during monitoring throughout the induction period and labour her heart rate would drop and after 5 days of this it ended with me having an emergency c-section.

I don't know if I'm feeling like this because I thought she wasn't going to make it or it's because it's a massive change and it's quite normal.

OP posts:

BlossomCat · 11/08/2018 09:55

How old is your little girl? I had a tough delivery, and all I felt was overwhelming relief that he was out. He was perfectly lovely and sweet, but the love didn't come until over a week later. Before that I was going through the motions, but the love did come when I was feeling stronger.
If these feelings continue to persist, go and talk to your health visitor, you won't be alone in feeling like this, but it's not alright to not be alright.

thethoughtfox · 11/08/2018 10:05

Love grows. It will come up in little stages or a big wave. Mine came when a fly landed on her and I felt this tiger rage to get this dirty thing away from her. Put her in the cutest clothes you have. It helps! If you don't feel happy or any moments of thinking she is sweet or connecting with her, speak to the doctor in case your hormones are out of whack.

Amaried · 11/08/2018 10:08

Perfectly normal..
Love grows with time and as she starts to smile at you, that will all help.
I definitely didn't feel this instant over whelming love I'd heard people talk about, however I adore my three now. It will come.

rocketpocket · 11/08/2018 10:10

Totally normal. You wouldn't be expected to love anyone else overwhelmingly after such a short time. Never mind a screaming ball of flesh that keeps you up all night and gives nothing back. The love will come.

Original poster

c24680 · 11/08/2018 10:54

Thank you all, it's reassuring I'm not alone!

She's been smiling at me for a week or so now, it is lovely but I'm just sad that I don't feel like I love her :( I'm sure it'll come in time, she is only 6weeks old.

OP posts:

intuition · 11/08/2018 11:06

If it's your first child then it's really normal to not know how you feel. Don't worry. I used to think of someone took DS1 away I would be relieved to have a good nights sleep!! Perfectly normal.

Original poster

c24680 · 12/08/2018 17:18

Thanks all, had a good nights sleep last night and I feel much better this morning:)

OP posts:

GummyGoddess · 12/08/2018 17:22

I have two children, I didn't feel love for either of them at birth but did feel extremely protective of them. Now I adore both of them. If you're worried then speak to your health visitor or gp, they will help you.

Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2018 17:31

Same feeling here and my boy is six weeks. Thought I wasn't too bothered til my sister came into the house and pciked him up and carried him outsidd without asking me - I went all momma bear about it and blind panicked. I do love him but I loved my dog more, but I think it's 100% sleep deprivation. I defo feel much more love when I have slept and he's not screaming. Speak to your hv or doctor if your concerned.

Btw 7 hrs!! I'm soo jelous mine barely sleeps for two hours together :(

Original poster

c24680 · 12/08/2018 19:51

@Spanglyprincess1 @GummyGoddess

I'll mention it to the health visitor during my next appointment in two weeks time if I'm still feeling this way.

@Spanglyprincess1
That's exactly how I feel! I always feel bad saying my baby sleeps from 9:30-7am as I know this is really good for a newborn, she's been like this since 3 weeks. She was over cooked and a big baby though!

I think yesterday's sadness was a combination of hormones and she was up twice during the night which I'm not use to now.

OP posts:

bobstersmum · 12/08/2018 20:03

With my second I clearly remember him suddenly giggling for the first time at whatever age that was, and I just felt that overwhelming love then, I loved him before that of course but that's when first felt the surge of love. I think I grows and as you bond you sort of fall deeper in love.

bobstersmum · 12/08/2018 20:04

And dd, my third she's 15 months and still doesn't sleep 7 hours so I am jealous!

inthekitchensink · 12/08/2018 20:06

Yep, you’re exhausted and in recovery. Just keep her close, cuddles and it gets better and the love grows and grows. Do ask for help, see the dr, try pills if you’re feeling numb or flat, just take one day at a time

Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2018 20:07

Op your doing a fab job I'm sure, so don't worry. I think love is something that builds. I'm just exhausted constantly and pretty much barely have the energy for anything. I feel a bit of a failure because he's not sleeping well but he's happy, gainibg a lot of weight and length! ( In 3-6 month clothes already as tall) and only wakes to feed. I think we should cut ourselves some slack as new moms, it's hard and everyone seems to know better.

