For the past two weeks, my 11+6 week, exclusively breastfed baby hasn't been feeding as frequently as usually, and this has been accompanied by a general loss of interest in the breast/feeding. Other than that, he's normal in himself - same old smiley, alert, happy baby (when he's not having a gassy episode, but he's always been gassy). His number of feeds throughout the day have decreased quite a bit, and I have to wake him to feed him (which can take hours), whereas he' used to show interest in feeding and I'd just feed on demand - responding to his cues. When we do skin-to-skin, he doesn't seem phased by the breast, whereas before he's latch willingly when he was ready. He now almost never latches willingly. His nappies are also not as as saturated as they used to be (confirming that he isn't consuming as much as he used to) - often producing 5/6 wet ones, but not as heavy as they were. He very rarely shows signs of hunger, too.
I'm becoming increasingly concerned about how much milk he's getting and his growth (although he does seem to be gaining adequate weight - I weigh him often). I'm also concerned about my milk supply, seeing as he's feeding a fair bit less than he used to. I'm even scared to express to keep my milk supply up, as it seems that he's LESS interested in the breast when my breasts are soft - so it almost HELPS when they're full/engorged (he seems to have a harder time latching when they're soft, as if he got used to shape of my nipple when my breasts were full... it also seems like he has a harder time getting the milk out when my bread are soft, and so he gives up in frustration). As my supply is starting to regulate, my breasts are softer a lot more often. The fact that it's starting to regulate also means that his feeding habits are crucial to the amount of milk my body thinks it needs to produce - I don't want my supply to dwindle as it'll worsen the problem!
I saw a lactation consultant recently and she confirmed tongue tie. NHS no longer offer TT division (recently cut funding for it), so only option is private. Thing is, I can't afford it right now - nor the cranial osteopathic treatment baby is recommended to have following the TT division procedure! I'm really stressing and worrying that my baby isn't receiving enough milk. Formula is a scary thought for me as I'm vegan and is important to me to raise my son vegan (formula isn't vegan, and I wouldn't be comfortable giving him those soy formulas either as soy isn't exactly healthy and contains a lot of oestrogen - not good for male babies, especially).
My head is all over the place. I don't know what to do. Seems I can only feed him when he's half asleep. I'm scared he'll lose weight. He's also been dry-retching a lot lately which points to reflux? If he's always had tongue tie I don't know why this only became a problem two weeks ago.
I miss the days where he'd show signs of hunger and an interest in the breast - and latch willingly. Now I'm having to fight for hours to get him to feed. I'm crying as I type this. I also don't want to force him to feed as I don't want him to develop some kind of aversion to the breast (which I'm already fearing he has, although I can't imagine why - or how it would've happened). I feel like I'm failing. I can't even give him expressed milk because 1, I produce very little when expressing (baby is much better at getting milk out than any pump seems to be), and 2, he's never taken a bottle.
Sorry about poor grammar and vocabulary - I'm literally just spewing my thoughts now.
I don't know what to do. Any advice will be helpful. I'm terrified. Anxiety is sky high.
It's 22:05 and my baby hasn't had a proper feed since 15:11. I've been struggling to feed him since 16:11. Now he's asleep. He kept dry-fetching when I tried to feed him, and pulling off the breast. The dry-retching thing is very recent. The clock is ticking and I'm fearing a malnourished, dehydrated baby and a non-existent milk supply.
I feel like a terrible, failing mother. I really, really want to make breastfeeding work. I'm not of those annoying, vegan, 'natural' people and breastfeeding is so, so important to me. Formula isn't vegan and so goes totally against all of my morals and ideals in terms of how I'd planned to raise my child, diet-wise. My heart is racing with anxiety. Feels like my whole world is crashing beneath my feed. I mean feet - gah!