Original poster

c24680 · 12/08/2018 20:32

@bobstersmum I keep telling myself love grows but I just needed to hear it from someone else. Haha I'm sure your DD will make up for it in her teenage years 🙈

@inthekitchensink I think your right, I'd been managing on my own since hubby went back to work a month ago and I'd ran out if steam!

@Spanglyprincess1 Thank you, I'm doing the best I can. Don't be so hard on yourself either he will start sleeping through when he's ready to! The main thing is that he's happy, gaining weight and growing that's all that matters, sleep will come.

Being a new mom is definitely hard, it's a massive learning curve - they should come with a manual ha! But I do feel everyone is always ready to judge and hand out advice - even when it's not asked for!

OP posts:

GrainneWail · 12/08/2018 20:47

Oh, Op, love really does grow. I hate the Disney idea that you're handed your baby and simultaneously hit with a bolt of love lightening. It's OK to feel like you do, and you'll be surprised how many other new mums feel likewise but are afraid to say it out loud. You obviously care enough to be worried so you and you baby will get there.

I remember with dd I suddenly got an unsuspecting rush of love in a 3am feed when she was about 10 weeks old. It was lovely and tbh, reassuring, but she is the love of my life and the rush only confirmed what I knew. I think I had been too tired and overwhelmed to know it before then.

Original poster

c24680 · 12/08/2018 22:17

@GrainneWail your right I do care greatly for her, I dislike when she's passed around the room and when someone walks out of sight with her so the 'mummy bear' instincts are there. Im sure my moment of feeling that overwhelming love will come I just have to be patient!

It's so reassuring reading that I'm not alone in feeling like this so thanks again everyone for your comforting words and for sharing your experiences.

OP posts:

FranticallyPeaceful · 13/08/2018 13:10

I had overwhelming love with DC2/DC3, it was absolutely massive and instant... but not with DC1.. but it grew instead and it’s incredibly strong now. In fact DC1 is probably my closest and always has been and likely will always be, I absolutely love him with everything now but when he was born? Nope. I thought I was broken

Anna2006 · 30/08/2018 09:48

Yes agree it can be totally normal. You care for her but just didn’t get that massive love you expected.

I had a traumatic delivery an was taken away to theatre straight away. Didn’t see my little girl until she was like 3 hours old. An when they passed her to me. It was kind of like a blank. No bad feelings. But no good feelings. It was like I was numb emotionally.

I had a difficult recovery. An my husband seemed to adore her instantly an I felt immensly guiltly. I wanted no harm to come to her an care ld for her as you do. And I did constantly worry about her. But there was no rush of love that I expected.

It definitely grew for me. She is now 6 months old. An she is the love of my life. I honestly think she’s the best thing ever 😃😃😃 and I cant wait to go in and get her in the morning or come home to her if I’ve been out without her for a short while.

So don’t panic. The more they do and the more they become this little person, you love them more as time passes.

Give it time. But do speak to someone I’d you the feel the need to. 💓

Original poster

c24680 · 05/09/2018 10:02

Thanks everyone for your reassurance, a few weeks have passed and I'm feeling good, loving my baby girl - she's more active now and constantly smiling!

OP posts:

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 21/09/2018 21:57

I was the same with my first DD, I never had the rush of love and was just going through the motions of caring for her. I didn’t even think she was cute just really odd looking! It was only when I took her for her jabs at 8 weeks and I cried when she squealed after the first injection. I can clearly remember the look of shock on her face and the noise she made... that’s when I knew that I loved her!

GreenMeerkat · 21/09/2018 22:05

It took me about 4 months to really bond with my first DD. It don't think I had PND as I felt happy, as you do, just didn't feel like there was that bond there. I think it was the shock of becoming a parent and how different and hard it was.

My second DD the bond was instant.

Charlieislovely · 25/09/2018 19:13

I don't think it necessarily means PND. I didn't bond at all with my boy but had PND and didn't feel a proper connection until he was 9 months old. I'm not just saying this because it happened to me, but I actually believe there are more mums who don't feel that overwhelming love for their babies when they are first born compared to those that do. X

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